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Bride Snubs Polyamorous Maid Of Honor’s Three Partners To Appease Groom’s Intolerant Family

A woman is held by two men on either side of her
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Weddings and wedding guests.

Oh, what a tangled web that can be weaved.

How many people get an invite, and how many plus-ones is everyone owed?

These are the questions that have to be answered even before the seating chart debacle.

It can all get pretty awkward when it comes to plus-ones.

Case in point…

Redditor Extensioncordhuh wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“WIBTA for not inviting my poly friend’s partners to my wedding?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (25 F[emale]) am getting married in September.”

“My husband, Mike and I are doing a big wedding for 250 guests.”

“I’ve always dreamed of having a storybook wedding.”

“I asked my best friend Marissa (25 F) to be my M[aid] O[f] H[onor], and she happily agreed.”

“She’s been a huge help to me in every step of planning the wedding.”

“Marissa is in a poly relationship, and she has 3 partners.”

“Greg (24 M[ale]), Brandon (27 M) and Ace (22 N[on]-B[inary]).”

“She’s been with Greg for 5 years and was the first partner she had.”

“They added Brandon and Ace over the course of their relationship, with Ace being the newest member.”

“They all date each other and seem to be happy.”

“I don’t really ‘get’ it, if I’m being honest, but it’s not my business.”

“However, the issue came into play when Mike (32 M) pulled me aside and said while he loves Marissa, he didn’t feel like spending the wedding explaining her love life to his family.”

“Which I understand, they are very conservative and hardly accept L[esbian] G[ay] B[isexual] T[ransgender] people as is, let alone an LGBT polyset.”

“I had already reserved 4 spots for Marissa and company, but my husband suggested he invite a few coworkers to take the partners’ spots, and Marissa could come alone.”

“I didn’t want to ruin his big day, so I agreed reluctantly.”

“I know I should have told Marissa from the get-go, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.”

“So when the invite went out, she called me up immediately and asked why she didn’t have a plus three invite.”

“I explained to her exactly what I said above, and she just said ‘oh’ and hung up.”

“Next thing I know, Brandon is calling me and begging me to reconsider, saying they promise they won’t act like they are in a relationship, but they want to be there for me.”

“Except I can hear Greg in the background telling him tell me to f**k off and that I’m am a**hole, and he doesn’t even want to go.”

“I explain to Brandon that I already gave their ‘spots’ to Mike’s coworkers.”

“Brandon says okay thank you, and hangs up.”

“Marissa texts me the next day saying she isn’t coming unless they can go.”

“Mike said he can’t uninvite his co-workers now, so it’s not his problem.”

“I told him I would add them and pay the costs, and he just said if I want to spend the whole time explaining their relationship to people, then so be it.”

“But he isn’t wasting his time doing it and will just send people my way.”

“Our other friends think I’m an a**hole, but Mike’s friend and a few of my nonmutual friends don’t think I am.”

“Just want some more unbiased opinions.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP would be the A**hole.

“YWBTA. Intentionally or not, you put the opinion of bigots over the reality of your friends.”

“They likely feel betrayed, especially at short notice.”

“Could Mike’s family be given a stern warning instead?”

“Such as ‘There will be no comments on people at our wedding. If you cannot keep it to yourself, you will leave?'”  ~ OurMasterAM

“Honestly, at a 250-person wedding, how would his family even notice a poly relationship?”

“It’s not like people in relationships have a banner over their heads.”

“It will just be 4 people at a wedding, and if anyone notices one person kissing 3 different people (unlikely) they would still be the a**holes for bringing it up to the groom on his wedding day.”

“Agreed with YTA because the worry is purely about excluding the poly people, not any real issue they would cause.”  ~ tomtink1

“Yeah, obviously OP didn’t think any of this through — I mean, she didn’t even have the respect or conviction to tell her supposed friend.”

“None of this is guided by logic, kindness, or principle, just by OP being a doormat who wants to have her fairytale wedding.”

“And is too immature to think for five seconds about how that wedding will actually go down.”

“And, more importantly, what will happen after, when she has to rely on her AH husband for all of her interpersonal fulfillment because her cruelty and cowardice have alienated all her friends.”

“Editing to reflect on all the handwringing under this comment about whether Mike is genuinely bigoted or just appeasing his family, whether that distinction matters, whether it was crass for Marissa to expect a +3 in the first place… because I don’t think any of that matters.”

