Finding the right photographer is one of the many stresses involved in planning a wedding. But even the best photographer has to work with what they’re given.
Redditor ThrowRaLovedove is a bride-to-be determined not to let anything get in the way of preserving the memory of her wedding with flawless—and very clean-cut—photographs.
But when her fiancé strongly opposed her specific grooming request for their wedding day, she gave him an ultimatum.
She took to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit after their fallout and asked:
“AITA for threatening to call off our wedding because my fiancé is refusing to shave his beard for it?”
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
“So I have been with my fiancé for over 3 years. We have been engaged for one of those years. Our wedding is set for September 6th. My fiancé has been growing a beard ever since like March or so.”
“I haven’t thought anything of it since I’ve seen him with a beard plenty of times before. I’d say since I’ve known him it’s been about 50/50 between him clean shaven and him having a beard.”
“I jokingly brought up his beard and our wedding the other day. I said ‘you ready to have a clean face for our wedding?’ He looked at me and was silent for a few seconds.”
“He finally said ‘Um I was going to leave my beard for the wedding’ I gave him a pretty gross look and said ‘no you are not. That is not acceptable. I will not have that.'”
“He got mad that I was telling him what to do and said that I can’t tell him what to do with his grooming preferences. I said that I have the right to since it is my wedding and I am marrying him.”
“We kept going back and forth about it until I said that I would cancel our wedding if he doesn’t shave. He didn’t budge.”
“He ended up getting really mad by that comment and left shortly after. He’s barely texted me since that happened.”
“I’ve told my friends and family about the situation and part of them agree with me while some say that I had no right to tell him to do that and that I was being a jerk for doing so.”
“Just to clarify, I don’t hate his beard, it’s fine. I think at times that it can be attractive.”
I just don’t really like the idea of him not being clean shaven on our wedding day. I feel as though the pictures will not be as classy and nice.”
“So reddit, am I the a**hole in this situation?”
Anonymous strangers on the internet passed judgment by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors took issue over the OP calling it her wedding.
“YTA. As a woman, you should understand the concept: My body, my choice. The fact you are denying him the right to choose what he wants is messed up.”
“It would be the same as him telling you what to do with your hair. If you are that petty, just let the poor man go so he can find someone else.”
“And btw, the wedding is about both bride and groom. I hate women like you who think the wedding is only about them. Sorry to break it to you but it’s not.” – Puzzleheaded-Finish5
“But what about the pictures!? YTA, OP. A wedding/marriage is more than pictures.” – tacobelley
“That’s what got me the most – she doesn’t even think he looks bad with the beard, she’s just worried about pictures!”
“If you’re willing to call off a wedding over the pictures, then you’re not ready to get married.” – HyacinthFT
“YTA. Not your wedding only. Imagine if he asked you to dye and cut your hair.”
“THEN IMAGINE HE SAID HE WOULDNT MARRY YOU IF YOU DIDNT. not because he didn’t like your hair, but because the pictures wouldn’t be as CLASSY. My God” – Mak25672
“YTA – if thats enough to call it off, he shouldnt be marrying you anyway.” – skittlesNwhiskey289
People also brought up perfectionist brides.
“I honestly don‘t get all of these bridezillas. Life is more than a wedding, a relationship is more than a wedding.”
“Also it‘s not only her wedding – its also her partners wedding. OP really needs to respect his wishes.”
“I honestly feel like most bridezillas don‘t know how relationships work and I really wonder why they‘re getting married in the first place if they can‘t compromise or respect their partners wishes.”
“(Yes, they probably get married for the wedding because that‘s all thats important in life, right? /s)” – peasolace
“There’s a difference between people wanting a wedding and people wanting a marriage. OP is the first group and also YTA.” – Darkliandra
“Hard YTA. Wedding culture is so toxic these days. It’s not just your wedding, it’s his too! Imagine if he asked you to lose 20 pounds or dye your hair before the big day? You wouldn’t have it.”
“It would be reasonable to say, ‘honey, would you mind trimming your beard and making sure it’s neat for the wedding?.’ Instead you decided to be a brat, and I’m not surprised your fiance walked out.”
“It’s really not cool to give ultimatums about your relationship over petty stuff. It would make anybody feel undervalued and unloved.”
“You need to apologize to him, chill about your wedding, and consider whether you want a ‘perfect’ party or a marriage.” – jenkinsburns
The OP was given a huge dose of sarcasm.
“Don’t worry, there is this thing called photoshop, I’m sure a pro can get rid of the bride for the groom.” – Ginger_Tea
“Everyone knows girls care way more about weddings than guys do. Most of them just show up and don’t really care.”
Whether or not the fiancé reached out to the OP to say he was ditching the beard or whether the OP accepted her AITA judgment as the definite a**hole remains unconfirmed.