There are many different meanings to "home."
Indeed, the place we consider "home" might change from where we were raised and where we grew up to where we currently live and put down roots.
Ultimately, though, the universal idea of home is somewhere we feel safe, protected, and loved.
If we don't feel any of those things, it's hard to consider such a place to be actually "home."
Redditor Tasty_Dog6028 was still living with her parents in her family home.
While the original poster (OP)'s parents did love and support her, they were also concerned about her future.
Eventually leading to the OP's mother taking drastic measures, which in turn led the OP to "run away" from home.
Having doubts as to whether or not she did the right thing, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA running away from home and not responding to my mum after she threw out my prescription?"
The OP explained why she felt she had no other choice but to "run away" from home:
"I am a 24 F[emale] that was currently living at home with both of my parents."
"I suffer from depression and anxiety and don't really have a good social life as I am scared to leave the house ( I have a lot of trauma)."
"I hold down an online marketing job, and I provide money for bills and food."
"Over the past few months, my parents have been becoming progressively more worried about me."
"Saying things like 'if you don't get over this, you won't have a good life, you won't have family' and 'you need to push yourself out of your comfort zone'."
"However, in the last few weeks, after my mum talked to her opinionated friends, they believe that my medication is 'numbing me,' and it is the reason for all this."
"She had been trying to get me to stop for the last 2 weeks before this happened."
"Two days ago, I got home after seeing my only bestie, and was getting ready for bed, and couldn't find my medication."
"I asked mum is she had seen it around and she stated that 'it wasn't good for me and I threw it out'."
"I immediately started panicking, rummaged through the garbage, but it was nowhere."
"When my parents went to bed, I got a backpack of my things called my bestie, and for now, with her permission, I am living there."
"My parents have been spam ringing me for the last 2 days, but I want nothing to do with them."
"They pushed their values onto me and now I have to go to the doctor again to get the medicine I need to function, due to this I am behind work and am filled with anxiety."
"Am I the a**hole for not responding?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for leaving home and cutting their mother off.
Everyone agreed that the OP was not running away from home, but rather leaving a dangerous and unhealthy situation, something both her parents needed to realize if they wanted her to return home:
"NTA."
"That was a terrible thing your mom did, and it's a good sign it's not safe for you to stay there."
"Also, you're a grown-up. it's not running away as much as it is moving out."- dryadduinath
"Apart from anything else, anxiety meds are absolutely not supposed to be gone off cold turkey; your mother is very much setting you up for a medical emergency by doing that."
"NTA."- Gingereej1t
"Absolutely NTA."
"Anyone who has ever transitioned from one antidepressant to another knows that going cold turkey can cause a huge amount of debilitating problems."
"Imagine it wasn't your mom and someone you didn't know took your meds?"
"Doesn't matter what they did with them."
"That's called theft."
"Ultimately, you can decide how far you want to take it, but your parents are not allies."- Subspace1011
"NTA."
"If they touch your medication, I lose all sympathy."
"That's abuse even if it's from some ignorant idea that medication is 'bad' which has been a myth since I was a kid."
"You've got to get out of there."
"You already said you pay the bills and food, so I'm sure you could make it work at some cheap little place, or rooming with a friend."- wasteoftimewarrior
"NTA."
"You need to protect yourself."
"If that means cutting ties with them (even temporarily) then that's what you should do."
"Good luck, OP."- SandrineSmiles
"NTA."
"Your parents did you no favors."
"Find someplace new to live and don't return."- Individual_Ad_9213
"NTA."
"Turn off tracking on your phone."
"Report the theft to your doctor and the other proper authorities."- lavasca
"NTA."
"Depending on your country, call the non-emergency police hotline or go to a police station (preferably with someone you trust) and inform them that you left of your own free will and are safe, in case they try to declare you a missing person."- felifornow
"NTA."
"Never go back."
"You are an adult, and your choices are yours to make."
"They can provide input but not make choices for you without your consent."- Disposable_Eel_6320
"Obviously NTA."
"Often pharmacists will dispense a small amount of medication for emergencies like this."
"Please try that to prevent any withdrawal symptoms."- Milky-Way-Occupant
"Report them."
"They stole your property, and it may be even more serious because it is a prescription drug."
"NTA."- SophiaIsabella4
"NTA."
"They said themselves that you needed to get out of the house."- NeitherStory7803
"NTA."
"I think it will be good for your mental health to gain some distance from your parents, not saying go no contact but maybe get your own place."- Enough_Basis_8935
"NTA."
"Your parents/mother are reckless and dangerous for your health."
"Some antidepressants need to be weaned off slowly, or you risk serious side effects or worsening of your symptoms."
"I'd message paraphrasing this and then block them."
"Talk to your doctor and explain the situation, I'm sure they'll be able to prescribe your medication early."- HandmaidJam
"NTA."
"Throwing your meds out is crossing a line, and that really sucks."
"To try and find something good out of this, it looks like you are stronger than you thought."
"Leaving like that was the right thing to do; that doesn't mean it wasn't hard and scary, but you did it anyway!"
"Good job and good luck."- BlueRayman
"NTA."
"Also that's a crime, not to mention a gigantic breach of trust."- BlackFenrir
"NTA, not in any way."
"Since patents have rights regarding their underage children and can require them to remain in their home until adulthood, children and teens under age 18 are considered runaways and often can be required to return home."
"As an adult, your parents have no legal rights regarding any kind of control or power in your life except what you choose to give them (which can also be withdrawn at any time), and you can freely leave whenever and however you choose."
"You are free."
"My suggestion is to set it so their calls go directly to voice mail in case they escalate and you need evidence to support something like a restraining order (confirm the size of your voicemail in terms of how many can be saved at one time and move messages to alternative storage as needed) but otherwise there is no need to subject yourself to anything they say or any other demands."
"Just in this short post, from the events that occurred and how you describe them they make me feel highly on edge and that any time in their presence cannot be guaranteed to be safe."
"Some bridges need burning down once you get to the other side."
"Also, I would encourage you to either go to the local police department or call their non emergency line and ask if they take reports for and pursue medication theft within the home (this sounds obvious like they must but the city where I currently live refuses and refused even when a paid in home aide I had due to my disabilities stole all but a few of my prescription pain medication)."
"If they do, lease seriously consider reporting your mom for theft or the destruction of your property or however they will accept a report for it."
"And please reach out to your medical provider and let them know what happened, insurance may cover an early refill at no extra charge above your standard copay if you have one as long as it's not a controlled medication, but many/most will require a police report."
"I am so sorry you have been treated this way for so long and that your very real and legitimate mental health struggles have been minimized and invalidated by those who should be most supportive."- one_sock_wonder_
As her parents had made their house an unsafe place for the OP to remain, it was clear that she could no longer call it home.
Hopefully, her roommate will create a safe environment she can call home for a short while.
Until she lands on her feet to create a home of her own.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp