If there’s one thing a soon-to-be married couple looks forward to more than their wedding day, it’s probably their wedding night.
Excited as they are to celebrate their special day with all their closest friends and family members, it’s even more likely that they can’t wait to be alone, for the first time as spouses.
Of course, joyous celebrations that they are, many couples want to keep the party going, heading to an after-party once the official reception ends.
When one couple wants to keep the party going, and the other is ready for some alone time, tensions are bound to arise.
Redditor Bilby_bil was looking forward to spending her wedding day with her husband.
However, once the festivities began, it became abundantly clear to the original poster (OP) that she and her husband had very different ideas of how they wanted to celebrate the night.
Getting their honeymoon off to a rather rocky start.
Wondering if she was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for being upset I was ditched during and after my own wedding?”
The OP explained why she found herself so angry with her new husband on their wedding night:
“It was actually a vow renewal, we got legally married last year with just us there no family or friends, so just now got the ‘party’ all planned.”
“We had a really short ceremony at the beginning and then partied!”
“I specifically asked him to please stay with me and to hang out with me as we mingled around because I know how he gets around his friends and usually I hang by myself if they are around.”
“And he’s like ‘yeah of course we will go around together’.”
“That didn’t happen.”
“He took off and was gone and I legit spent the majority of party standing by myself.”
” 98% of the people there were his.”
“Then at the end of the night it was over around 9 so fairly early, there was a plan at some point, a lot of the attendees, were going to go out to a bar to which he decided he was going.”
“I wanted to go home, with him, and have our ‘wedding night’.”
“This was absolutely not acceptable to him because ‘his family was in town and going to go out too’.”
“So, I stayed home by myself and went to bed while he went out to the bar.”
“Next day, I’m upset of course and he keeps asking me why, what did he do?”
“Like how did he not know?”
“When I explained, it got pushed back on me that I should have kept up with him and he found me 1 time outside when I was trying to cool down cause I was super hot.”
“So he keeps bringing that one time I ‘left’ and he found me outside.”
“Then told me that I was making stuff up and I wasn’t alone and that if I was it was my fault.”
‘My Dad is dead, my mother has Alzheimer’s and was unable to attend.”
“Yes my sister was there and my adult nieces and a friend.”
“I am an introvert and have social anxiety, but can handle and deal when needed.”
“And no, I wasn’t sitting in a corner all night ‘poor me’ I was out and about.”
“Just by myself.”
“Not with my husband.”
“Every wedding I’ve been to the bride and groom kinda mingle around the majority of the night together of course there are times they are on their own.”
“So that is how I was expecting things to go.”
“Not completely in reverse.”
“So, is it my fault?”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, overall the OP received very little sympathy from the Reddit community.
Some felt the OP’s anger was more than justified, agreeing that no newlywed should spend so much time away from their new spouse, with a few even urging the OP to question whether or not she should stay in this marriage.
“Gurl.”
“Get out now.”
“If that is how he behaved at your wedding celebration, it is only going to get worse.”
“NTA.”- Diligent_Hedgehog999
“NTA.”
“For being upset that you spent your wedding night alone whilst your husband partied in a bar.”
“It’s even worse that it was a vow renewal because you were doubling down on being wed so soon after the ceremony.”
“And why was it over by 9?”
“And, where were your friends eh?”- Famous_Specialist_44
“NTA.”
“He abandoned you pretty clearly and right away.”
“Got caught up in the moment and went galavanting off with friends and family.”
“The fact that you didn’t want to go to a bar and he still went is wild.”
“Truly.”
“The sh*tty manipulation tactics the next day are the biggest red flag.”
“He knows what he did and wants to get away with it by finding any tiny possible fault in your logic (ie, finding you outside).”
“I’m curious, how clear were your expectations of ‘mingling together’ with him?”
“What does that look like for you?”
“And did you share that with him?”
“Were you willing to compromise on those at all?”- Fickle_Pickle_3452
“NTA.”
