Due to the cultural climate regarding trans issues, it can often feel like the behavior of every child is being watched under a microscope.
Everybody wants a child to grow up happy and safe.
Nobody wants a child to feel trapped or sad in their own existence.
These concerns have led to a lot of issues with adult conversations.
Redditor SpecificAnt3165 found themself in a personal dilemma regarding their relationships with their gay brother due to his reaction to their child’s behavior; so he turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
They asked:
“AITAH for telling my brother he doesn’t know everything just because he’s gay?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My daughter is in a phase where she plays a lot of make-believe.”
“She pretends to be characters from books we read together and shows/movies she watches.”
“Sometimes the characters are boys, and sometimes they are girls.”
“She gets really into her make-believe and wants to be addressed as the character she is pretending to be.”
“Today she decided she was a little boy from a TV show she likes.”
“She ran into the room while I was talking to my brother. I said, ‘There’s my daughter!'”
“She said, ‘I’m not your daughter! I’m a boy, and I don’t have any parents.'”
“I said I forgot and asked if I could have a hug anyway, which she graciously gave me.”
“After she left, my brother said my daughter was probably trans, and we should prepare to support her in that.”
“I said she’s just playing.”
“He said since he’s in the LGBTQ community, he would know better than me.”
“I said he might know more about being gay, but she’s my daughter, and I know her better.”
“She plays these kinds of games all the time.”
“He said that’s how it starts.”
“I said fine, if that ends up being true, I’ll support her.”
“But right now she’s just playing.”
“He kept arguing with me about how he knows better.”
“I told him he doesn’t know everything just because he’s gay.”
“He said I’m just like our dad. “
“I rolled my eyes at him, and he left.”
“I wasn’t trying to hurt his feelings, but he’s so dramatic.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the a**hole?”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
“NTA. And by the way, job well done with your child.”
“Encouraging imagination is great.” ~ Key-Firefighter-1855
“Absolutely!”
“I did all that when I was a kid, too.”
“My parents were amateur actors, and we’d make up scenes.”
“I was girls, boys, old crones, witches, dogs, cats, etc., the brother is being a prat.” ~ South_Hedgehog_7564
“NTA – he sounds exhausting.”
“I say this as a gay.” ~ jrm1102
“I say this as pan.”
“I’m exhausted just thinking about him.”
“He sounds like my husband’s youngest brother,’ Alan’ was obviously gay since birth.”
“His entire family knew before he did.”
“He always said he was ‘The girl my mother always wanted.’”
“’Alan’ is the Arbiter Of Gayness™️, according to him.”
“He knows all, sees all, no one knows more about Gay Anything than he does.”
“Except everyone, but I digress.”
“He is disgustingly arrogant, claims homophobia if anyone tells him he’s wrong about Anything Gay™️.”
“He corrected me about my own damn experiences and said it didn’t happen that way.”
“Except it did.”
“I was there and witnessed it.”
“He was not.”
“I didn’t even know him back when he was trying to tell me I was wrong about an event I went to, and he didn’t.”
“It’s so exhausting.”
“There’s a reason my husband and I don’t speak to him.”
“No matter what you say, he has a story to top it, and everything is a competition.”
“If OP’s bro is anything like ‘Alan, ‘then they have my deepest compassion and sympathy.”
“NTA, OP. You know your kid best.” ~ purrfunctory
“He’s being gender-norms-rigid and judgmental.”
“Which I’m sure he would strongly deny, but that’s what he’s doing, not sure if you can successfully point it out to him.”
“I was a tomboy girl as a child, I played being male characters, climbed trees, wanted to fish, and didn’t fit in with the girls around.”
“I am not trans.”
“Little boys can like kitchen sets and dolls without being gay.”
“Tell him to just wait until the kid figures themself out.” ~ jrosekonungrinn
“As another gay, I second this.”
“OP, your brother sounds like he wants to be the center of everyone’s attention.”
“He just wants to be seen as correct, regardless of the context.”
“Please understand that this attention-seeking characteristic has nothing to do with being gay.” ~ Pun_Intended1703
“I am a gay man.”
“OP’s daughter sounds probably less than 5 years old.”
“At that age, I pretended to be everything from a boy, a girl, Superhuman Samurai to Godzilla.”
“I can assure people that I wasn’t trans (trans-species) OP’s brother sounds like one of them who has made being gay their entire being.” ~ primordial_chaos_007
“I was always a boy when we played as kids.”
“Robin in Batman, Gomez Addams, Ben Casey.”
“I’m a 67-year-old woman, married to a man, I have 3 grown children, 4 grandchildren.”
“Playing army men, and cowboys and Indians, or cops and robbers, and then playing Barbies and baby dolls and beauty shop.”
