Let’s be honest, none of us are literally perfect, and we all have our insecurities about our bodies.
When we think that someone else looks better than we do, our insecurity may worsen, admitted the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor BridesmaidShirt was surprised when one of the other bridesmaids for her friend’s wedding had ordered all of the bridesmaids the same sized shirt for the upcoming bachelorette trip.
But when she saw that the shirt only fit the bridesmaid who placed the order, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if the planner’s insecurities about her own body were to blame.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for resizing my matching bridesmaid shirt?
The OP agreed to go along with a matching t-shirt plan for the bridesmaids trip.
“My friend is getting married soon, and I’m one of her bridesmaids.”
“Last weekend was her bachelorette party trip, and one of the other bridesmaids (who I had never met) had emailed us a few months ago saying it would be ‘fun’ to surprise the bride with matching t-shirts for the trip.”
“Not really my thing, but happy to go along with it. We all agreed, and the organizer said she would order the shirts and send them.”
“She didn’t ask for our sizes, so I emailed her asking for an XS. No response.”
The OP wasn’t happy with the shirt she received.
“The shirt arrived a few weeks ago and… it was an XL.”
“Someone else in the group emailed, saying, ‘Hey, I might have gotten someone else’s shirt? I asked for a medium.'”
“The organizer confessed that she decided to order all the shirts in an XL as it was cheaper that way(?) and also she ‘didn’t like tight shirts.'”
“What the f**k? Forget tight, I looked like a child in her dad’s shirt.”
“I’m pretty good at sewing (or good enough to size down a t-shirt I’ll never wear again), so I resized mine to actually fit me. I did the same for my friend who lives near me and is another bridesmaid.”
Her alterations were not welcomed.
“Well, when we got to the destination, the organizer was p**sed because the two of us ‘no longer matched’ and accused us of sabotaging the surprise.”
“I thought the matching had to do with the color and design of the shirts, not the sizes?”
“Also, while we were the only ones who actually took scissors and thread to our shirts, others rolled up sleeves, tied the shirt to make it like a crop top, etc.”
“Also if it’s relevant, the organizer was larger and actually fit in her XL t-shirt, unlike 80% of the rest of the group.”
“The bride also didn’t seem to care at all.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the fellow bridesmaid was projecting her feelings onto the bridesmaids.
“NTA.”
“Her insecurities got the best of her. Before you even got to the part where she wears the XL, I knew she was going to be the bigger size.”
“Now, she is right, ordering one size is easier, BUT if her concern was actually just making it easy, she’d have no problem with the alteration.” – Malibu921
“NTA, I feel like the organizer probably wanted everyone to have the same size to make herself feel better about being larger?”
“Not sure how the organizer thought everyone getting the same size would somehow make her look better for being in an XL? If anything, it seems weirder if she fits perfectly in an XL and everyone else has their XL super baggy on them (would probably make her look larger than if everyone just had their right size).” – mcgillstudent123456
“NTA. I was co-maid of honor for my bf and made custom t-shirts for the bachelorette party (not just the girls in the bridal party, but all the girls who attended the bachelorette party).”
“I asked, and bought (at my expense from American Apparel, so not cheap), t-shirts in the same color in each girls’ size and customized them with the same design, but each in a different location on the T.”
“Even though each T was slightly different, we TOTALLY matched. And everyone knew it and knew why we were in the same color Ts.”
“The girls loved the Ts and since they actually fit (I knew all the girls, so I even made sure to buy the style of t-shirt that best fit each girls body type: slim, regular, relaxed, extra long for the tall girl), everyone wore them as part of their regular wardrobes.”
“Who knows, it may have been cheaper to buy all the same size (close out/clearance deal?), but if this just sounds like the BM was size-ist. She’s definitely the AH.” – throw_away_990099
“NTA. The organizer was insecure about not looking as good as y’all in the shirts so she sabotaged. Very inconsiderate and rude of them.” – SNonAnoNS
“Maybe it wasn’t about hiding her own weight, but rather not having to see the smaller women in tshirts that were cut to accentuate their shape.”
“Tshirts are not flattering on most people, but there are girls that somehow still look good in them. I look like a potato sack in basic t-shirts.” – Turbulent-Army2631
“NTA. You put the key part at the end. The organizer fit into the shirt. So obviously her intention was that all of you would be in similar sized shirts. She was trying to minimize, so to speak, her size by bulking all of you up.”
“I’m not sympathetic to her because she thought she was being sneaky rather than honest.”
“Not only that, she was content to try and make herself look better by making the rest of you look worse.” – disruptionisbliss
“NTA. She was jealous that she was the only one who needed the XL. She didn’t care that you’d all basically be swimming in an XL because it made you all shapeless masses of roughly the same size that she is.”
“Others made less ‘obvious’ changes to their shirts, which didn’t make her feel as much like an outlier. You two made obvious alternations which highlighted just how much smaller you were than her, so she lashed out. NTA.” – TheFlamingSquirrel
“NTA. I would have given the organizer a piece of my mind. Told her I see what’s been happening. You didn’t care about getting the brides friends shirts that fit them, you just made sure it fit you.”
“She is the organizer of this event for your friend and has no right to criticise any guest and that she needs to apologize. Otherwise, you will tell your friend, the bride, what she did and how rude she was to you.” – KarenMaca
Others confirmed the OP wasn’t wrong to want to feel comfortable in her t-shirt.
“NTA. You need to be comfortable to have a good time.” – redditavenger2019
“I buy XL mens shirts to wear to bed. They are so comfy, and I buy them on sales so they have terrible designs on them which is fun.”
“But they look stupid, they sag and flap and they’re wider than they are long. I’d be mortified to wear one on public.” – FurTumbleweed
“I was in a bridal party situation like this. The organizer asked for sizes. I was pregnant but hadn’t announced it yet, but knew that by the time of the event I would be 7 month bumping.”
“I asked for an XL shirt and made some excuse. She ordered me a M instead… sometimes you just can’t win. I was shrink wrapped (laugh emoji).” – chickenandbabies
“NTA. The organizer wanted to make sure you didn’t look any better in your shirts than she did.”
“For the record, my bridesmaids ranged between 5’1- 5’8, and 120-275 lbs (55kg-125kg), yes, shortest was heaviest. My only rule was their dresses had to be burgundy.”
“All 4 picked the style that looked best on them, and the dresses were reworn because they didn’t scream bridesmaids. That’s the proper way to do it.” – dehydratedrain
“I’m an XL, and I would NEVER just presume sizes. I’m not self conscious about my size, but I’d double and triple check sizes, and offer a size bigger just on the off-chance (so I’d ask a friend who’s an XS if they wanna order an S just in case they run small, etc).”
“But I would still order whatever d**n size they asked for. I wouldn’t expect someone to drown in clothing that’s my size, unless they’d come to me soaking wet, and they put some of my clothes on while I dried their clothes.” – BPD-and-Lipstick
“NTA. Sounds like the organizer is insecure of her body and thought she could look like the rest of the party if everyone wore shirts the same size.”
“That doesnt excuse her actions. You weren’t in the wrong for making your shirt fit better.” – beerwookie3
The OP was surprised by the other bridesmaid’s reaction to the alterations to made to the shirt, but the subReddit confirmed she had done nothing wrong.
She was making her shirt more comfortable for on the trip, and she was honoring her body, rather than conforming to the expectations of someone else’s, which is a frequently forgotten practice at weddings.