“If anything, I’d be questioning what he was doing at that bar on his wedding night.”
“Surely, he must have shown these abandonment signs earlier in the relationship.”
“I would have left him before the marriage, but if he can’t understand what he did wrong, I’d quickly divorce him before children get involved.”
“If it’s so easy to abandon you on your wedding night, think of what he will do if you get pregnant.”
“hint: ABANDON YOU.”
“It may sound harsh but leave while you still can.”
“This isn’t just some small issue.”
“At least go to a counselor about it, but I’d leave him if he truly does not understand why what he did was wrong.”- No_Mud5383
Others, however, had trouble feeling bad for the OP. They felt that if the OP was so uncomfortable in social situations, why did she even want a wedding celebration in the first place, especially considering she was already married?
“I think I’m going against the grain here, but gentle YTA.”
“So you got married with just you two, presumably because you wanted to be alone with your husband?”
“I think that that’s very sweet and intimate.”
“This is where it starts feeling AH.”
“You spent the majority of the party standing by yourself.”
“Is that because you couldn’t find your husband?”
“You couldn’t talk with any friends or family, even if they were his or the 2% that are yours?”
“I am a HUGE introvert, so I understand that social events can be uncomfortable sometimes, but it sounds like you expected your husband to babysit you.”
“You guys can co-mingle together for the majority of the party, but I think you may have had unrealistic expectations, unless when you say that he is ‘gone’ you mean he left the venue/ party?”
“Or is ‘gone’ that he is a few tables away, and you chose not to join him because you expected him to proactively guide you?”
“It’s the norm that the bride and groom not spend every moment together as they are meant to mingle with guests.”
“You would spend some of the weddings together, but there’s usually an expectation that you guys also talk to people independently.”
“There’s a natural flow and direction as the day goes on.”
“Gently, you already had your wedding night.”
“You stated that you guys got married a year ago alone.”
“This is for your friends and family.”
“It’s reasonable if you don’t want to go out, but it doesn’t seem fair that you expect your husband to not spend as much time as possible with his friends and family since this is the friends and family wedding.”
“You can absolutely correct me because I am reading between lines here and could be wrong, but it sounds like you wanted a wedding without friends and family- just you two and so you got it.”
“Now, this is the wedding for friends and family, but you wanted your husband to spend the entire family/ friends wedding without you guys separating to entertain different guests, and then he was not supposed to go out after unless you also went out?”
“It sounds very codependent.”
“Like your husband is not allowed to talk to anyone or spend time with anyone unless you are there, but you also do not want to be there.”
“Instead of blaming him and telling him ‘how did he not know’, I think you guys need to discuss your social expectations and needs.”
“You being an introvert is valid, but so is him being an extrovert.”
“Your introversion doesn’t trump his extroversion and vice versa.”
“You are very focused on your needs here, but I wonder if there was a solution that allowed him to have fun while you got to be introverted, like him going out to the bar with everyone afterward.”
“It feels like there was the potential for compromise here.”
“You weren’t ‘alone’. You just weren’t with your husband.”
“You seem insanely comfortable invalidating other people.”
“Your husband wanted to spend as much time as possible with friends and family and you decided that that’s wrong.”
“Reddit wants to know why only 2% of guests are yours, and you’ve decided that it doesn’t matter.”
“Your husband points out that he did find you when you went outside and you decided that that doesn’t count.”
“If you want your needs validated, you need to stop invalidating everyone else’s.”
“I am not even sure why you posted here.”
“You have 1 friend and your husband, so you’ve become very codependent.”
“But your husband can’t be your entire social world.”
“That’s not fair to him at all.”- Appropriate_Buyer401
It seemed that the OP and her husband had very different ideas of how they expected their wedding night to go.
The OP was expecting a quiet, intimate evening, while her husband seemed to want a non-stop celebration.
One can’t help but worry that their different ways of life are going to continue to pose problems in their marriage unless they are both open and honest about their expectations.