Nice as it is to receive an invitation to come to a friend or family member’s house for dinner, some people always accept the invitation with a bit of trepidation.
As they can’t be too sure if there will be anything served that they will be able to eat.
If the hosts are serving food someone simply doesn’t like, most of the time they will just put on a good face and do their best to keep it down.
In some cases, however, the guests in question are truly unable to eat the food they’ve been served.
Redditor gutenoodle found himself faced with this very problem every time he had dinner at their grandparents house.
Not wanting to leave dinner hungry, the original poster (OP) came up with a solution he thought was reasonable.
Unfortunately, their plan ended up angering their grandmother.
Concerned they may have been rude, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for bringing ‘back up’ vegan food to the family function?”
The OP explained why they upset their grandmother at a recent family dinner she prepared:
“I brought my own packaged vegan food to a family get together at my grandma’s house.”
“She does try to make sure there are vegan options for me, but sometimes she misses the mark.”
“Example: salad with non-vegan dressing and fried potatoes.”
“So that day I only ate fried potatos.”
“The food was only a ‘back up’ in case that happened again.”
“She was pretty mad when she saw i had brought it, i tried to explain but she said it was rude and that she always makes sure I have enough to eat.”
“She tries to make sure, but it doesn’t always work out.”
“In the past I have offered to cook some vegan dishes together.”
“She said no one is allowed in the kitchen with her.”
“I don’t know how else to deal with this, was what I did really rude?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for bringing their own vegan food to their grandmother’s house.
Everyone agreed that since the OP’s grandmother has been frequently made aware of their vegan diet and continued to ignore it, it was more than reasonable for the OP to make sure there would be food he could eat that he brought himself:
“I’m an older person (66 F[emale]) so I feel that I can say this.”
“A lot of older people don’t get it.”
“They don’t want to get it.”
“They want things to be exactly how they want them to be.”
“Their picture perfect holiday table.”
“I’m not vegan.”
“Not even vegetarian though I don’t eat much meat anymore.”
“However I would not feel the least bit offended if someone brought their own food based on their dietary choices, religious dictates or personal health needs.”
“I want my guests to be happy and comfortable.”
“That’s just me.”
“So, NTA, but maybe avoid the holiday meal time and show up for after dinner festivities if that’s possible.”- RealLuxTempo
“NTA.”
“I have allergies and sometimes people forget or only make sure one food item like a dessert is safe for me.”
“I need to eat more that just dessert for a meal so sometimes I bring a back up of food.”
“I think it’s a normal thing to do if you are vegan or have allergies.”- Ghosty1028
“NTA.”
“I’m vegan as well, as it’s lovely when people cater for you.”
“However there are a lot of things that aren’t vegan which non-vegans wouldn’t realize and make understandable assumptions about.”
“You mentioned she has tried and made honest mistakes previously.”
“This wasn’t a malicious move to shove in her face that she isn’t inclusive of you, but to ensure you were catered for, just in case.”
“Your grandma clearly takes pride in her hospitality and feels undermined, even though you don’t intend it.”
“Going forward is it possible for her to let you know what vegan options there are going to be?”
“You’ve said she won’t let you join cooking to help, but maybe she’ll allow you to make suggestions?”- eternal_entropy
“NTA.”
“If experience has proven that you aren’t always able to eat the food at a function, you’re well within your right to bring some food for yourself as a backup.”
“If your grandma takes it personally, ask her if you can explain why this dietary choice is so important to you so she understands that it’s nothing to do with her.”
“Side note: my wife and BiL are vegan and lucky for them I’m a professional cook so they never have to worry about cross-contamination with me lol.”
“I commend your grandma for trying.”- Jagasaur
“NTA.”
“You have a specific diet, and it hasn’t always been abided by.”
“Since she said ‘no one is allowed in the kitchen with her’, it isn’t about the type of food, it’s about grandma controlling the food in her place.”
“Getting upset at someone bringing food when food is supposed to be provided is not surprising, but she didn’t want to listen to the reasoning or make a compromise.”
“I’d continue to bring back up food, but keep it in the car until you need it.”- laztheinfamous
“NTA.”
“I have close friends in my life with either anaphylactic food allergies or food intolerances that will make them sick.”
“When they come over for dinner or parties you better believe I go out of my way to make sure there is vegan/vegetarian/gluten free food/whatever they can safely consume.”
“Whatever they need I will as host make sure to provide.”
“I 100% do the same if someone who’s vegan or vegetarian by choice comes over.”
“And honestly as someone with a weird food allergy myself I don’t bat an eyelash when folks ask if they can bring something to cater to their dietary needs.”
“Grandma’s more likely embarrassed she can’t get it right or possibly that she just doesn’t know what to make.”
“You said she won’t let you cook but can you suggest recipes?”
“Maybe Grandma just needs some guidance.”
“I like Hanson’s Razor for handling situations like this—’Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity’.”
“Or in this case ignorance.”
“I follow this until someone proves they’re not ignorant or stupid.”- TheMposter
“NTA, if you’re vegan you will get flack for either asking for vegan food to be made for you OR bringing your own vegan food because it wasn’t made for you.”
“It’s like you’re damned if you do or don’t.”
“I’m not even a vegan and it gives me a headache!”
“Bring your food.”
“If they want you to eat what they make, it would have to be vegan.”
“If that is something they cant/won’t take on for whatever reason, then yeah I think you reserve the right to bring your own.”
“I have had to do this when I was going through the FODMAP diet.”- vanillablue_
“NTA.”
“If she was really trying her best to accommodate you, you wouldn’t be eating one singular side.”
“It’s wild she doesn’t want help in the kitchen and won’t cook more for you when she says she will.”
“Grandma might not like that you’re vegan and this is her way of subtly putting you down.”
“I’d bring my own food too or just avoid these dinners if this is how she wants to act.”
“Unfortunately I think no matter what you do she’ll find a way to say you’re not behaving in a way she wants you to.”- maryjanerain
“NTA.”
“Sounds like Grandma’s pride has been wounded.”
“I’m not vegan and certainly don’t think I’ve ever made a meal that could be considered vegan.”
“But what I can do is follow a recipe and would be happy to if I was hosting someone who was.”
“I also would not be offended if they brought something of their own if they had concerns.”
“I have a granddaughter who occasionally gets tired of eating meat and will go vegetarian for several months.”
“I always make sure that when she’s with me that she has food to eat that she’s happy with.”
“I think it’s time to have a serious conversation with Grandma and explain how much you appreciate her trying to accommodate you but how she is missing the mark.”- ugh_idfk
It would be one thing if the OP brought their own food simply because they didn’t like their grandmother’s cooking.
Seeing as his grandmother, intentionally or not, continued to ignore the OP’s dietary restrictions, the OP seemed to do the most logical thing by bringing their own food.
Perhaps if the OP’s grandmother weren’t so protective of her kitchen and let the OP join her in there from time to time, they might be able to come up with menu options that might please them both.