Sometimes driving from work to home and back can feel like a scene out of “Mad Max: Thunderdome.
People throw caution to the wind and pray for survival.
So many accidents happen every day.
And accidents, new cars, and insurance are EXPENSIVE!
This can be a big bone of contention with families.
Redditor ViolinistMountain246 wanted to discuss their experience and get feedback, so they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for not buying my stepdaughter a new car after she’s repeatedly gotten into accidents?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My stepdaughter is not a good driver.”
“She was not a good driver when she was a teen, and certainly not as an adult.”
“When she was first learning to drive, she did very fast, hard brakes, she repeatedly left her car’s lights on, or left her car unlocked.”
“When she first got her permit at 16, we gave her two rules.”
“We would help buy her first car, but she’d be on her own for car insurance, gas, and upkeep.”
“If she wanted a car, she needed to be the sole caretaker of it, and it was on her to ensure she was taking good care of it.”
“Her brothers had the same rules.”
“3 months into her being 17, she got in her first accident.”
“It was her first time driving on the ice, and she slid.”
“Her car hit another car.”
“It was not a serious accident, but it caused roughly 1k in damages.”
“Her car drove for another 2 months, but the transmission went out eventually.”
“She bought it at 160-ishk miles, so none of us were surprised it didn’t last very long.”
“When she was 19, she was in another car accident.”
“While on the highway, a semi-truck tried to merge while riding next to her, she sped up, and during it, another car tried to merge right as she sped up.”
“The car was totaled.”
“Outside of whiplash and minor wrist injuries, she was okay.”
“Because of this accident, we made her get her own insurance because our payment went up.”
“Three weeks ago, she was involved in another accident.”
“Again on the highway, she was passing an on ramp and a car coming on hydroplaned and lost control of a ladder in the back of its pickup truck.”
“It again totaled her car: it could not leave the scene, and we had to get her to bring her back to her college.”
“The other driver broke his collarbone, and she has whiplash, a shoulder injury, and some facial damage that should heal in the next bit.”
“The police officer told her that it was not her fault, but obviously, we have to wait for the insurance to make that call.”
“Once she got home from the ER, she asked us to help her purchase a new car.”
“She said that it’s not practical for her to constantly walk everywhere until she can afford a new car.”
“She makes $21 an hour as a C[ertified] M[edical] A[ssistant] at a nursing home, so it won’t take her long to buy a cheap car.”
“From her apartment, she is about 1.5 miles from college, a quarter mile from a grocery store, and 4 miles from her job.”
“I think for the time being, she can walk, ask for rides from friends, or use an app.”
“We don’t have public transportation, but there are lots of sidewalks.”
“She can walk the entirety from her apartment to class, most to a store, and on and off from her job.”
“My husband wants us to purchase a new car and have her pay us back.”
“I don’t think this is the right move.”
“To date, the only time we have ever helped buy a car is when they all started driving, and we only paid half.”
“She only saved 2k for her first car, so we only gave 4k for a new car.”
“One of her brothers saved up 10k, so we gave 10k.”
“I think if we start doing this now, we will walk down a very expensive path.”
“I have gotten mixed reactions from others.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Thoughts? Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“I don’t think it’s an a-hole move to lend her the money, and she can pay y’all back, if you can afford it.”
“This is where I think YTA – reading through her list of accidents, they all seem like that, genuine accidents.”
“Completely unrelated to her being a bad driver or leaving the lights on in her car.”
“Which I was surprised about because the start of your post makes her seem like a terrible driver who’s at fault for her crashes… yet not even Lewis Hamilton could avoid someone aquaplaning into him out of nowhere.” ~ SlappySlapsticker
“Hey, this is like my stepmother, who always said I was out partying and such a troublemaker when I simply was at my grandma’s studying for school or napping from doing work full time and school full time, and grandma lived 15 minutes closer to everything I was doing.”
“Stepmom, YTA.”
“Other than being a little careless, like leaving lights on and such, most of the accidents were not her fault, with some vague minor parts being slightly her fault but likely to happen to anybody (including you).”
