It’s interesting how some people believe their opinions and desires have to be taken into account, no matter the situation.
This seems especially common during special events, like wedding planning, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor amibridezilla01 was surprised when one of her sisters became particularly insistent about how her son could attend her wedding, to the point of talking about trespassing.
When her sister accused her of being a bridezilla about the situation, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was handling the situation correctly.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for saying I would throw out my sister if she brought her child to my childfree wedding?”
The OP announced early that she would have a childfree wedding.
“I need a sanity check to see if I’m being a bridezilla here.”
“My fiancé (27 Male) and I (26 Female) are planning our wedding. We decided to have a childless wedding for several reasons.”
“I know that the idea of a childless wedding is pretty heavily discussed on its own, but we’ve been to both childless weddings and those with children and found those without just simply more relaxed and undisturbed.”
“Our wedding will be in early 2023, but we already ‘warned’ out family that we don’t want children there.”
“We brought that up over the holidays and nobody complained back then.”
“We haven’t made official invitations yet either, but we wanted the info out as early as possible.”
One sister asked for an exception for her teenage daughter.
“Last week I was at my parents’ house and my sisters were there too.”
“Sister 1 asked me if my one niece might come along, since she will be over 16 when the wedding takes place (where we live, that’s also the legal drinking age).”
“Since I think that my niece would be able to partake in the wedding mostly like an adult (AKA, staying there late, eating her food, don’t start to cry or run around randomly, have a toast with us), I said that she can come along.”
The OP’s second sister challenged her.
“Sister 2 just laughed at this and basically just said, ‘Yeah, as if she can control if you can bring your child,’ and said she would bring her son (5 now) as well.”
“I told her that I don’t want children there, and she just said that I can’t stop her.”
“I answered that if she will just randomly bring her child, we will just send her away and not let her in.”
“She called me a bridezilla for that, and some insults, and basically just left.”
The OP had mixed feelings.
“I know that the problem is not that she can’t get a babysitter.”
“Firstly, my sister and her husband make more money than me and my fiancé, and we’re both already well off.”
“Secondly, my nephew sleeps over at her in-laws most weekends, mostly Saturday to Sunday. He’s their first grand-child so they’re over the moon with him and my sister and her husband get some time for themselves.”
“The wedding is on a Saturday, which would be the ‘date night’ of my sister and her husband anyways.”
The OP’s mother wanted her to change her plans.
“My mom said that I should let my nephew come too, just for peace’s sake.”
“But it’s the wedding of my fiancé and me, and we don’t want children there.”
“Am I being a bridezilla for wanting that?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP had given the family plenty of time to plan for the wedding.
“All you did was ask someone to respect the rules of your wedding, you weren’t being a bridezilla. I also think you’re NTA.” – nerdqueen69
“I had a child free wedding as did my sister. The one sort of exception at my wedding was my niece.”
“She was 6 months old and still nursing, so my MIL (mother-in-law) hired a babysitter who watched her in the bridal suite. My SIL (sister-in-law) could pop out, nurse her, and go back to the adults only reception.”
“I have a son, now 11, and he’s never been to a wedding because my cousins have only done childfree weddings.”
“My husband and I get a date night, my son gets pizza and plays Minecraft, and the dog gets to snuggle with the sitter. Everyone wins!” – rbaltimore
“My mom says she was kind of miffed when someone on my dad’s side had a child-free wedding when my brother was a toddler (because her family is huge and generally invites kids), but in the end she loved it.”
“She was out on the dance floor with a glass of wine thinking, ‘Thank god I didn’t bring the baby, this is so much less stressful.'”
“It was one of my parents’ first real nights off of parenting and they needed the break, haha.” – Ok-Bus2328
“If you were to let the 5 year old come, you would have to open it to all children. If you didn’t, then you would be the AH, because other people scrambled to find sitters to come.”
“You shouldn’t HAVE to conform to what your sister wants. It’s your wedding day. It not like you are saying someone can’t wear a certain outfit or color or have to have a certain hairstyle.”
“I would definitely have the groomsmen on notice, in case your sister tried anyway. That way they can kick her out.”
“And if she doesn’t go willing, you have to be able to call the police and have her escorted out, as she’s then trespassing.”
“NTA, but your mother and sister are.” – Reading4Drama
“NTA – your sister #2 is being unfair, unreasonable, and most importantly – an a**hole.”
