Helping family isn’t always a smooth process.
If one can help a loved one in need, that’s great.
But if that loved one seems to be taking advantage, it all doesn’t go over well.
Some people just can’t appreciate nice gestures.
Redditor mia_donnelly wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to let my brother live in my apartment for free just because we’re family?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (27 F[emale]) bought a small apartment two years ago with my own money and a mortgage I’m still paying off.”
“I live alone and worked really hard to be independent.”
“My younger brother (22 M[ale]) just finished school and asked if he could crash at my place for a few months.”
“I said okay, but if he helped with utilities and groceries (like 200$/month tops) and respected a few basic rules (clean up after yourself, no loud guests every night, etc).”
“He completely lost it. “
“Said I was greedy, cold, and ‘treating family like strangers.'”
“He told our relatives I was trying to ‘profit off my own brother,’ and now I’m getting texts from our aunts and cousins telling me I’m heartless.
“I’m honestly just trying to protect my space and peace.”
“I don’t think asking for basic respect and a bit of help with costs makes me an a**hole.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Spoiler alert– he was planning on staying a LOT longer than a couple of months.”
“Tell all of the relatives sending you nastygrams that you’ll let your brother know that they are willing to house him for free.” ~ celticmusebooks
“Sounds like she has already seen the drama that his moving in would bring.”
“Trash took itself out before he even moved in! NTA… tell him there is NO vacancy.” ~ IllReplacement336
“Oh, and be sure to tell little brother that the original offer is completely off the table – before he realizes that his Plan B (having family exert immense pressure) isn’t looking promising.”
“Then he will come back and try to take the earlier deal.”
“Slam that door before it hits you!” ~ pkincpmd
“NTA. Your brother is an adult, and if $200 and basic manners are too much for him, good luck finding somewhere better.
“Why don’t the relatives offer him their place?” ~ kjlo78
“NTA. Be honest with your family.”
“Tell them you really didn’t want a roommate of any kind, but you were willing to tolerate one for a short period as a favor to your brother.”
‘But now he is being so unpleasant that you realize that sharing a living space with him, even for a short period of time would be a disaster.”
‘Then suggest that one of them take him in.” ~ Coollogin
“NTA. How are you profiting?”
“It sounds like he expects you to subsidize his existence.”
“Why should you be responsible for housing a grown man?”
“Do not let him move in at all, even if he agrees to pay.”
“He definitely will not pay, and will absolutely disrespect you and your home, as he has shown.” ~ FairyCompetent
“NTA. Tell your brother his tattling on you just cost him a place to crash.”
“Tell your family they are welcome to house him, clean up for him, and feed him for free.” ~ Reasonable-Bad-769
“Your brother is confused; he thinks you’re his mother and are therefore responsible for feeding, sheltering, and clothing him.”
“He’s about to learn that the world owes him nothing.”
“In some ways, it’s a more valuable lesson than what he learned in college. NTA.” ~ hospicedoc
“I’d wager that (A) he was planning to spend more than a few months…”
“(B) He had no intention of helping with the costs of living, and…”
“(C) he was going to treat your place like a hotel.”
“Your conditions were absolutely reasonable.”
“You did nothing wrong; tell the critics that you’ll be giving your brother their names as potential hosts, so that they can practice what they’re preaching. NTA.” ~ wesmorgan1
“NTA. Pull up a text document on your phone, type out the rules you wanted him to follow, then send a text to everyone who is calling you heartless, and tell them these are the rules you wanted him to follow, and you wanted him to help with utilities and groceries, since those costs will be increasing if he lives there too.”
“Anyone who is still on his side after, tell them you’re so glad they feel that way, and you’ll let your brother know the good news that they are willing to let him stay there and sponge off them.”
“Then actually send him a text saying so and so said you can stay with them, without any rules, or pitching in for food.” ~ _Allyka_
“NTA. The utilities would go up with another person living there, it’s only fair he contributes, and you’re not asking for a lot.”
“It would be more expensive for him to go live with roommates.”
“He’s being entitled and ungrateful.”
“Protect your peace.”
“You’re better off not sharing your space with him.”
“And congratulations on buying your own property!” ~ Chuchitosmomma
“NTA.”
