Even if a wedding is meant to celebrate two people committing their love for one another, it is generally agreed that the bride should be the center of attention on the big day.
As a result, guests, members of the wedding party, and even the groom tend to ensure they won’t wear anything that might take any attention away from the bride.
Another reason the bride usually decides exactly what her bridesmaids will be wearing.
Redditor AITAbestiewedding couldn’t wait to be maid of honor for her best friend and even had a hand in choosing what she and her fellow bridesmaids would be wearing.
The original poster (OP) did, however, have one request when it came to her appearance at the wedding, which the bride was happy to oblige.
Less pleased with this request, however, was the groom, who wasn’t afraid to share his displeasure with the OP.
Putting his fairly fresh marriage in jeopardy as a result.
Worried she was responsible for causing trouble, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not wearing makeup to my best friend’s wedding?”
The OP explained how her decision not to wear makeup at her best friend’s wedding proved to have surprisingly severe consequences.
“My phone has been blowing up since this happened, so I’m sorry if this seems a little disjointed!”
“I’m super frazzled right now, but I really need a wider opinion since nobody involved can agree on who messed up.”
“I (27 F[emale]) was picked to be the maid of honor at my best friend Jo’s (28 F) wedding, which happened last week.”
“I was so excited!”
“We’ve been friends since we were kids and had already agreed to be each other’s maid of honor way back then, but that didn’t make it any less exciting.”
“I helped Jo pick out my dress, my shoes, etc., everything except for my makeup.”
“I don’t agree with wearing makeup because I think the beauty industry is misogynistic and because it makes my face break out.”
“I don’t shame anyone else for wearing it, but I just don’t wear it myself.”
“Jo knows this and told me that it was totally ok to go makeup-free, which I was super grateful for.”
“I had thought that because Jo was ok with no makeup, it wouldn’t be a big deal.”
“Most of the other bridesmaids as well as Jo ended up going very heavy on the makeup, so I kind of stood out.”
“I’m not self-conscious even though I don’t wear it, and the other bridesmaids didn’t mind that I wasn’t wearing it, so I didn’t really mind.”
“The wedding was very beautiful and went perfectly until about halfway through the reception.”
“Jo’s groom Henry (35 M[ale]) pulled me to the side and told me how inappropriate it was for me not to be wearing makeup.”
“He said that I was upstaging the bride at her wedding and that a woman shouldn’t be going to a public event without makeup anyway.”
“I felt so terrible.”
“I really hadn’t intended to take any attention away from Jo.”
“I waited until after the wedding to text Jo and say that I was sorry for not wearing the makeup and that I had heard her message loud and clear.”
“She was super confused and said that she really hadn’t had a problem with it.”
“We talked on the phone, and I told her what Henry had said to me.”
“She was furious and said that she hadn’t put him up to that and that she had been very clear that she was fine with my choices.”
“She and Henry got into a huge fight, and she’s been staying at my apartment for the past few days while she tries to figure out what to do.”
“Henry and his friends have been texting me nonstop about how I ruined his wedding and his marriage, and even some of my and Jo’s friends are saying that I should have just worn the makeup and that a wedding wasn’t the right place to make a political statement.”
“Jo is insisting that I wasn’t in the wrong at all, and the bridesmaids plus Jo’s mom are on our side.”
“Everyone in my life that knows about this has some kind of bias, so I want to know whether I was actually in the wrong.”
“I really hadn’t intended to make a political statement or anything at the wedding, and I would have worn the makeup if Jo had asked me to.”
“I feel terrible for hurting Jo’s marriage and tainting her memory of her wedding, even if she still doesn’t think I did anything wrong.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for not wearing makeup at her best friend’s wedding.
Everyone agreed that the OP had done absolutely wrong and that the only person Henry had to blame for his marriage apparently falling apart was himself.
“The bride was fine with you not wearing makeup.”
“That is the only person whose opinion matters.”
“Everyone else can go pound sand.”- mudbunny
“And it’s a shame Jo didn’t see this side of Henry until AFTER the papers were signed.”-consectariana
“He ruined his own wedding by being a sexist that thought it was appropriate to reprimand a woman for not conforming to beauty standards.”
“Jo didn’t care, and that’s all that mattered.”
“He can take several seats.”- CrystalQueen3000
“You are never obligated to wear make-up.”
“This is very sexist.”
“No way you‘re the AH.”- realstareyes
“Makeup isn’t the issue.”
“The groom is.”
“Who the hell would pull someone aside and speak like that.”
“Honestly, you’ve got a good friend in the bride, not sure about their marriage though.”- stasy012
“If those are his views, I reckon there would have been problems anyway.”
“What an AH the groom and his friends are.”- Nitro114
“Lol, upstanding by not wearing makeup?”
“That’s a new one.”
“Hmm, I would have had a few drinks by that time and would have told the groom to f*ck off.”
“The bride was fine.”
“He’s an a**hole.”
“Don’t worry about it.”- Slight-Bar-534
“Breakdown of causes of the problem.”
“Not wearing makeup: 0%.”
“Groom’s reaction to not wearing makeup: 100%.”
“I don’t wear makeup.”
“It feels odd on my face, and I don’t mind not wearing it.”
“The last thing I would care about is if any of my guests wears makeup or not.”
“It’s super weird to know that the GROOM thought that you looked better than any other woman, including his bride, and it’s more than rude to say that a woman shouldn’t go out without makeup.”
“He’s a creepy man, and their fight has nothing to do with you but instead with his controlling, misogynistic views.”
“NTA, and frankly, it’s probably for the best that she found out now that Henry has a generous streak of misogynistic beliefs (vs. when they have kids and he imposes these beliefs on their sons and uses them against their daughters).”
“Henry is the only one with an issue, and needs to examine why he doesn’t think women are allowed to make their own choices.”- Stellaknight
“Your friend isn’t fighting with her husband because you didn’t wear makeup. She’s fighting with her husband because she just found out he’s a misogynistic a**hole.”- coppeliuseyes
“The bride was okay with you not wearing any makeup, so the only person who felt upstaged was the groom.”
“Maybe he should have been wearing makeup if this upsets him so.”
“Him making the bride look awful by saying what he said is absolutely ridiculous.”
“The fact that your friend had a fight with her husband about it and now staying at your place just shows you’re not to blame for this situation, something she also keeps telling you.”
“He sounds kind of controlling, but picked absolutely the wrong person to do that with.”
“I really hope you’ll get to feel better soon.”- Dork86
“What does Henry think you did to upstage the bride?”
“This is very confusing.”
“Jo was fine with you not wearing makeup.”
“She told you multiple times she was fine.”
“Why are you still involved?”
“This is between Henry & Jo.”
“You’re no longer involved.”
“Why you chose not to wear makeup is not up for debate or open for discussion.”
“However, if you made a point to tell everyone at the wedding why you or other women should not be wearing any makeup, that would be an issue.”
“As a wedding planner (for 25+ years), this is a first for me.”
“I have never heard of anyone ‘upstaging’ the bride because they chose not to wear makeup.”
“I also have never heard of a groom that has ever noticed who was wearing makeup.”
“This is a very strange situation.”
“I suggest you stop participating in any further discussions.”
“Something doesn’t add up here.”
“Let Jo & Henry figure out their problems.”- Alarming_Reply_6286
It’s hard not to be a bit perplexed that Henry felt the OP upstaged Jo by not wearing makeup.
Nor can one help but wonder if Jo had noticed Henry behave like this on prior occasions.
If Henry wants Jo even to consider moving back in, he’d better change his sexist views… and fast.