“What matters is that OP claimed to be one of Marissa’s closest friends, happily used her labor for the wedding under that premise, and gave Marissa the impression she would be attending the wedding with all of her partners so she could fully enjoy the wedding she worked so hard on.”

“What matters is that at the slightest resistance, OP immediately broke that commitment to her friend.”

“What matters is that OP knew that behavior was wrong but was too cowardly and childish to talk to Marissa, instead letting her find out in an incredibly impersonal way, dramatically compounding the hurt and betrayal.

“OP is too childish to treat her friends with basic respect and care, and therefore too childish to get married.”  ~ yet_another_sock

“Her supposed friend who is also the maid of honor and has been a tremendous help during the planning.”

“I would feel so used and disrespected to be blindsided with this in the invite.”

“OP YTA already for agreeing and not telling your MOH that you’ve changed your mind about her partners (she was clearly expecting an invite for all 3).”

“If you’ve accepted any help since the decision was made, you’re even a bigger AH, and if you don’t fix this, you won’t have any chance to salvage your relationship with your friend, if you have any as it is.”

“Your soon-to-be husband is a bigot.”

“This is not about explaining things to the family.” ~ Mystic_printer_

“She couldn’t even stand up to her husband before inviting his coworkers.”

“She just caved to his command.”

“OP YTA times 1000.”

“How dare you not stand up for your MOH and her partners.”

“Oh, wait a minute.”

“The coworkers were SO more important.”

“He may be your future husband, but you just threw all your morals out the window for him.”

“Guess you’ll know what this marriage will be like.”

“Him telling you what to do and you following his lead.”

“Good luck with that.” ~ ConsequenceLaw5333

“Why is OP even marrying someone who thinks his whole family is going to be spending the wedding wondering what everyone else is doing in bed?”

“It sounds to me like it’s Groom who doesn’t want them there, and he’s using his family as an excuse.”

“OP, YWBTA.”  ~tasinca

OP came back with some details…

“I am the a**hole, that’s for sure.”

“I followed a lot of advice in this post and asked Mike what he thinks in the morning.”

“He said to talk to Marissa first and see what she wants, and we’ll make it work.”

“I also had him read over the post himself, and he said that a lot of the comments opened his eyes on how he himself was coming off.”

“So we both decided to call Marissa together and beg for forgiveness.”

“We called her, and she was happy to talk.”

“We explained our side of things but acknowledged that it was a massive f**k up and could have been handled so much better.”

“We invited her and her partners, obviously, and said we would be happy to do whatever it takes to have them forgive us.”

“She asked her partners about it, and Brandon and Greg both agreed they would prefer to just ‘split’ the set up.”

“So Greg and Marissa would be a couple for the wedding, and Brandon and Ace would be a couple.”

“They, however, would need to talk to Ace first (they were at work), and that they would get back to me.”

“So that’s where we currently stand.”

“I never told Marissa I was inviting her partners. I just had a list of invites with Mike.”

“I’m still the a**hole but I wanted to explain that.”

Reddit continued…

“Most conservatives can’t spot a gay person to save themselves unless they are a walking stereotype, let alone comprehend what a poly relationship is.”

“OP has told his friends that he values smoothing things over with a**holes more than he values their friendship, and that sucks.”  ~ SunnydaleHigh1999

“I expected the problem to be cost or size when I read the title, but it turns out its just bigoted people.”

“If she’s willing to exclude her friends for family members like that, then she deserves them. YWBTA.” ~ DrWhoop87

“YWBTA yes, and your husband seems incredibly little involved in your happiness.”

“Like this is your best friend, you are now having an argument with, and he seems uninterested and cold.”

“I would not want to marry someone so distant to my emotional life.”  ~ klover_clover

OP had one last detail…

“Ace got out of work a few hours ago, and we all got on speaker phone and had a long conversation with this post pulled up.”

“The crew was all happy to be defended but did think people went a little harder than they would have, even Greg.”

“He actually laughed at me calling him self-absorbed because he is lol.”

“Anyway. We’re all good.”

“They are coming.”

“They gave permission to tell Mike’s parents.”

“We called them after, and they understood but said don’t let Nanni know, or she’ll be asking questions all night.”

“It’s been a huge relief, and I think we learned how to communicate better as a couple.”

Well OP, Reddit had quite a bit to say.

But it’s refreshing to see adults behave like adults once in a while.

You acknowledged your fault and communicated.

Maybe others will read all of this and learn a thing or two.

Congratulations, and good luck on the future as Mr and Mrs.!!