It's interesting how some people believe their opinions and desires have to be taken into account, no matter the situation.
This seems especially common during special events, like wedding planning, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor amibridezilla01 was surprised when one of her sisters became particularly insistent about how her son could attend her wedding, to the point of talking about trespassing.
When her sister accused her of being a bridezilla about the situation, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was handling the situation correctly.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for saying I would throw out my sister if she brought her child to my childfree wedding?"
The OP announced early that she would have a childfree wedding.
"I need a sanity check to see if I'm being a bridezilla here."
"My fiancé (27 Male) and I (26 Female) are planning our wedding. We decided to have a childless wedding for several reasons."
"I know that the idea of a childless wedding is pretty heavily discussed on its own, but we've been to both childless weddings and those with children and found those without just simply more relaxed and undisturbed."
"Our wedding will be in early 2023, but we already 'warned' out family that we don't want children there."
"We brought that up over the holidays and nobody complained back then."
"We haven't made official invitations yet either, but we wanted the info out as early as possible."
One sister asked for an exception for her teenage daughter.
"Last week I was at my parents' house and my sisters were there too."
"Sister 1 asked me if my one niece might come along, since she will be over 16 when the wedding takes place (where we live, that's also the legal drinking age)."
"Since I think that my niece would be able to partake in the wedding mostly like an adult (AKA, staying there late, eating her food, don't start to cry or run around randomly, have a toast with us), I said that she can come along."
The OP's second sister challenged her.
"Sister 2 just laughed at this and basically just said, 'Yeah, as if she can control if you can bring your child,' and said she would bring her son (5 now) as well."
"I told her that I don't want children there, and she just said that I can't stop her."
"I answered that if she will just randomly bring her child, we will just send her away and not let her in."
"She called me a bridezilla for that, and some insults, and basically just left."
The OP had mixed feelings.
"I know that the problem is not that she can't get a babysitter."
"Firstly, my sister and her husband make more money than me and my fiancé, and we're both already well off."
"Secondly, my nephew sleeps over at her in-laws most weekends, mostly Saturday to Sunday. He's their first grand-child so they're over the moon with him and my sister and her husband get some time for themselves."
"The wedding is on a Saturday, which would be the 'date night' of my sister and her husband anyways."
The OP's mother wanted her to change her plans.
"My mom said that I should let my nephew come too, just for peace's sake."
"But it's the wedding of my fiancé and me, and we don't want children there."
"Am I being a bridezilla for wanting that?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP had given the family plenty of time to plan for the wedding.
"All you did was ask someone to respect the rules of your wedding, you weren't being a bridezilla. I also think you're NTA." - nerdqueen69
"I had a child free wedding as did my sister. The one sort of exception at my wedding was my niece."
"She was 6 months old and still nursing, so my MIL (mother-in-law) hired a babysitter who watched her in the bridal suite. My SIL (sister-in-law) could pop out, nurse her, and go back to the adults only reception."
"I have a son, now 11, and he's never been to a wedding because my cousins have only done childfree weddings."
"My husband and I get a date night, my son gets pizza and plays Minecraft, and the dog gets to snuggle with the sitter. Everyone wins!" - rbaltimore
"My mom says she was kind of miffed when someone on my dad's side had a child-free wedding when my brother was a toddler (because her family is huge and generally invites kids), but in the end she loved it."
"She was out on the dance floor with a glass of wine thinking, 'Thank god I didn't bring the baby, this is so much less stressful.'"
"It was one of my parents' first real nights off of parenting and they needed the break, haha." - Ok-Bus2328
"If you were to let the 5 year old come, you would have to open it to all children. If you didn't, then you would be the AH, because other people scrambled to find sitters to come."
"You shouldn't HAVE to conform to what your sister wants. It's your wedding day. It not like you are saying someone can't wear a certain outfit or color or have to have a certain hairstyle."
"I would definitely have the groomsmen on notice, in case your sister tried anyway. That way they can kick her out."
"And if she doesn't go willing, you have to be able to call the police and have her escorted out, as she's then trespassing."
"NTA, but your mother and sister are." - Reading4Drama
"NTA - your sister #2 is being unfair, unreasonable, and most importantly - an a**hole."
