Weddings are already terribly expensive and difficult to plan, so it stands to reason how stressful it would be when plans fall through at the last minute.
If this isn’t a good reason to have a tame bachelorette and bachelor party, the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit didn’t know what else would be.
When Redditor Radiant_Fail5438 heard her sister’s plans to have a joint bachelor-bachelorette party with her future husband, and then heard the details about who was attending and what they would be doing, she was certain the party was bound to be trouble.
When the bride was shocked during the aftermath, the Original Poster (OP) found she couldn’t help but laugh at her sister’s obliviousness.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for asking my sister what the f**k she expected to happen at her s**tshow of a bachelorette party?”
The OP was skeptical of her sister’s bachelorette party plans.
“For some reason, my (32 Female) sister (23 Female) and her fiance (25 Male) decided that the very best way to celebrate before getting married was to have a joint bachelor/bachelorette party.”
“At strip clubs.”
“There was alcohol, prescription medication, and illegal substances present and used at the party.”
“And these people have all had sexual relationships with each other in the past.”
“They also hired a bus limo for the evening.”
The joint party got way more wild than anyone was expecting.
“The aftermath was, thus far, three breakups, four people dropping out of the wedding party, one impending divorce, and one arrest.”
“The cleaning bill for the limo was more than the original rental fee also.”
“The divorce was a result of a married bridesmaid having a threesome with two groomsmen (neither being her husband), and this wasn’t the first time she’d cheated.”
“She’s out of the wedding, one of those groomsmen is out, and her husband is out.”
“The maid of honor and my cousin got together on the limo bus, and her boyfriend got arrested while trying to break into the bus to stop what they were doing.”
“The maid of honor is out, her boyfriend is arrested, and the cousin is no longer welcome at the wedding.”
There were other aspects of the event that could have gone so much worse.
“We are lucky that by the time the cops showed up, everything illegal had bed taken, eaten, ingested, or swallowed.”
“I stayed mostly sober and stayed with my sister all night so she could party and not do anything too stupid.”
“My husband also attended, and I tasked him with keeping an eye on the groom. He decided the best way to keep the groom out of trouble was to get him drunk, which worked out.”
“The bus limo came out as the worst victim in this whole debacle. It needs a biohazard cleanup and maybe some upholstery replaced. My dad is p**sed.”
The OP was honestly surprised that her sister was surprised.
“She was crying to our mom at dinner the other day, and I snorted.”
“I tried not to. I honestly did. I was trying my best just to keep my mouth shut.”
“She asked me what was so funny.”
“I said that I wasn’t sure what she expected to happen, getting a group of people drunk, using illicit substances, and getting horned up watching exotic dancers.”
The bride did not take this feedback well.
“She said that I was an a-hole for judging her and her friends.”
“I said I wasn’t judging. It’s just that literally anyone could have seen that outcome.”
“My mom told me to apologize because my sister is having to replace most of her wedding party on the fly.”
“I did. But I still think I’m right.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed with the mom that the OP could have been more sensitive.
“YTA. Look, I don’t think that strip clubs are good for any pre-wedding celebration, joint or not, but they are common practice, as is alcohol and certain drugs, and plenty of people have great fun at this kind of party without any trouble.”
“Your sister’s friends behaved HORRIBLY, and now she has to replace her wedding party. Her friends aren’t puppets. She didn’t make those bad choices for them; they f**ked up all on their own.”
“You are mean and rubbing her face in the fact that the people she thought were her friends actually care more about sex, drugs, and alcohol than they do about each other.”
“That is a bummer lesson to learn about your friend group right before your wedding. Be nicer.” – KartLindWatch
“It’s not the party that’s the issue; it was her friends who were unable to behave in a manner appropriate for the continuity of their relationships. These kinds of parties can be fun and go well if people can have fun without getting messy.”
