We all want our kids to be happy.
The impulse is a noble one, but sometimes it can lead to difficult situations.
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) aitadaughterdaycare when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for wanting to pull my daughter out of her daycare because they made her miss recess?”
OP got right to the story at hand.
“My daughter (2) just got light up princess heels from a family member.”
“She loves these shoes and wants to wear them everywhere.”
“She wore them to daycare on Tuesday and when I picked my daughter up, she was wearing a pair of socks from the school instead of her shoes.”
“They asked me to send ‘acceptable’ shoes in her backpack if she wants to wear her heels.”
“When I got home, I checked the school’s dress code and there was absolutely nothing about shoes, except that kids have to be able to comfortably play in them.”
“My daughter is very comfortable in her heels (she wears them to the park, the grocery store, pretty much every time we leave the house and she never complains) so I didn’t think there was anything wrong with her wearing them to school.”
“She wore them again to school yesterday.”
“Shortly after I dropped her off, I got a call from her teacher saying I needed to drop off a new pair of shoes but I was already at work so I couldn’t get her a new pair.”
“When I picked her up, it was the same thing.”
“Her heels were in her backpack and she was wearing socks.”
“The teacher told me they couldn’t let her out for recess because of her shoes.”
“I was livid when I was told that she couldn’t play at recess because of her shoes.”
“First of all, she’s worn those shoes to the park so I know she can play in them.”
“Second, it’s not her fault that I couldn’t drop off a new pair of shoes so I don’t see why she has to be punished for it.”
“I want to pull her out of this daycare and find a better one but my husband is refusing because his kids (he has kids from a previous marriage) went there and they all love it.”
“I personally think they’re treating my daughter unfairly and that we should look for a better daycare.”
OP was left to wonder,
“AITA?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: YTA
Some laid blame at OP’s feet.
“YTA -“
“Send your kids with proper clothing to any daycare or school.”
“You were already told to send other shoes in her backpack to wear to recess. You deliberately did not.”
“You caused her to miss recess.”
“Daycares don’t want to be liable for a kid who falls and gets hurt in their heels because their parent refused to pack other shoes.”
“It’s okay if you want to watch her as she is at a park, but keep in mind that you are only watching her and any other child in your family, while the staff at the daycare has to watch over many other children at once.”
“And don’t have an adult to every child.”
“The heels become a liability then, and no place in charge of a child’s welfare wants the risk of an added liability.”
“EDIT: It’s also just improper footwear.”
“Heels are not playshoes and should not be used as them long-term.”
“Little kids grow out of shoes so fast, and hers are rapidly growing confined in heels?”
“That is not good for foot development.”
“EDIT 2:”
“Those aren’t even SHOES. Those are TOYS.”
“You know, dress-up, make-believe, not something she should wear and play in and walk in for hours. Those have no support for her feet!” ~ CrimsonKnight_004
“Exactly.”
“This is a 2yo toddler.”
“These ‘shoes’ look like an accident waiting to happen when playing.”
“OP also gives me the vibe that they would 100% sue if their kid hurt themselves on the playground while wearing said heels.”
“Lastly, how often do parents try to send their toddlers to daycare wearing heels in the place of flat shoes?”
“I imagine it isn’t in the handbook because this isn’t something that comes up often (if at all).” ~ Electrical-Date-3951
Others were more encouraging – though not for OP’s sake.
“YTA but by all means change her daycare. I’m sure the employees will be glad to see you go.” ~ Bunnyprincess34
“Ooo, yes.”
“And with the shortage of daycares (a lot closed permanently during Covid) and the shortage of staff (same wage issues everyone else has).”
“She can be on a Waiting list for a year, and that’s if they don’t kick her off the list when they call her last daycare to find out what kind of parent she is.”
“Screw yourself over, by all means! Make things immensely difficult over plastic heels.” ~ StrangledInMoonlight
Commenters were concerned for the kid’s feet.
“This is the part that has me cringing for the development of the daughter’s feet and all the potential problems she could face down the road.”
“This poor kid.” ~ rabidturbofox
“You’re supposed to be able to flex your toes in little kid shoes.”
“These shoes definitely can’t.”
“My kid’s a boy so no one even remotely attempts this stuff with him, but I’m just gobsmacked.”
“The heels stuff is annoying enough as a grown adult woman and I had no idea people were starting it with toddlers” ~ CoffeeSpoons123
“OP edited in a link for the shoes and I am flabbergasted that she thinks they’re appropriate everyday footwear.”
“Heels change our entire posture.”
“They alter the angle of our ankles, knees, hips, and spine.”
“Those shoes are for PLAY ONLY.” ~ DragonCelica
There were also personal stories.
“Yeah, I wouldn’t recommend letting a kid wear heels at this age.”
“While I didn’t really wear heels, I did walk on my toes (I dunno why) and the tendons in my legs didn’t properly stretch because of it.”
“It sucked and caused a lot of problems, and I’ve had to have surgery to lengthen them.”
“It could be harmless sure, but I wouldn’t risk it. There’s lots of cool princess sneakers that would be better, she has the rest of her life to wear heels.” ~ HCO2000
“I toe-walked too, but got trained out of it when I started taking diving lessons. It also gave me tendonitis so bad that I had to be in a walking cast for several months.” ~ ScroochDown
“I was a runway model, so very accustomed to absurdly high heels. I still managed to tear a tendon in 1.5 inch boots. Nothing beats supportive sneakers.”
“And yes, heels not only mess up your feet, but you knees, hips, and spine.”
“I encourage anyone to wear heels sparingly, let alone a toddler who’s still growing!” ~ SomebodyFeedRiss
Commenters were confused as to why OP was upset.
“YTA.”
“I can’t imagine a parent being this upset over a daycare looking out for the safety of their child.”
“If your daughter had been allowed to wear the heels and she had broken a leg or foot you’d be furious that they allowed her out to play with them on.”
“But because she wasn’t allowed to wear them or go to recess you think she’s being treated unfairly?”
“Apparently you have some really messed up priorities.” ~ DRTHMLL13
“Hold up.”
“So you don’t see how high heels may be a safety issue at a school?”
“Even if it is just a few inches it can be dangerous.”
“Also kudos on your kid for apparently being able to run around in high heels. It is a skill I have yet to master.”
“YTA.” ~ lianavan
Safety comes first.
“Hi, daycare teacher here.”
“YTA.”
“I would also not let a child outside to play in those shoes.”
“As daycare/preschool teachers, we have a responsibility to keep your child safe, and those shoes are not safe.”
“If she wears them on the playground with you and gets hurt, that’s one thing.”
“If she wears them to daycare and gets hurt, the daycare could be held responsible.”
“She loves to wear them and doesn’t want to wear anything else?”
“Well, too bad, you’re her parent.”
“Be a parent.”
“Tell her she needs proper shoes for school, or at least pack them in her bag.”
“You were already told by the teachers to bring proper shoes, you have no one to blame but yourself for her missing outside time” ~ windrider445
OP did return with an image of the footwear in question.
“Edit: these are the shoes shoes”
Happiness is important, but not mandatory.
Safety, meanwhile, is essential.
While we want our children to be happy, it is not always possible to satisfy their desires, and their needs.
In those situations, it is imperative that we, as guardians, do our duty and protect the kids.
Even when they think otherwise.