"Your wedding is child free - a 16 year old is not a 'child' in this context, as you've noted. That being said, I kinda feel bad for her if she's the only one there who isn't a proper adult (but that's besides the point)."
"Child free weddings are absolutely acceptable - I had one with some notable exceptions (e.g. my wife's family traveling in from Hawaii brought their toddler, who stayed at the hotel with one of my family friend's kids as a sitter) and my nieces were flower girls (they left early to go back to the hotel with the same sitter)."
"If that's what you and fiance want for your wedding, there's no reason anyone should try to go around you."
"You won't have a menu for a 5 year old, for one thing. Nor will there be any entertainment geared for your nephew. It's bluntly not very fair of his mother to bring him under the circumstances."
"To be clear - this isn't about your love for this little boy - it's about an adult party for adults." - FrnchLwyr
Others agreed and said the sister was rude for bringing someone who wasn't invited.
"100% by the time the reception begins the sister and her husband are going to be dumping that 5yo onto someone else so they can enjoy their night."
"Some people just do not enjoy being told what to do and will make themselves miserable if it means sticking it to the person making the rules." - Confident_Profit_210
"Based on OP's information, that's a day the kid is usually at his (paternal) grandparents' house. She is literally doing this out of spite and malice." - thatpotatogirl9
"The fact that the sister made the comment 'like she could stop you' tells me she doesn't understand boundaries." - Itchy-Worldliness-21
"It's also the way the sister didn't actually ask if her 5 year old could attend, just trampled all over OPs very reasonable request/rule for her wedding."
"If she genuinely couldn't find a sitter or she had her heart set on your nephew being involved and took you to one side to ask, that would be one thing - you still would absolutely be within your rights to say no - but she just acted so entitled and was rude, completely discounting your feelings. NTA." - Larisamus
"He'll be 6 by the time the wedding rolls around, but that's really not much better than 5 in this case, especially if he'd be the only kid there."
"Then there's the whole, 'Oh, you let them bring their child, why can't we bring ours?' nonsense that OP would have to deal with. Sister is being entitled." - dyeung57
Some pointed out that this wouldn't be a fun occasion for the 5-year-old anyway.
"NTA. You might've been TA if you refused for the 16-year-old to come, but a 5-year-old and a 16-year-old are hugely different developmentally and in their ability to behave at weddings." - parishilton2
"Also consider one 5-year-old kid at a wedding with no other kids. What a miserable time he would have."
"Seriously. Why would she even want to do this?"
"Plus 'you can't stop somebody from coming to your wedding even though they weren't invited,' is what she's saying and that is AH behavior. No, unless you use force, you can't necessarily stop people from bringing uninvited guests, but who does that?!" - Sleeping_Lizard
"Being the only 5-year-old at an adult-only party sounds excruciating."
"I've enjoyed child-welcome weddings, but I also have a large enough extended family that the younger cousins are able to hang out and play together/dance together/generally entertain themselves to a certain extent. That's not gonna be the case here."
"Heck, it wouldn't even be surprising if the 16-year-old passes, just from knowing they'd be the youngest person there." - Ok-Bus2328
"A five-year-old is going to get bored, overtired, overstimulated, or just plain antsy. They're going to respond the way a five year old responds: hyperactivity, fussiness, crying, or a tantrum."
"A sixteen year old? The worst (talking normal scales of behavior, not atypical outbursts) they do is surf TikTok with the volume on full."
"I have a 5-year-old. I wouldn't inflict him on a wedding or inflict a wedding on him."
"What concerns me the most is OP's sister's determination to show up anyway. That speaks to a level of entitlement that makes me even more worried about the five year old's learned behaviors." - aSeaPersonByNight
"My parents used to drag us to weddings all the time (way too many relatives in my family), I hated them. Even the one I was a flower girl in."
"They were long and boring and annoying with all the rules. It was marginally better if there were other kids or they let me bring a book. But weddings generally are not fun for kids."
"Sometimes receptions are, but mostly not. They are hot and noisy and boring for kids, especially if there are not a lot of kids they know well/get along with there." - GrizeldaLovesCats
While some of her family wanted her to change her plans for the wedding, the subReddit thought the OP was perfectly within her rights to a childfree wedding, especially considering the advanced notice she had already given.
Trying to sneak someone into a wedding, whether they're a child or not, isn't a great look.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.