It's safe to say that social media has its advantages and disadvantages.
For one thing, social media is a way to keep our nearest and dearest up to date with our lives much more quickly than a letter or even a phone call would.
On the other hand, people might find things out about you through social media that you'd rather not.
All because of one person's post.
The mother-in-law (MIL) of Redditor Unsure_6219 loved nothing more than to post pictures on Facebook.
Including pictures of the original poster (OP), which they did not always appreciate.
However, one recent post pushed the envelope too far for the OP, leading them to consider forbidding their MIL from ever posting pictures of them on Facebook ever again.
Concerned this might be unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit "Would I Be The A**hole" (WIBTA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"WIBTA? MIL creating AI photos of me."
The OP explained why a photo of them that their MIL posted on Facebook tipped them over the edge:
"My husband and I have been together for 5 years."
"My MIL has always been very into posting on Facebook (at least 1 post a day), she even used to post FOR my husband when he was a kid/teen."
"Very often, when we send her photos of ourselves, what we're doing, or anything noteworthy, they get posted on Facebook without our knowledge."
"Sometimes I'll go on Facebook and see photos I had no idea she had taken of us."
"She has around 2k followers but posts everything completely publicly anyway."
"It's always made me uncomfortable, but I never thought it was a problem before now."
"My husband and I have been busy with new jobs and haven't been able to make the trip to see his parents together since the Holidays (he's gone without me, but I have an odd work schedule)."
"Yesterday, I got a call from my parents asking if I had made the trip to see their family."
"Looking at Facebook, MIL had created an AI-generated photo of us watching a football game with them, all in matching Jerseys."
"This bothered my husband too and he offered to text his mom and ask her not to create anymore AI photos of us."
"I've always had a great relationship with MIL, and she's always been very kind and understanding, so neither of us expected her to take that poorly."
"She did."
"She told us we were ungrateful for her, that we have always hurt her feelings when we ask for no pictures, and that we (and especially me) are too sensitive and should just let her post what she wants."
"My husband is also uncomfortable with the way she is acting and draws the line at AI photos, but says we can deal with her normal posting habits."
"I thought I had a say before in what gets posted, but now I'm uncomfortable with the whole situation."
"Am I the a**hole if I start telling my MIL no to posting pictures of me? (Outside of family photos and reasonable things)"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP would not be the a**hole should she ban her MIL from posting pictures of her on Facebook.
Everyone agreed that not only was the OP's MIL invading her privacy, but also putting her safety at risk:
"NTA."
"She has an addiction to the attention on Facebook."
"Call her or meet up with her personally."
"No more photos sent to her."
"No more AI-generated content."
"Is she doesn't comply, weaken contact so she faces consequences for her actions."- Poison-Hot-Chocolate
"NTA."
"Ask her if she understands the concept of identity theft, consent, and spreading false information."
"Your privacy and identity are yours and yours alone, and this would be the hill I die on."-MissIncredulous
"NTA and you can report the photos."- cydril
"Your mother-in-law's manipulating your emotions to duck with your identity and identifiable characteristics."
"This can have implications for your personal information, privacy, financial security, and, if she gets malicious, your personal and professional reputation."
"Imagine her AI-ing you at a raging keg party, getting sloppy drunk in a negligee or some such."
"You are NTA."
"Your mother-in-law is absolutely crossing every kind of line that there is in terms of personal identity and privacy… all for likes and clicks on Facebook."
"For all you know, she is monetizing you right now, or is planning to monetize the family."
"You've got to ensure she never gets pictures of your kids."- Positive-Hat-7839
"NTA."
"It's your pictures made public for the world to see."
"Unless you don't mind (which you do), she has no business posting you to her social media."
"AI makes it even worse."- Pissed_With_A_Boner
"NTA."
"I would be tempted to out her AI slop to her followers."- Donutsmell
"NTA."
"She has no business posting photos of anyone who is uncomfortable with it."
