Our pasts are supposed to be our business.
Did that change?
Everyone seems to want to be in everyone’s business nowadays.
Who are we kidding…
That can lead to some hurtful discussions.
Case in point…
Redditor Fluffy_Dragonfly2851 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for never telling my husbands family the truth about my family history?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m an affair baby.”
“This is something I have always been pretty well aware of but it’s not something I tell a lot of people.”
“My mom was young when she met my father and she was unaware at the time of them meeting that he was married.”
“My mom found out the truth about him when his wife showed up one day and told my mother that she better leave town or else.”
“She found out about me less than a month later and told him.”
“This is when his entire family found out.”
“My mom ended up raising me on her own mostly.”
“He and his wife stayed together.”
“But there were times we met and was around his family.”
“Because they hated that he needed to pay child support and eventually, my mom had to agree to say no to child support in order to stop him taking me.”
“We then moved so I wouldn’t be subjected to the mistreatment.”
“My father’s children told everyone.”
“And I was in school with two of his nephew’s who spread the news around that I was an affair baby and that my father didn’t want me.”
“I knew I was hated.”
“My father’s children were never shy about the fact they hated me.”
“One of his daughters, when she was 17, told me she found me repulsive and that she hoped I would die from a really bad disease.”
“I haven’t seen or heard from any of these people in more than 20 years now.”
“I met my husband when I was in college and I did tell him.”
“He was always so kind about it and promised me nobody would treat me that way again.”
“He also respected that I didn’t want the news to go around.”
“His family were always nice to me and had asked questions before about why I only had my mom.”
“I told them I didn’t have much of a family and my father hadn’t wanted me.”
“They found out the truth in a way they never explained to me.”
“But a few days ago they confronted me about being an affair baby and how could I not tell them because it was ‘really fucking relevant.'”
“My husband asked them why, he said none of that was my fault.”
“They said it was not so simple as my father being a deadbeat and my mom being the wronged party in that.”
“My husband told them it was never any of their business.”
“They told me I was a liar and that I’m ashamed of what I am which is why I don’t tell people.”
“They said my character was questionable knowing what they now know and that lying is never the answer.”
“I feel so bad because my husband is supporting me and this has damaged the relationship with his family.”
“I also hate that this is the exact reaction I didn’t want.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“Why are they pinning it on you?”
“You’ve done nothing wrong, and for someone to judge you for it is very strange.”
“You didn’t tell them because you didn’t trust their reaction, and now that they found out they’re proving you right.”
“Tell them that all trust you had for them is spent. NTA.” ~ Sputtrosa
“Honey, your dad lied to your mom, and then stood back while his ‘real family’ terrorized you.”
“If your in-laws can’t have compassion for you and your mother, those aren’t the people you thought they were, nor are they worth your time.”
“You had no say in how you were conceived and your mom was young and got lied to.”
“Please shed any shame or ugly feelings you have about yourself.”
“Your father’s family has shamed you because blaming you (and prob your mom) was easier than turning their nastiness on the real source of the problems: your a**hole father.”
“If your in-laws say anything to you, shut them down by saying ‘obviously, you’re aware my conception was outside my control.'”
“‘What’s really relevant is how we treat those around us.’”
“I’d throw in a bible verse in there too, but I’m a Petty LaBelle and would bet $$ your in-laws consider themselves to be ‘good Christians’ so I’d go for the throat.”
“Seriously, you’re soooo NTA your in-laws are.”
“Drop them them and live your best life.” ~ saurons-cataract
“OP hold your head up High.”
“I am so proud of you for thriving through this maddening situation.”
“You kept it together AND manifested a good supportive adult partnership.”
“You should be so PROUD of you.”
“Keep on keeping on, this is background noise.”
“Crabs in a bucket. Keep on.”
“Respect to your Mother as well, from what you wrote.”
“One day, people who take intimacy from others, like your bio father, under falsehood or omission of truth, will be viewed for what they are.”
“Until then, focus on healing and loving and enjoying you.”
“You are already gone, don’t let anything drag you or hold you down.” ~ four315
“Oh, so it is ok for them to withhold really relevant information’ from you?”
“They don’t have to share absolutely everything, like how and why they came to be gossiping about your life?”
“But you are required to tell them everything — even deeply personal things that have no bearing on their own lives?”
“Fascinating! And by fascinating, I mean complete and utter hypocritical bull**it.”
“The circumstances of your conception and your childhood are no one’s business but yours, your mother’s, and anyone that YOU choose to share them with. NTA.” ~ sophiefair1
OP came back to chat…
“One thing I have learned from my life experiences of being an affair baby is there are many, many people who see someone like me as being dirty or tainted for being conceived the way we were.”
“I was born in the South and I found a lot of that where I was born.”
“It’s treated like an inherited part of who we will be as well and a lot of people are disgusted by us for that very reason.”
Reddit continued…
“My dad used to rant and wail about the decline of American due to welfare moms and infidelity.”
“Meanwhile he had 3 illegitimate daughters from different affair partners.”
“His wife liked to pretend I didn’t exist.”
“Which I guess I understand, but.. it wasn’t my fault.”
“And I do exist. Also in the south.” ~ badheatherno
“Gosh. It sounds like they want to stir dramas.”
“”Do they really understand what affair baby is?”
“You did do nothing wrong as a baby until adult, right?”
“So why is your husband’s family mad at you for what?”
“They’re really weird. I mean ummmm it’s your parent’s stories, not yours.”
“Nothing made senses. Anyway NTA.” ~ unicornasaurus-rex8
“NTA it’s no one’s business.”
“But I can tell you how these people found out.”
“Do you have social media or do any of them have social media?”
“Because more than likely either your dads wife or one of his children found you and messaged them.”
“This is revenge for something you didn’t do.”
“But they are determined to ruin your life.” ~ Lonely_Shelter_4744
“You Are NTA!!”
“Your mother was indeed A WRONGED woman!”
“She met a man who lied to her, and then did not stand by her or you when his lies became known.”
“No one has the right to expect you to speak about growing up knowing that you are hated and wished dead for something that was completely out of your control.”
“And your mother never tried to make into a reality.”
“It is not as though your mother knowingly tried to break up a marriage.”
“She trusted a liar and a cheater!”
“It is hideously wrong headed and wrong to blame a child for the actions of a parent.”
“I give full kudos to your husband for standing by you!”
“Being that you are in the Bible belt, I would point out that most Christians teach that when we marry we are supposed to step away from other relationships including familial relationships and cling to our spouse.”
“It is their prejudice that is causing the strain between your husband and his family.”
“It is absolutely completely and totally not your fault!
“I do recommend that if possible you seek counseling and therapy because I am sure you have a lot of emotional scars from your childhood.” ~ Betrayed_Orphan
OP… Reddit is on your side.
Don’t let these people tear you down.
You keep living your best life.