Man Berated By Cheating Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife For Dating Her Affair Partner's Wife

People can bond over shared experiences, good or bad. Sometimes those bonds turn to romance.

But if the only commonality is one experience, the relationship may not last. Still, it might be worth pursuing.

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A soon-to-be ex-husband turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback on his dating life.

Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—like this post. However there are no official voting acronyms and no final judgment given.

Semidarkcave asked:

"AITAH for dating the wife of my wife's affair partner?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"My wife (45, female) cheated on me (45, male) with a man. When I found out, I informed his wife Karen—actually her real name, believe it or not, she is very sweet though—and she threatened divorce."

"He got angry, and he started to attack her. She escaped to her neighbours and called the cops."

"He is in police custody and awaiting trial. Karen and I grew close after that."

"My wife and I made an attempt to fix our marriage, but I didn't put in much effort because I was finding myself getting close to Karen."

"My wife found out about our texts and gave me an ultimatum to stop texting her. I refused and formally asked Karen on a date."

"I am also in the process of divorce, and my wife is harassing Karen. Telling her I am only with her because she is manipulative. That she deserved to get attacked, etc..."

"My friends are saying that I should reconsider my relationship with Karen because it will create a lot of complications in my life."

"But I don't want to, I think it could be a real relationship for me."

"What do you guys think?"

Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was 

"Yeah, sometimes good things come from bad situations. You didn't go looking for this, but if it feels real, there's nothing wrong with seeing where it goes." ~ Dzreamy

"It's rare, but I love stories like this. It's fate."

"Your ex- and her ex (both seem like awful people, but a man who beats a woman is even a bigger piece of sh*t) Tell your ex to put her clown makeup on for two reasons."

"1st: She looks like a clown for complaining about a mess she started."

"2nd: It will work to disguise the bruises she will take from her great new choice."

"That being said, don't make it the center of your new relationship, no need to carry the trauma into the new space…" ~ Planetofthetakes

"You didn't start the mess your ex did if Karen brings you peace, and it's mutual. There's nothing wrong with finding comfort in each other after all that pain." ~ FayeLea

"It was about power for the ex-wife. She saw the a**hole as a 'real man' and felt powerful when she cheated with him and stole him from Karen.

"Now everybody knows he is a small insecure loser that hit his wife, so he is no longer a high status man. Karen and OP finding each other killed her chance of going back to OP until the next affair." ~ Trick-Independence58

"Toxic narcissists don't believe they ever do anything wrong. She wants a life with no consequences and is mad to find out there are some." ~ Trick_Sandwich_7208

"NTA. Get a good lawyer, they can argue the message 'she deserves to get beaten' is a threat and you and your partner need a restraining order on top of a divorce." ~ SockMaster9273

"NTA, but bonding over shared betrayal is a real thing, and it can come back to haunt you later in life. Enjoy the time with Karen, but don't commit completely for a few more years." ~ HasOneHere

"NTA. However, it is quite a messy situation. You should pump the brakes and not date her until you're done your divorce."

"Let the dust settle, and then you two can get to know each other. Right now, trauma is bringing you together."

"They always say the first relationship after a divorce doesn't make it cuz it's the rebound relationship and in this case it's major rebound."

"It's revenge and rebound all rolled into one. So slow it down, and don't be stupid." ~ NaturesVividPictures

"NTA This is not uncommon. Thank your wife for helping to match you with your soulmate. It's a beautiful how I met your mother moment." ~ WhatIsYourPronoun

"You know I'm kind of awed by this situation, it's musical chairs, but not the fun sort. You're fine, other than having a jerk for a wife, the other woman is fine, except for having a felon for a husband."

"And then there is you, forget the wife. She doesn't deserve your consideration. The other woman does, but only casually right now. She is in a bad spot at the moment, her husband is in jail, money might be an issue, she needs support."

"You're also in a bad place, bad wife, and you've got to be feeling a little inadequate. So what to do? Go slow, let the divorces play out, help her, if you must, but understand that when the dust settles, you both might be in different places."

"Especially, since you both were cheated on, why did that happen in your marriages? After that, you can really work on a long-term relationship with her or someone new." ~ One_Veterinarian3174

"Your wife broke the marriage first, and you're under no obligation to avoid someone who treated you with respect, especially when that connection grew out of shared trauma."

"Karen isn't the problem here; your wife's cheating, manipulation, and harassment are."

"As long as you and Karen are both consenting adults and healing together in a healthy way, you don't owe anyone else an apology." ~ SoftlySpirited

"Getting cheated on sucks. My husband had an affair with his assistant at work, and it practically put me in the ground. She wasn't married, but I never..."

"I know the type of responses that will be here, but after having spent some time in the Reddit infidelity forums, these types of relationships are rarely healthy."

"But you do you, and I truly hope you find peace and happiness." ~ WildMaineBlueberry87

"NTA. However, your friends have a point. Your ex is trash and deserves the karma."

"That said, you were literally trying to reconcile until she hit you with a dirty ultimatum. Then you turned around to date who she warned you about."

"So although her motives may be trash, she had a point. There was a reason for her to worried."

"So, I am not saying not to date Karen. In fact, it's the dreamy, romantic thing to do. However, this isn't a hallmark movie, and you displayed strong signs of codependency in your own story without realizing it."

"You really need to slow the hell down, take your time with this. Go super slow and consider some therapy for yourself. Be yourself and the man you can be for Karen, not her white knight who loses himself all over again." ~ Odd_Welcome7940

"My dad and his current wife were in the same position. His ex was having an affair with his now wife's husband. They cried on each others shoulder then married. They were together for over 30 years before her death." ~ Failed1962

"Your soon-to-be ex-wife cheated on you… hence you have nothing to answer for… do what you want. Trying to save a marriage when someone cheated is only possible if both really want it and that's doubtful based on the evidence presented in most cases." ~ PCenthusiast85

"Your wife was entertaining another man with her ankles in the air, bro. She gets no say ever again on how you run your love life."

"You and Karen becoming close is somewhat common due to the shared trauma of betrayal."

"Your marriage was cooked the moment your wife cheated so proceed with the divorce in clean conscience and enjoy your time with and getting to know Karen. You deserve it." ~ LincolnHawkHauling

"NTA, I mean, it will complicate your life, but you two deserve a chance at happiness after being with dickhead spouses, so give it a shot."

"Your wife sounds lovely (snark), she sounds jealous that you have a shot with someone while her affair partner is now facing abuse charges, and rightfully so." ~ Sparklingwine23

"I can speak from experience as the exact same thing, minus the beating and the cops' involvement, happened to me. Essentially my neighbor and I swapped wives."

"They're still together, but unfortunately, about two years afterward, my relationship ended with the other wife. Where it gets dicey, at least it did with us, is if you have kids. If there's no kids..."

"You like her, she likes you, you're both adults? Go at it. It will definitely make your divorce and hers a lot harder because you'll have to deal with the exes."

"Just make sure that it's not the situation at hand that you base your relationship on. Good luck." ~ Whole_thing_2121

"NTA. She cheated, and you're divorcing each other. If no children are involved, then go for it, but if either of you have kids, I'd say proceed very slowly. That's where things get complicated." ~ Srvntgrrl_789

There may be a long-term relationship here, but proceeding with caution is good advice.