“Your wedding is child free – a 16 year old is not a ‘child’ in this context, as you’ve noted. That being said, I kinda feel bad for her if she’s the only one there who isn’t a proper adult (but that’s besides the point).”
“Child free weddings are absolutely acceptable – I had one with some notable exceptions (e.g. my wife’s family traveling in from Hawaii brought their toddler, who stayed at the hotel with one of my family friend’s kids as a sitter) and my nieces were flower girls (they left early to go back to the hotel with the same sitter).”
“If that’s what you and fiance want for your wedding, there’s no reason anyone should try to go around you.”
“You won’t have a menu for a 5 year old, for one thing. Nor will there be any entertainment geared for your nephew. It’s bluntly not very fair of his mother to bring him under the circumstances.”
“To be clear – this isn’t about your love for this little boy – it’s about an adult party for adults.” – FrnchLwyr
Others agreed and said the sister was rude for bringing someone who wasn’t invited.
“100% by the time the reception begins the sister and her husband are going to be dumping that 5yo onto someone else so they can enjoy their night.”
“Some people just do not enjoy being told what to do and will make themselves miserable if it means sticking it to the person making the rules.” – Confident_Profit_210
“Based on OP’s information, that’s a day the kid is usually at his (paternal) grandparents’ house. She is literally doing this out of spite and malice.” – thatpotatogirl9
“The fact that the sister made the comment ‘like she could stop you’ tells me she doesn’t understand boundaries.” – Itchy-Worldliness-21
“It’s also the way the sister didn’t actually ask if her 5 year old could attend, just trampled all over OPs very reasonable request/rule for her wedding.”
“If she genuinely couldn’t find a sitter or she had her heart set on your nephew being involved and took you to one side to ask, that would be one thing – you still would absolutely be within your rights to say no – but she just acted so entitled and was rude, completely discounting your feelings. NTA.” – Larisamus
“He’ll be 6 by the time the wedding rolls around, but that’s really not much better than 5 in this case, especially if he’d be the only kid there.”
“Then there’s the whole, ‘Oh, you let them bring their child, why can’t we bring ours?’ nonsense that OP would have to deal with. Sister is being entitled.” – dyeung57
Some pointed out that this wouldn’t be a fun occasion for the 5-year-old anyway.
“NTA. You might’ve been TA if you refused for the 16-year-old to come, but a 5-year-old and a 16-year-old are hugely different developmentally and in their ability to behave at weddings.” – parishilton2
“Also consider one 5-year-old kid at a wedding with no other kids. What a miserable time he would have.”
“Seriously. Why would she even want to do this?”
“Plus ‘you can’t stop somebody from coming to your wedding even though they weren’t invited,’ is what she’s saying and that is AH behavior. No, unless you use force, you can’t necessarily stop people from bringing uninvited guests, but who does that?!” – Sleeping_Lizard
“Being the only 5-year-old at an adult-only party sounds excruciating.”
“I’ve enjoyed child-welcome weddings, but I also have a large enough extended family that the younger cousins are able to hang out and play together/dance together/generally entertain themselves to a certain extent. That’s not gonna be the case here.”
“Heck, it wouldn’t even be surprising if the 16-year-old passes, just from knowing they’d be the youngest person there.” – Ok-Bus2328
“A five-year-old is going to get bored, overtired, overstimulated, or just plain antsy. They’re going to respond the way a five year old responds: hyperactivity, fussiness, crying, or a tantrum.”
“A sixteen year old? The worst (talking normal scales of behavior, not atypical outbursts) they do is surf TikTok with the volume on full.”
“I have a 5-year-old. I wouldn’t inflict him on a wedding or inflict a wedding on him.”
“What concerns me the most is OP’s sister’s determination to show up anyway. That speaks to a level of entitlement that makes me even more worried about the five year old’s learned behaviors.” – aSeaPersonByNight
“My parents used to drag us to weddings all the time (way too many relatives in my family), I hated them. Even the one I was a flower girl in.”
“They were long and boring and annoying with all the rules. It was marginally better if there were other kids or they let me bring a book. But weddings generally are not fun for kids.”
“Sometimes receptions are, but mostly not. They are hot and noisy and boring for kids, especially if there are not a lot of kids they know well/get along with there.” – GrizeldaLovesCats
While some of her family wanted her to change her plans for the wedding, the subReddit thought the OP was perfectly within her rights to a childfree wedding, especially considering the advanced notice she had already given.
Trying to sneak someone into a wedding, whether they’re a child or not, isn’t a great look.