“We did everything.”
“I’m not gay, I’m not trans. NTA.” ~ TheRealBabyPop
“NTA. My daughter is four, and she asked to be called Peter for a week because she likes Spider-Man.”
“She knows trans people exist bc her older sibling is nonbinary and uses any and all pronouns.”
“The next week, she wanted to be referred to as ‘Her Mermaid Princessness.'”
“Kids play make-believe.”
“I’d only think more of it if it were a recurring thing over a longer period of time.” ~ spookymommaro
“NTA- I’m gay, and he sounds EXHAUSTING to be around.”
“Never push an agenda on a child; if they are, they will tell you.” ~ Disastrous_Talk9214
“I’m gay, your daughter is just being a child.”
“Not everything is pathology. NTA.” ~ Ashamed_Quiet_6777
“Literally all kids, gay or straight, go through the phase of role-playing as fictional characters.”
“It can involve dressing up in costumes, repeating words and phrases iconic to the character, or even acting as the character! It’s universal!”
“I pretended to be King Kong, Shaggy, and Simba as a kid!”
“I am neither a giant 25-foot-tall gorilla nor a talking sapient lion nor an amateur hippie sleuth.” ~ Square-Challenge1758
“NTA-I’m the only gay man that knows everything.”
“How dare your brother try to usurp my position in the gay community. LOL.”
“In all seriousness… no one but your daughter knows who or what she’s going to be.”
“Trust me, she’ll let you know when she knows.”
“Until then, I would suggest your brother keep his comments to himself and let her be a kid.”
“The best gift I gave my nieces as their gay uncle was my love.”
“All three grew into exactly who they were supposed to be, and all three have made a proud uncle and now great uncle.”
“Your brother needs to chill.”
“He should sit back and enjoy watching your daughter grow up without casting the insecurities about his childhood on her.”
“You’re doing great, Dad!” ~ Accomplished-Many547
“My kid sometimes pretends he’s an octopus.”
“Doesn’t mean he is.”
“Your brother is an idiot.”
“A gay idiot, yes, but nonetheless. NTA.” ~ abritinthebay
“Trans dude here.”
“I’m not saying your kid is not trans, nor am I saying your kid is trans.”
“But, this make-believe era does not prove that your kid is trans.”
“Just because your brother is part of the LGBTQIA+ community doesn’t mean he knows everything about all members or what it’s like being trans.” ~ All4TheWookie88
“NTA. Gender play is totally normal in young children.”
“Just let her develop into whoever she will be.”
“Your brother is exhausting.” ~ Ignominious333
“NTA. I’m genderfluid, your brother sounds like an a**.”
“Kids play make-believe.”
“Could she grow up and decide she’s not a girl? Sure.
But right now she’s a kid exploring her imagination.”
“Sometimes, it’s just not that deep.” ~ YourLocalCryptid64
“One of our favorite games to play when we were kids was ‘Wild, Wild West.’”
“My brother and I would argue over who got to be James West (the cool one) and who had to be Artemis Gordon (the smart one).”
“I’m not gay.”
“Or trans. Or bi. Or pan.”
“Or anything other than a straight, vanilla woman.”
“We also used to pretend to be dogs, or cats, or foxes.”
“When we pretended to be horses, we’d hold a rope between our teeth.”
“The other one would run behind us while holding the ends and pretend they were riding.”
“’Giddy up!’ we’d say and flick the ‘reins.’”
“Neither of us grew up to be furries.”
“You’re NTA.”
“Kids pretend.”
“That’s 100% normal.”
“Adults reading ‘budding sexuality’ into innocent play is gross, and frankly, super f**king inappropriate.” ~ Pissedliberalgranny
“NTA when I was 8, I thought I was a pony jumped the broom in the front yard on all 4s in front of the neighbors and everything! “
“As an adult, I have zero desire to be a pony except for maybe wanting snacks all day.”
“Your brother needs a new therapist!” ~ Different-Idea-8203
“My daughter is a pink-wearing princess 75% of the time and an old man with a mustache the other 25%.”
“Your brother is exhausting.” ~ bunbunnnnn8
“NTA. Being LGBTQ+ doesn’t give you super knowledge.”
“If your daughter is trans, you can deal with it when she says it.”
“‘Till then, you’re doing the right thing!” ~ Proper_Fun_977
“NTA. Your brother must think all children are trans if that’s the case, as all children go through this behaviour, which is normal, which also helps their creativity and learning.” ~ Equivalent-Shake-77
Reddit is with you, OP.
And a lot of LGBTQIA+ Reddit users agree.
It also sounds like no matter what, your child has the right parent guiding them.
Good Luck.