A bride had her wedding day ruined when her homophobic and racist brother-in-law (BIL) showed up uninvited.
But there was more drama to come long after she exchanged vows with her husband.
Redditor RootVegetable001 visited the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit and asked strangers on the internet:
“AITA for deleting my BIL out of my wedding photos?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained why she would have her BIL digitally erased.
“I got married earlier this year and I LOVE my in-laws. Everyone is great except for my BIL ‘Stan’ who is married to my husband’s sister ‘Jen.'”
“He’s extremely rude, openly racist and homophobic, and very loud about his religious beliefs. He has a lot of misogynistic views and repeatedly makes comments to my husband about how ’embarrassing’ it must be to have a wife who works outside the home and shows off her body to other men.”
“(I wear shorts. It’s very scandalous.) The gloves came off when Stan told our 6 y/o that she was destined to be a ‘heathen whore’ because I had her while ‘living in sin’. He is banned from our life.”
“Him being at our wedding was out of the question. Everyone else in the family agreed.”
“Big Surprise: He came anyway.”
“He was loud, disruptive, and his behavior was erratic at best. He stole one of the serving spoons from the buffet and presented it to my husband recommending it as a way to ‘keep me in line.'”
“He knocked over the cupcakes onto the floor. At one point, he started taking off his shirt to reveal this super offensive t-shirt with homophobic phrases on it. He was out of control.”
“Husband & BIL #2 escorted him off the property. Jen was distraught. All our friends and family were horrified. It was not a great way to end our wedding day.”
“Fast forward a few months later, we were going through the photo gallery from our wedding and I see that Stan is lurking in several of our big family shots. I zoom in and realize he’s flashing a racist hand symbol.”
“I was livid so I had my photographer edit him out completely. I then blew up the edited photo onto a canvas and hung it on my wall.”
“A few more months pass, the pandemic is in full swing and we only get to interact with family via Zoom. MIL sees the family picture in the background and wants a copy so I send her one. Everything is fine. I didn’t even think of the fact that we took Stan out of it.”
“Long story short: Stan saw the photo at my MILs house & realized he was edited out of it.. He freaked and made my MIL cry. She called me and asked to have the unedited version of the photo so she can hang it up instead.”
“I explained the offensive gesture to her & reminded her that Stan wasn’t invited and he was horrible so I refused to give her the file.”
“She found a different picture of Stan and called back to ask if my photographer could add him in there. I refused again. This set off more family drama.”
“My entire new family-in-law is now divided on whether or not I’m TA for refusing to add any version of Stan into the photo. Jen won’t speak to me bc she feels like I’m trying to exclude her family from the only family photo we have of all of us.”
“MIL thinks we should keep the peace. SIL #2 thinks its ‘a little petty of me’ to keep Stan excluded. Husband is on my side and thinks that the photo drama is stupid because Stan is terrible and everyone hates him.”
“So Reddit..AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors declared NTA and also expressed concern for Jen and wondered if the family was enabling her husband’s toxic behavior.
“What in the actual F? Have people always been this insane? I fear for the future of humanity. NTA. NTA. NTA.”
“For the love of God, quit engaging with anyone on this ridiculous topic. Stop arguing about racist trash. There is nothing more to talk about. Stop responding. Stop worrying about what people who do not matter think about anything. Stop trying to ‘smooth things over’ with crazy people.”
“It will never happen. Save yourself a lot of grief and just stop. Tell ‘Jen’ that you are and will continue to ‘exclude her family’ as long as she is married to him. She should be embarrassed about her poor life choices.”
“Congratulations, BTW – and best wishes for a long and happy marriage.” – PuzzleheadedBasket25
“NTA. Jesus Christ, NTA.” – SparklyUnicornLady
“this is a perfect example of why its acceptable to cut family out of your life. I feel like the rest of the in laws already know he sucks and need to get with the program and kick him to the curb as well.”
“NTA. WTF. Why is Jen not divorcing him, how can his behaviour at her brothers wedding be excused, dismissed or otherwise accepted by the family.”
“You need to take Jen aside and stage an intervention.” – vanakov
“I mean its pretty obvious that nobody would be against op in this if he didn’t happen to be family.” – l3gi0n_1183
“You know, there’s probably a nice picture of him in a Klan robe your mom could hang in her sh**ter.” – RonaldMcFirbank
“OP has a racist free policy for wedding photos. Like not only being a boor, but flashing racist signs?”
“OP, maybe consider telling your MIL that BIL is racist trash, and if she keeps supporting him, she’s going to be joining him on a**hole island. And your kids don’t visit.” – xasdfxx
“Yeah and the photo he IS IN (that was edited) he was so incredibly racist they wouldn’t be able to edit him back into it with his original pose they have to TRY to find an entirely different photo of him not being racist to try and use to cover his OWN SELF up.”
“If they did this- that would be beyond next level layering.. it’s a Group Family Photo- but it’s more than that.. it would be a physical representation of what his side of the family has been doing for years- covering up his bad behaviour. Hiding his racism.”
“Just pretending everything is okay when there was absolute chaos (yet again) for the sake of what? Clearly not other people’s feelings.”
“So no OP.. (if you read this) You’ve said and made your peace, this chapter is closed. NTA.” – dabbler_dame
Redditors remained clear they didn’t stand with “Stan.”