“Be there for your sister. YTA.” – Maximum_Ear1745
“The situation was clearly a disaster waiting to happen, but OP seems a bit like she is gloating over her sister’s wedding falling apart and reveling in the drama. YTA.” – yorozoyas
“YTA based on the ‘snorting’ and ‘tried really hard to keep my mouth shut.’ Those are just excuses. You may be right, but that doesn’t mean you weren’t an a**hole at that moment.” – Indigocell
“YTA. The party may have been a dumb idea (assuming the friend group was generally unstable), but you didn’t need to kick your sister while she was down.”
“She’s probably really stressed over her wedding getting f**ked up, and you seem oddly pleased with her misery.”
“You provided a really bare-bones version of the story, so I don’t know if there’s some important context I’m missing, but from the little I know, I think you were being kinda cruel.” – SureShot_414
But others completely agreed with the OP and didn’t see how this could have gone any other way.
“NTA. Had I been there, I wouldn’t have snorted. I’d probably have been cackling!”
“That didn’t show a lot of foresight. The line about the bus cleaning… Oh my.”
“Both of my daughters waited until they were around 30 to get married. Their ‘bachelorette’ parties were going to a wine and pottery painting place for one, and the other was a glassmaking place.”
“I don’t think their husbands went out and made fools of themselves either, but I didn’t hear anything negative, so I’m doubtful.”
“The drunken blowout pre-wedding party is an idea that needs to DIAF (die in a fire), quickly.” – Fizz_Giggity
“The friend group is a part of the plan, though.”
“If everyone knows that Ed can’t be trusted around gravy, Edd is a massive germaphobe, and Eddy will do anything to get his hands on every jawbreaker he sees, and you still make a plan that involves these guys going to the gravy-covered-jawbreaker ball pit, then it’s a terrible plan.”
“Sure, you can say there was nothing wrong with the venue/plan, it was just Ed, Edd, and Eddy that ruined everything, but you’re kinda lying to yourself if you think you can say it was a perfectly good idea and that nobody could’ve predicted it ending in disaster.”
“The bride should have thought about the people she was inviting when she planned the party. NTA.” – Paddragonian
“If the sister’s friends are an especially wild bunch of 20-somethings, then this was definitely a probable outcome, and the sister would have been better off not having such a wild event.”
“I mean, I don’t think it is just the strip club that made this an unwise affair. It was the combined parties, substances, and the sexually charged atmosphere of the strip club.”
“Maybe things would have been more chill and controlled if only one of these factors had been in play.”
“NTA, OP.” – autotelica
“NTA for having an involuntary reaction, but try to empathize with your sister during this time, too.”
“It wasn’t your sister’s fault any of the awful effects of the joint party happened. It also doesn’t take much to realize a mixed group of people bolstered by booze and tacitly encouraged to enjoy being horny by the night’s planned events is NOT SMART if wedding party harmony is wanted.”
“It’s not your sister’s or her fiancé’s fault their friends messed their lives up. It’s just hilarious every time couples think they are immune to the stereotypical outcome of what they planned.”
“P.S. I hope everyone tipped well, particularly the dancers.” – SpinsterlySpeaking
“NTA. The collateral damage from this party shows just how bad of an idea this was.”
“Sure, many people or groups can go to strips clubs, drink, have fun and not end up arrested, divorcing, breaking up, and dropping out of the wedding; this group obviously was not able to do so, and I find it very difficult to believe this wasn’t evident beforehand.”
“Ostensibly, they’ve all partied together before and knew what chaos could ensue. That you snorted at their naivete doesn’t make you the AH.”
“Your mother telling you to apologize because your sister is having to replace most of her wedding party shows me just exactly where your sister gets it from.” – fascinationstreet
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.
“After reading the comments, I went to see my sister this morning and gave a more sincere apology.”
“She asked me to be the Matron of Honor, and I accepted.”
“If anyone here is free Saturday, we still need someone to sing ‘The Rose’ during the ceremony since my cousin is no longer welcome.”
The subReddit completely agreed that this combination of events and people did not sound like it ever could have ended well, but they were a little more divided over how the OP responded.
Some completely understood her being honest with her sister, but others encouraged her to be there for her as much as she could, as this was inevitably a stressful and eye-opening moment for the bride about what her wedding would be like and who her friends really were.