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Redditor Stunned To Discover They Weren’t Invited To Friend’s Wedding They Helped Plan

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For anyone who has ever experienced it, we can all agree that discovering our friendship means more to us than to someone else is hurtful.

But it especially stings when that friend uses us first, confided the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor Adeisconfused was thoroughly confused after helping their college friend plan their wedding, only to discover they were not invited.

After not receiving a reply about it, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if they should reconsider the friendship.

They asked the sub:

“AITA for being upset that my very close friend didn’t invite me to her wedding?”

The OP helped a college friend plan her wedding.

“My very close friend from university (24 [Female]) got engaged to her long-distance boyfriend (30 [Male]) while he was in town.”

“We talked almost every day since, and she asked me for advice regarding cakes, dresses, and getting the right tailor for different outfits she’ll be wearing on her big day.”

“She asked me and a few other friends from university, too.”

The OP didn’t know the date of the wedding yet.

“We were all so excited for her and were so excited that our good friend was engaged to a great guy and that she was making us a part of it.”

“Over time, we asked her if she had set a date yet and if it was going to be soon or wait a few months to years maybe.”

“She always responded by saying she’s not in a rush and she’ll let us know.”

“A few days ago, she asked my opinion of some cakes and some dresses she was looking at for ‘inspiration.'”

That was until they looked at social media.

“Well today, we found out she got married. No invite and no communication to me or any of our friends.”

“We all found out through Instagram. Such a kick in the teeth.”

“We all discussed and thought, ‘Well, maybe she had a small wedding due to the pandemic, and we decided we’ll celebrate her on another day.'”

“We sent her messages to arrange this and she ignored us.”

“We’ve been seeing more and more videos and pictures of the wedding, and guys, I kid you not, this was a MASSIVE wedding. A band, dancers, caterers the whole lot.”

“I feel really taken advantage of.”

There were many hard feelings.

“My boyfriend said she’s an a**hole and that my friends and I should all cut her off.”

“I’m very close to doing it.”

“Would I be the a**hole for doing this?”

“Do I even have a right to be upset or am I being an entitled brat? I’m thinking I deserved an invite.”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some said the OP had every reason to be upset.

“This is a pretty clear NTA.”

“I don’t think you need to bother to cut her off. Sounds like she’s already done that to you by not inviting her to her wedding, nor communicating with you and your friend group afterward.”

“She did this on purpose. You’re a saint for wondering if you should be upset.”GKH

“NTA. It would be different if she was keeping it small, eloping, or had pandemic restrictions to contend with.”

“But in this case, it’s understandable to feel hurt when someone who’s a close friend excludes you from their wedding, especially since it was a large wedding and you assisted her with planning.”zipityquick

“NTA. You’re close enough she wanted your input on wedding planning but you didn’t merit an invitation?”

“Honestly, I’d think she was a bit rude to not have you be part of the wedding party after that level of involvement, but to not even invite you?? Super harsh. I’d be rethinking my friendship with her.”TriZARAtops

Others said it sounded like the friendship wasn’t equal.

“NTA. It sucks when you realize a friend isn’t really your friend.”

“If I was in your situation, I’d send her a message outlining how I felt and then I’d block her everywhere and cease all contact.”Future-Ambition1859

“NTA. Well, she probably shouldn’t have asked for your input if she wasn’t going to include you.”

“I guess she doesn’t owe you an invite. However, this is what she thinks of you and your level of friendship. She clearly doesn’t consider you a close-close friend.”

“If you’re really upset about it, then I would just stop being friends with her. I mean, it’s not like she really values your friendship all that much anyway.”OutlandishnessNew859

“NTA – clearly you two have very different ideas on how close your friendship is. Always sucks to find out someone values your friendship much less than you value theirs.”

“If you don’t want to put that kind of effort into a friend that doesn’t consider you as important, then don’t.”

“I would have said NAH if it had just been the invite, but I think she’s an a**hole for talking to you so much about the wedding while evading the invite question. She should have been honest.”LightningLilac

Some confirmed the OP wouldn’t be wrong to end the friendship.

“NTA, she knew exactly what she was doing all along and I don’t think she considers you a friend. Vice versa you shouldn’t either.”fatalisticshrug

“NTA. Your boyfriend is right. No contact. Block her on all social media/internet/email. Block her phone number.”

“She used all of you as unpaid wedding planners. She was dishonest with you.”Careless-Image-885

“NTA at all!! I would reach out and just explain that you are confused and upset about not being invited.”

“I’d ask for an explanation and something along the lines of how you were excited for it due to the wedding inspiration items she ran by you and are now just confused why you were left out.”

“If you get anything but a completely reasonable response, drop her, and never contact her again. That also goes for no response.”

“Something seems weird here but there is definitely a reason you and your other friends were left out.”sr2045

Though the OP wasn’t sure if she was right to be upset about not being invited to her friend’s wedding, the subReddit completely understood her feelings. Not only was it her friend’s wedding, but she had helped plan it and knew explicit details about it.

Anyone with that level of involvement, the subReddit argued, should have received at least a polite invitation.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.