“Get off your high horse and treat your stepdaughter better.” ~ Ambitious_Pea6843
“Agreed, the girl has some bad luck.”
“Get her a newer used car with ALL the safety features, because she is a magnet for accidents, but not her fault.”
“Also, have her take defensive driving online or something, or at least teach her to be wary of on-ramps.”
“Like when you see cars entering the highway, maybe get out of the closest lane early to give them room and avoid being squashed.”
“YTA – insurance doesn’t make the call, the police do.” ~ Traditional_Taro8156
“You sound kinda bitter towards your stepdaughter.”
“Like you don’t have to buy her a new car because insurance probably will, but sheesh, cut the girl some slack, these are easy mistakes, and she sounds like a good kid.” ~ swoopingturtle
“YTA… are you sure you even like her?”
“I’m all for loaning her the money as a reasonable compromise.”
“But you seem really determined to make her walk for something that wasn’t her fault.” ~ RegretOk194
“YTA. I was in a car accident with ‘minor’ injuries; I still felt like hell & it was months before I felt up to serious physical activity.”
“You expect her to be walking all over, carrying books, and computer, and whatever else while her body heals?”
“What’s the weather like where you are right now?”
“If she’s working and going to school, will she be out before sunrise/after sunset?”
“Does she have to walk through any unsafe areas?”
“She seems like she’s trying really hard to get a good start in life and had some bad luck that wasn’t her fault; why not loan her extra for a down payment on a better car?” ~ Zombie-MountedArcher
“Wow, just shows how much you despise her.”
“A learning driver did fast breaks, and that’s the excuse you’re using.”
“All the other stuff is another driver’s fault.”
“Dad wants to help his daughter, who apparently has gotten quite a few injuries, and all you’re saying is: nuhuh. YTA.” ~ issy_haatin
“YTA. The first thing you do is make sure we know she’s a ‘bad’ driver, and your examples of her driving skills are that she braked too hard when she first started to drive, left her lights on, and the car was unlocked.”
“That’s careless, but nothing to do with her driving.”
“And has had three accidents, which sound like they’re not her fault.”
“It sounds like she’s a far better driver than one of her older brothers, who has clocked up four accidents!”
“She has offered to pay the money back, that’s not buying her a car, that is a loan.”
“You are refusing her a loan to get back on her feet after what must have been a frightening accident!”
“You’re rewarding your kids disproportionately.”
“You should be looking for equity, not equality.”
“A kid that works the moment they can get a job will earn more than one who goes to college, depending on the career they’re aiming for.”
“The one in college could spend years earning far less than the one who got a minimum wage job.”
“Neither of those choices is invalid, but you’re showing that it’s far more important to you for a kid to earn as quickly as possible than for them to continue their education.”
“Finally, what ‘choices’ would you like her to think about?”
“What has she chosen to do that seems to have disappointed you so much?”
“What are you hoping to get out of this?” ~ Entorien_Scriber
“YTA for one factor – giving one brother 10k towards his car, but she only got 2k.”
“How much have the other children got towards theirs?”
“Really, it should have been a set amount the same for all the kids, and whatever they saved on top, great, they’ve got a bigger budget.”
“In my eyes, you owe this girl 8k towards a car.”
“Yes, context is important; we don’t know what jobs the kids were working to save for those first cars, but you should treat them all equally.” ~ tattoo-tracks-97
“YTA a little bit.”
“Crashing into the ice after 3 months of experience is just something that’s a flat-out accident attributable to inexperience rather than any actual incompetence.”
“The other accidents you mentioned do not appear to be her fault.”
“She also seems reasonably industrious and not a scab.”
“Just lend her the money for a car.” ~ No_Control8031
“YTA. In my 12 years of driving, I have been in six accidents.”
“Only 1 of which was my fault.”
“Accidents happen.”
“That’s why they’re called accidents.”
“My family used to joke that I’d be better off driving a heavily armed tank than a car, with the number of accidents I got into.”
“Blaming her for someone aquaplaning into her or a lorry merging into her is, quite frankly, rude.”
