Weddings are always a moment of joy. But they’re also a moment of frustration.
Some brides and grooms try to avoid frustration by having an age minimum for their invite list.
Redditor ThrowRa17920’s sister was such a bride.
The Original Poster’s (OP’s) son was older than the minimum age, but his needs required the OP to give him an iPad and headphones during the ceremony.
This caused quite a bit of frustration from the bride and ultimately drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
“AITA for bringing my special needs son to my sisters wedding?”
They went on to explain.
“My wife and I [age 33] were invited to my sister’s wedding. She had a rule about no children under the age of 10.”
“My wife and I have a son who’s 13, but also is special needs and developmentally behind. He’s in a wheelchair and fully disabled. We do everything for him.”
“He can hold sentences with you, and he does enjoy things, but has a mind of a much younger child. We brought him along to my sister’s wedding.”
“During the wedding, our son began to get a little restless, so we gave him his headphones and iPad which calmed him.”
“At reception, my sister pulled me aside and asked why I had ignored her rule about children. I said I didn’t and that he was old enough to attend.”
“She then said the point of it was for noise disruptions, then pointed out both her children missed her wedding because of their age.”
“I told her that was her choice, and our son only acted out once which we reacted quickly and he was silent the rest of the time.”
“She was upset still and said we reacted by giving him an iPad and how that was extremely rude of him to be on his iPad during her wedding.”
“I told her if she didn’t want our son coming, she should have told us directly bc how are we supposed to assume.”
“She got upset and went and complained to our mom, saying how we made her angry on her special day.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“ESH.”
“I know I’m going to sound like an a**hole for saying it, but your kid might be 13, he does not act like a 13-year-old.”
“Your sister should have clearly told you your son was not invited, but you knew why the wedding was 10 and older only, and yet, you brought a child Who would never have been able to sit through the ceremony quietly.” – Primary-Criticism929
“YTA, you knew your sister was wanting an event free of distractions from children and should have acted accordingly.”
“You knew that your son wouldn’t be interested in being at a wedding, very likely has no concept of what a wedding even is and the importance of not interrupting, and would likely be disruptive.”
“You knew that, that’s why you brought something else for him to do. If you have to give someone something else to do at an event, they should not be at that event.” – Old-Fox-3027
“ESH”
“‘I told her if she didn’t want our son coming, she should have told us directly bc how are we supposed to assume.’”
“Granted. But also:”
“You knew the intent behind the “no young kids” rule and knew your developmentally disabled son presented a significant risk of causing the very same issues your sister was trying to avoid.”
“‘our son only acted out once’”
“And that was once too much.” – StAlvis
“I lean to YTA. No kids under 10 implies exactly what your sister said. She only wanted kids that can take care of themselves. She probably assumed you were on the same page.” – HairyCallahan
“I lean towards YTA. The point of the no kids things is that they don’t want disruptions or children that have to be catered to.”
“The fact that she didn’t even bring her own children is proof of that. Sounds like you’re playing semantics. “has a mind of a much younger child” is the relevant point.”
“If someone brought a 35-year-old man with the mental capacity of a 2-year-old who has tantrums, I’m sure that the no-child rule would also apply.”
“In the future, she will just make sure to exclude you and your family. Weddings mean a lot to people. It’s up to you to decide what you want to do with that.” – Academic_Moment4276
“yta, you know he is “developmentally behind” meaning he will not act like any other 13-year-old.”
“it’s not like you’re oblivious to this fact. You’re aware he could still cause distractions. You should’ve asked ahead of time.” – Original-Candy-3439
“I always love it when parents are like “my kid only disrupted the event once/briefly.” That means they disrupted the event.”
“YTA for not clarifying with your sister about whether or not your son should attend.” – Old-Run-9523
“‘She then said the point of it was for noise disruptions, then pointed out both her children missed her wedding because of their age.’”
“‘I told her that was her choice, and our son only acted out once which we reacted quickly and he was silent the rest of the time.’”
“Regardless of the age restrictions, YTA for this dismissive answer.”
“You are old enough to know most people do not want interruptions during their wedding and probably should have known your son would have one.”
“Even if it surprised you that he did cause a disruption, the appropriate answer would have been to apologize for the issue.” – ButWhyThoughhhh
“NTA anyone calling you an AH is being ableist. She should have spoken to you about it instead of putting a blanket rule that doesn’t technically apply to your son.”
“People are so uptight about weddings. If someone making a bit of noise during your ceremony is enough to “ruin the best day of your life,” you need to get a grip.” – Neko4tsume
“This is a tough one, but I’m going to say NTA.”
“The RSVP was addressed to your family with no mentions of names, so in my opinion, your sister should’ve reached out beforehand and you could’ve made your arrangements or simply not go since your child is a special case.” – joemama2222222
“NTA. The son wasn’t excluded, and the OP dealt with it. The sister ISTA for complaining about her disabled nephew’s behavior.”
“People want this “perfect” wedding free of any perceived “imperfections” (children and disabled people, apparently), but guess what, life isn’t perfect and can still be beautiful.” – miacat12
“Soft YTA. You knew the rule was no children under ten, and as a parent, you were well aware of why she made that rule.”
“Yes, your child is 13, but even you admit that mentally he’s much younger. Your sister should have told you not to bring him, but at the same time, you should have figured this out on your own.”
“You know that your son can be restless, and most couples wouldn’t want a restless child disrupting their wedding ceremony.”
“For that reason, you should have left your son home.” – Mother_Tradition_774
“I’m a Canadian Pakistani. We don’t have rules that someone can dictate to us about weddings. I’m thankful that we don’t have to deal with this.”
“NTA.”
“A developmentally challenged child needs to see and feel the world as well.”
“While your sister might have no kids policy if I were you, I’d decline to be part of that wedding if it meant leaving my son behind and, because of my culture, might have not met her afterwards either but that’s me – a Canadian Pakistani.” – beznahej
“NTA you are right and there should have been much clearer communication if your sister didn’t want him there.”
“I’m not going to lie, and I know I’ll get hate for this, but I have to say it.”
“The fact that she just assumed you understood that she didn’t want him there because of him being a “distraction” feels like ableism.”
“I swear people let ableism slide all the time. Overall even if she isn’t ableist, she still should have been more clear.” – Blue_Bird_Nerd
“NTA.”
“If she didn’t want a 13 yr old there, Sister need to use her big girl words and tell you. IF she made a cut-off of 10 years old, that is a pretty clear indication to INCLUDE a closely related 13 yr old. IMO.”
“How are you supposed to infer the opposite? Like, for real. So many conversations on this subreddit on brides specifically choosing cut-off to exclude certain children.”
“If there are exceptions, the bride will tell the family. And somehow YOU are being called the AH for not being a mind-reader.”
“That she really meant COGNITIVE ability. F*ck off with that.” – maybeRaeMaybeNot
“NTA”
“What the hell is wrong with the YTA and ESH people here? You followed the exact rules she provided and took care of the one minor disruption your son made.”
“You literally could not have done anything more.”
“NTA, anyone who says differently is out of their mind.” – InToddYouTrust
Sounds like Reddit is as divided as these siblings.
Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments below.