Most of us try our best to meet our finicky relatives’ requests when they’re guests in our homes. But some peoples’ requirements can be way over the line.
A Redditor found themself embroiled in drama for precisely this reason: They got fed up with their picky brother-in-law’s demands and banned him from their house.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by mf9769 on the site, wasn’t sure about how they handled the situation, so they went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
They asked:
“AITA for banning my picky eater BIL from my house and telling him he’s not welcome until I say he is?”
They explained:
“Backstory: My wife and I have been married for a year. I’ve know her and her brother (J, M[ale] 20) for over a decade. They have a 10 year difference.”
“For as long as I’ve known him, J’s been a picky eater. His diet consists of fast food and junk food. Essentially, at get togethers, his parents have always gotten him special orders. We’d all be eating salads or some kind of meat, and he’d be eating a fried chicken sandwich.”
“He also smokes marijuana oil. This isn’t a problem for me. Mostly because how he was raised isn’t my problem and also that I enjoy fast food on occasion, and I smoke weed. Nothing wrong with that, and I’ve tried my best to teach J to smoke responsibly.”
“However, there are two things that concern me. First, my in-laws are against marijuana smoking. His smoking’s gone far: he throws tantrums when he can’t smoke, and once got his father arrested due to his habit of running away when he got caught.”
“The second is that J, throws tantrums when he doesn’t get what he wants. For example, recently, my wife and I had her cousin and his wife over. J came too because and asked us to get buffalo wild wings. J’s order came in wrong: he wanted boneless and got bone-in wings.”
“He started yelling, refusing to sit down and eat, and generally being a brat, all because he didn’t get the right food. We called BWW, got a refund and got him his boneless wings. But I warned him that while I don’t care what he does at home, at my house, we do things calmly.”
“My wife and I have stressful jobs. Being more stressed on top of that is’t something we want. Beyond that, I was raised to eat what’s at the table: either find something you want, or stay hungry. No one should cater to you unless you have dietary needs (allergies, kosher/halal/hindu, etc).”
“Things came to a head last week. I was in Austin with a group of friends, and my wife decided to host a father’s day lunch for our families. J lost his weed pen and threw a tantrum the day i flew out.”
“On father’s day, people came over to our house: my folks, her’s, my aunt and uncle, my cousin and J. My folks got some mediteranean take out for the group. J refused to eat it and demanded Pizza Hut. All the Pizza Huts were closed, and he refused anything else, with things escalating to pouting, yelling and screaming, until finally, my in-laws apologized and left with him.”
“I found this out while preparing for a night out, with my stressed wife crying to me over the phone that her parents had left embarassed in front of my family. I texted J immediately and told him that I’d warned him before and that he’s no longer welcome in my home until he learns to behave.”
“My wife and MIL agree with me, for now. I’ve so far been told I may be the AH by my parents, who think I might alienate myself from my in laws. My dad’s reasoning is that they’ll all forgive him, but won’t forgive me if I stand my ground and not let him come over. So reddit, AITA or do you agree with my folks?”
Folks on Reddit were then asked to evaluate who is in the wrong in this scenario based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And most seemed to agree that OP had every right to make the moves that he did.
“Oh hell no.”
“I was fully prepared to say y.ta but your title is wrong. You’re not banning him for being a picky eater you’re banning him because he acts like a 2yr old.”
“NTA” —FoxUniCarKilo
“… picky eater has nothing to do with it. What he chooses to eat would be a terrible reason to ban him by itself. His behavior is unacceptable though and you are not at all obligated to deal with it in your own home. NTA” —efrisbee
“Any reasonable adult will do their best to go with the flow. A picky eater who is reasonable will not demand or expect special food, but simply eat what they can from what is offered.”
“OP’s BIL is not only unreasonable, but incredibly immature.”
“NTA for laying down the boundary of civil behaviour in your own house.” —njozz
“…This isn’t picky eating.”
“My five year old is a picky eater.”
“Even she is sensible enough to either ask for an alternative or find things on her plate that she will eat.”
“She will never throw a tantrum until she gets what she wants…because she is old enough to know better.” —Kelfa1003
“Picky eater here! You are correct – it has nothing to do with the fact that he’s a picky eater, it’s his bad behavior and tantrums.”
“In a case where I may not find something to eat, I will mind my business and interact with the other guests – once we leave, I’ll figure something else out. I don’t want to be a burden on the hosts nor to anyone around me.”
“Even before plans people are kind enough to ask what I would want and I always tell them not to worry, as these events or get togethers are not about me.”
“So OP, NTA.” —bringmethemashup
Hopefully OP’s brother-in-law can learn to be a bit more easy going in the future.