“1- It’s a very common and very sad thing to hide under the ‘family should help each other’ banner to take advantage of each other financially.”
“The absurdity of thinking he could just stay for free is intense.”
“He’s not a kid, and you’re not his mum.”
“2- The fact that your brother thinks you can profit from having a tenant at a monthly $200 shows he’s never paid serious rent.”
“3- Aunts and relatives with strong opinions criticizing you should feel welcome to host your brother in your stead.” ~ silentjudge_
“NTA. Wow. Ask him and your family members why it’s ok for you to have to pay more because he’s there, and why you should be paying for a grown man’s groceries?”
“If he were staying a weekend, fine, but no.”
“He wants to fully move in. Nope.” ~ Evening-Cry-8233
“NTA: Tell him to find somewhere else to live.”
“Do not let him move in; he has entitlement syndrome.”
“You will regret and be miserable if you allow him to move in.”
“He is an adult; he needs to figure it out himself.”
“Feel no guilt.” ~ Initial_Potato5023
“NTA. Goodness, and he is a whiner.”
“I feel for people who do this, aunts/cousins, are you somehow motivated by uninvolved people insulting you?”
“Because I find most people don’t change their views like that.”
“So wtf are you even doing?”
“Yeah, I’m heartless, and you brokies have been warned.” ~ pottersquash
“NTA – It’s only free for him, because all of your expenses will go up.”
“I would send a group text so that everyone receives the same message at the same time: ‘I am asking for respect of my space and assistance with the additional amount I will have to pay for utilities and groceries.'”
“‘I’m not asking for a 50/50 split.'”
“‘Since I am so heartless, which one of YOU has volunteered to step up and house, and feed, and clothe a grown man?'”
“I would include the brother in the text too, but I’m petty like that.” ~ DifficultyNo3093
“NTA. Funny how the word ‘family’ is used as an excuse to cross boundaries and/ or mooch off someone.”
“Don’t let him move in, you will never get him out, nor get the basics you requested.”
“And if your relatives don’t like it, they are welcome to let him crash at their places for a few months.” ~ FuturePurple7802
“NTA – give him the names of everyone who is backing him; he can mooch off of them.”
“He’s looking for a free ride.”
“Tell him you’re too young and not rich enough to be a sugar momma, I just gave myself ick, but you get it right?”
“You don’t need your very own leech.” ~ remyknows8182
“He certainly showed you how much respect you’d get for yourself and your home, didn’t he?”
“You’d be taking in a tattling toddler who runs crying to family at every turn.”
“Ignore all of them.”
“He proved your decision was correct.” ~ istoomycat
“NTA, and don’t let him live with you, no matter what, at this point.”
“If you do let him move in, he’s going to ignore whatever rules he previously agreed on since he’s already whining about your simple request.” ~ Bottom_of_the_bottle
“NTA, your younger brother is asking for a free ride.”
“If you had let him in the door, I would expect that you’d never get rid of him without major headaches and huge effort.”
“Hard to give free rent, meals, and no utilities bills, after all.” ~ Barbarossa49
“One, two, three nights, he would be a guest, and you would probably cater to him. Months?!”
“He cleans up after himself and contributes to utilities. NTA.” ~ scooby946
“NTA. Your costs will go up while he is living with you.”
“He should anticipate sharing those costs and also contributing to groceries.”
“You are his sibling, not a parent.”
“If he wants that type of hospitality, tell him to find a rich friend.”
“You haven’t been unreasonable in the least.”
“Besides, he needs an incentive to get out of the house and find a job.”
“You’ve probably seen scads of posts about freeloading kids who spend their days vaping and sitting on the couch playing video games.”
“You don’t want to risk that.”
“Thank the relatives for their concern and say you will pass on their invitation for a free place to your brother.” ~ kandoux
“NTA, so he was going to get to live there for $200/month for utilities and groceries, and HE thought YOU were taking advantage?”
“LOL, good luck to him finding somewhere else.”
“Maybe one of your relatives will take him in for free!” ~ Jerseygirl2468
Reddit has your back, OP.
You’re not asking for much.
That amount and the rules are reasonable.
Stand your ground.
Don’t allow your brother to bully you.