If a couple falls in love and decides to spend the rest of their lives together, how important are the people they used to be with?
A recent post to the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit gave one couple’s answer to that question.
The Original Poster (OP), known as brotherwifeaita, explained the extent of the previous relationship with the post’s title.
“AITA for not telling my brother me and his (now) wife used to be friends with benefits?”
OP began some quick history.
“Me [23-year-old male] and my brother’s [26-year-old male] wife [23-year-old female] have known each other long before they started dating.”
“We met in freshman year of college and almost immediately became friends with benefits, this went on for about 3 years maybe every other day.”
“We weren’t compatible at all so we never dated, just sex.”
Eventually, things changed.
“During that time both of us have gotten into relationships but nothing serious so we didn’t stop.”
“3 years ago the two of them met at a party I hosted and they hit it off, fast forward a year and they’re married.”
“During that time they were dating we didn’t have sex at all out of respect for my brother.”
But people talk.
“A couple of days ago they got drunk, her way more than him, and she mentioned it. He was absolutely furious.”
“He called me to confront me about it and I didn’t think it was that big of a deal and since it was before they started dating, none of his business.”
“He started screaming at me, packed his bags and went to stay with a friend. I didn’t know he would be so mad about it and he hasn’t been answering any of ours calls or texts.”
“So, am I the a**hole?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
An overwhelming majority of Redditors laid into OP.
They called him an a**hole for all he did—and didn’t do.
“YTA, your brother…..started dating a girl you boinked… multiple times. Then he got engaged and you didn’t tell him”
“Then he got MARRIED and you still didn’t tell him!!!”
“You and the wife are both AH” — box246
“YTA Oh my god, this is absolutely relevant information. He feels like a dupe now. Nobody wants to find our their spouse and sibling kept something like that hidden for years.” — madelinegumbo
“YTA. Not for the relationship, but for not disclosing it to you own brother. When you conceal stuff like that, you make it into a WAY bigger deal than it needs to be.”
“Your brother feels betrayed because you kept it from him, not because it happened. He didn’t get the chance to enter into a marriage with all the information about prior relationships within his own family.”
“He should also be mad at his wife—the very fact that she didn’t tell him either demonstrates that this isn’t a healthy marriage.”
“I’m not sure why you think he shouldn’t feel hurt here. This is a really sad situation that was totally avoidable.” — theneverendingsorry
“YTA . You guys only f’ked like six hundred times. No big deal. None of his business, right? LOL” — imvotinghere
“YTA. I would never go with a man that had stuck his pp in one of my siblings. It’s weird af. You and the wife are both TA.” — testyhedgehog
“YTA, just because you find it okay doesn’t mean he would too. In fact deep down you knew it would be weird to bring it up, which is why you withheld the info anyway.”
“Personally, I find this very disturbing and he’s probably making up weird scenarios in his mind (reasonably so, because you hid this, what else could you have hidden?)” — 60five
Plenty of people just couldn’t believe it didn’t come up.
“YTA you knew damn well it was a big deal otherwise you would’ve told him.” — Jane466
“It doesn’t seem like you and your brother are that close.”
“If you were friends it probably would have come up in the 3 years it was going on. (For 3 years and no feelings on either side, is that in the Guinness Book of Records?)”
“But you let him date her without telling him, where’s the Brocode, and you are actually brothers and now you two are Eskimo Brothers. It’s one thing to knowingly share, but this is weird. YTA dude.” — StartedOffasAnOrgasm
“YTA. No this wasn’t cheating as there was no overlap… but it’s still a major breach of trust. I’m sure your brother now has A TON of questions as to why did you and his wife keep your long term sexual relationship—which included both of you cheating with each other on your current partners—a secret from him.”
“A lie by omission is still a lie, and y’all have been telling this lie for years.” — DiligentPenguin16
Some predicted the worst.
“Yta. You f’ked his wife for 3 years, both cheating on partners to f’k each other. And only stopped when he met her.”
“This is a HUGE deal. He’s probably getting a divorce lawyer as I type this. I hope he is.”
“And I hope he does divorce her and cuts you off. You’re both just… ugh.”
“My comment would get deleted for using the correct words to describe the two of you. You two should date.”
“Cheaters deserve each other.” — SummerDaisy13
“YTA. How could you possibly be this obtuse? The time to mention that you banged his wife every other day for THREE YEARS was as soon as you found out they were dating.”
“I would divorce her and never talk to either of you ever again.”
“YTA and so is his wife (your old booty call). I think he should divorce her. It’s never going to be the same. You broke the bro code. You’re a terrible brother.” — Cold-Released4985
Looks like all OP can do is wait to see what his brother decides now that he’s made this discovery.