“Yes, she’s inexperienced, but she’s not dangerous.” ~ NurseAbbers
“YTA. Why do you harp on her for things that aren’t really her fault?”
“Why didn’t you teach her how to drive on ice, or keep her home that day that she slid on it?”
“Why are you punishing her for having a freak accident with a f**king ladder?”
“She’s asking you for help, without a car, getting to work and school is going to be very difficult, especially after dealing with injury from an accident.”
“A lot of places with public transportation are not built to be kind to pedestrians, let alone places without it.”
“There’s always a lack of tree cover, or no awnings to be shielded from weather, and no places to sit and rest.”
“You aren’t buying her a new car, you’re loaning her the money to get a new car, and she’s gonna pay you back.”
“This is no different than you matching; the only difference is she doesn’t have the money at the moment.” ~ Bacoose
“YTA. I’m willing to bet this wouldn’t be an issue if she were your biological daughter.”
“Imagine equating leaving the lights on and accidents caused by OTHER people to permission for you to be a skinflint.”
“Your husband… her father… wants to LOAN her the money…and you want her to ‘save’ money by taking a ride-share service.” ~ Big_Bookkeeper1678
“Tell me you don’t like your stepkid without telling me. YTA.”
“She has a job.”
“3 not fault accidents since she was 16… are you kidding me?”
“Her last two she git hurt in, and your answer is walk to school because you are a bad driver?”
“Bitter much?”
“I would guess you didn’t get help with a car when you were her age, or you are being greedy with money.”
“She doesn’t sound like an irresponsible addict with no job… she has bad luck and maybe needs a defensive driving course.” ~ ToldU2UrFace
“After reading this twice and looking at the comments, I’m going YTA.”
“To me, it sounds like you don’t like your stepdaughter at all.”
“She’s not a bad driver.”
“These are normal accidents.”
“Walking doesn’t help much when it comes to the weather or having someone follow her back to her place.”
“Honestly, this whole thing reeks of you liking your stepsons over her.” ~ Bey_World_101
“You trust a greedy insurance company more than the cops, who said the accident wasn’t her fault?”
“Cops usually are a-holes towards younger folk.”
“The fact that they’re taking her side tells me that it really WASN’T her fault.”
“On top of that, you’re married to her father and still call her your step-daughter?”
“Really shows your true colors. If you’re not going to help with the car, then your husband will sign the papers.”
“Maybe he might also get some divorce papers.”
“Goes without saying this, but YTA.”
“That’s an understatement.”
“You infuriate me.”
“You’re horrible.”
“Those divorce papers from your husband are long overdue.” ~ ChocolateM1lk1e
“YTA. Sliding the first time driving on ice.”
“Not great, but it happens, and by all accounts, she learned from it and never had another accident on ice.”
“Merging accident might possibly have been avoided or mitigated by driving skill, but I would say most drivers would be hard pressed to deal with getting sandwiched between two vehicles just deciding to merge into you.”
“The third accident is definitely not her fault and could have hit one of her brothers just as easily.”
“Would you be this reluctant to help one of them if they couldn’t afford a replacement car?”
“Your argument suggests no, and that is BS.”
“I can understand the argument of being fair to all kids, but life isn’t fair.” ~ Kempeth
“YTA, in that these accidents weren’t really her fault, yet you call her a bad driver.”
“To me, you sound like a bitter stepmom who doesn’t like her stepkid and is resentful that her husband wants to help out his kid.”
“A lot of these accidents were not her fault, or rookie mistakes.” ~ M312345
“If they are all step-children as OP says, then while she certainly gets to have an opinion, it’s not her decision to make, it’s the father’s.”
“OP YTA.” ~ SybarisEphebos
“Someone’s ladder falling off their vehicle and wrecking her car is not her fault, nor is it her choice.”
“YTA here for not wanting to help.” ~ Morgil2
Reddit sounds a bit miffed with your thought process here, OP.
It does sound like your stepdaughter has had some bad luck with cars, but this last accident is clearly not her fault.
Maybe be focused and grateful on the fact that she is alive and well.
The other driver’s insurance will eventually cover the cost of the new car.
Maybe think about it a little more.
Good luck.