"Certainly not posting them publicly."
"She also has no business taking photos of others unknowingly."
"Let alone manufacturing computer-generated images that don't reflect reality."- cheekmo_52
"NTA."
"Stop sending her pictures, stop allowing her to take pictures, period."
"Block her on your social media, of course."
"Perhaps you can contact a lawyer to see if they can provide you with a sort of 'cease and desist' letter to help her understand that you are serious."
"Your MIL has issues; she needs to step away from social media."- hadMcDofordinner
"NTA."
"I work in cybersecurity and vehemently against putting mine or any of my family in AI photos."-hoagie-pierogi
"NTA."
"My MIL is the same."
"THE CRINGY SH*T THAT WOMAN POSTS ON FB!"
"For our wedding, she asked to post pictures the photographer had made, we said yes of course, thinking she'd choose some of her and us… no she posted THE ENTIRE Album!"
"My family was so pissed, because they hadn't seen any of it, and she posted pictures OF THEM without their consent."
"We would send a photo to the groupchat of something we did, only for her to post it on our behalf, kids having a romantic weekend!'"
"A couple of years ago, we had a falling out; now she posts as if I don't exist."
"We go to a waterpark, FIL sits right next to me, husband and SIL are in the pool together, that woman made a story, her enjoying the sun, pan to my husband and SIL having fun, pan to my FIL - AND CUT!"
"Or she congratulated my husband's birthday with a wedding picture where she clearly cropped me out."
"Instead of taking one where he was alone to begin with."
"I honestly can't tell which is more annoying, the posting without permission or the passive-aggressive cropping out."
"I guess the weaponized posting on Facebook is what's actually annoying."- Responsible-Ad3015
"NTA."
"Report the posts and have them taken down."- CurlyGurl_Bee409
"NTA."
"Once someone shows you they operate outside the normal parameters - you have to assume from that moment on that they will continue to do so."
"So were I in your shoes, I would make the boundary no more posting images of you at all."-opine704
"NTA."
"You can report the posts to FB/Insta to get them taken down."- Dogmother123
"Nah, this is 100% something I would rip her a new one for and at the risk of no contact."
"NTA."- Lady_Fel001
"NTA."
"If you don't like Facebook then you can protest by deleting your account."
"At least then there is no link or annoying notifications. Generally, I find Facebook postings to be a cesspool of sh*t I disagree with."
"Why bother with those annoyances, they add nothing to life."- xoxoyoyo
"Absolutely NTA."
"This is weird behavior. For starters, children should NEVER be posted on public profiles."
"The world is a dark, evil place."
"Secondly, photo apps like that often store your photos and use them nefariously."
"This is not a personal preference; this is a safety and consent issue."
"Btw, your husband never should have asked if you wanted him to text his mother."
"He should have done it."
"That is placing the emotional burden on you and making you the scapegoat."- cantsleep_thoughts
"If I were in your situation, I'd lower or even cut off all contact."
"And as soon as kids are involved, she won't get to see them until my/our huidelines would be followed."
"NTA."
"This is a huge invasion of your privacy."
"Please don't take this lightly."- DynkoFromTheNorth
"NTA."
"AI sucks."- mathurprateek725
"NTA at all."
"It's pretty violating to create AI photos of a person without their consent, let alone post them."
"She is CREATING a representation of you that isn't real."
"Can you talk to her kindly to help her understand that?"
"It's one thing to post pics of you all the time without knowledge—still kinda violating, but I'd chalk it up to her just being excited and proud of her family and expressing it in a dumb way."
"But creating AI pics of you and presenting them as if they're real is essentially the same as making up stories about you."
"It's just a strange and icky thing to do."- lostmyoldscreenname
Some people want to use social media to gain attention and recognition.
Even so, they should only do so using pictures and videos of themselves, and not of anyone else.
If the OP's MIL doesn't consent to the request, AI-generated photos may be the only ones she gets of the OP and her son for quite some time.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp