Plans are important.
For many, plans give a sense of order to an otherwise chaotic universe.
Planning can go too far though, like deciding on your favorite part of the movie before you’ve even seen it.
So, what happens when someone tries to use their distant future plans as a means of controlling your current situation?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Hot_Increase6223 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
“AITA? Pregnant and husbands single sister takes dibs on baby names”
Exciting News!
“Just had my gender reveal – we are so excited that it’s a girl!”
Then, immediately, the problem.
“Immediately afterwards, my husband(24 y/o)’s twin sister, whose a committed virgin till marriage and not dating/barely ever dated, sat me down to let me know what girl names she has “reserved” for her future children.”
“Emphasizing I can’t use any one of them.”
“it was quite a lengthy list and mostly family names (which I was also hoping to use)…”
“I told her she was out of line given I am the pregnant one with the impending girl and should be able to choose the name freely.”
OP was left to wonder,
“AITA?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Asking for too much.
“NTA.”
“If she had 1 name that she’s always wanted to name her baby and nicely asked you to not pick that one, it’d be one thing. But she’s literally trying to give you a list of ‘reserved’ names?”
“Ridiculous.” ~ KaraAuden
“Yeah, my sister has ‘soft reserved’ the name Iris as a future baby name since we were teenagers, haha.”
“If I ever have a daughter before her I wouldn’t swipe that name, it’d just be a dick move. This is on another level though.” ~ cornibot
“Exactly.”
“If I had a friend or family member who had an important favourite name, I wouldn’t even WANT to pick that one. It would feel needlessly petty.”
“Also, OP’s sister-in-law will presumably have a partner if she’ll become a mother.”
“They might also have opinions. Hell, they might even hate every name on this list of ‘reserved’ names.” ~ Soft_Satanist
“1 name- completely ok 2 names- pushing it but not a huge stress.”
“3 names- not going to pick any out of spite but you’ll be ignored”
“4 or more – f*ck off” ~ The-Box_King
Our community shared their own stories.
“I’m an aunt.”
“I expected (and had) absolutely no say in the naming of any of my three siblings.”
“I saw my role as saying ‘oh, that sounds lovely’ when any possible names were mentioned to me, regardless of what I actually thought of the name – with one minor exception; I did allow myself one comment, on one name.”
“For purposes of this comment, let’s say our surname is North (it’s not).”
” My SIL mentioned a first name that ended with the same letter as the first letter of our surname – imagine it was Kevin.”
“I started by saying that the name was lovely, then gently pointed out that Kevin ends with an N, and North begins with an N, and it would cause confusion for the rest of the kid’s life.”
“– People would hear ‘Kevin Orth’, and ‘Kevi North’ – and the kid would have to do what my college roommate always did and put an awkward, annoying pause between his first and last names, every single time he said them together, in order for people to hear it all correctly.”
“She said she hadn’t thought of that, and thanked me for pointing it out.”
“To be fair, my brother and/or SIL are not the type to give their kids bizarre (or ‘uniquely’ spelled) names, so that was never going to be an issue. And thank goodness for that!”
“But OP’s SIL is bonkers.”
“She could maybe have skated by with a request like this if it had involved one or two names and they had significant sentimental meaning to her, but several names?”
“Nope, that’s ridiculous. Even if she’s planning to be the next Michelle Duggar and birth a whole regiment of children, she still doesn’t get to rule a bunch of names off-limits to anyone else.” ~ GothicGingerbread
“1. love your username! Brilliant”
“Ok, so I am about to be an aunt and my brother (with his partner’s approval – because it’s obviously their baby, not mine!) was asking me if I had any name suggestions for a boy.”
“They’ve already chosen a girl’s name (Anya) and knew that they wanted to use our grandfather’s name as a middle name for a boy.”
“My SIL is Indian and we are half English, half Australian living in Aus.”
“Because they were using Thomas as the middle name, they wanted a more traditionally Indian first name as the baby will be both cultures.”
“My brother and I are very close and he asked for name suggestions.”
“I suggested 3 which he really liked 2 of them. His partner did as well. So that’s the two names they will decide between*”
“*My brother doesn’t know they are having a boy!!! But my SIL told me!”
“I would NEVER tell anyone, let alone someone who was expecting, a LIST of names they couldn’t use.”
“I do not plan on having children for a multitude of reasons, but if I was I wouldn’t tell people what they could or couldn’t do!!”
“I would understand if she sat you down IF she was expecting and had a name chosen and then you wanted to use it. But this sh*t?”
“Nope.”
“NOT the a**hole! And congratulations!!” ~ PropagandaPidgeon
“Yes exactly.”
“My hubby had a work colleague who he used to hang out a bit with.”
“This guy was married with no kids at that stage.”
“I had met him a few times but hadn’t met his wife yet.”
“The workmate was around at our place one weekend afternoon, his wife came to pick him up.”
“She came inside our house where we were introduced, I then introduced her to our 10 week old baby.”
“When I told her his name she glared at me and stalked out of the house. Hubby’s mate followed her out, there was a bit of yelling, then he came back inside and said”
‘”Wife wants you to change your babies name, that’s the name she wants for our first born.'”
“Our babies name isn’t rare or unusual.”
“It’s quite common.”
“Poor wee soul is quite delusional I’m afraid….and in for a LOT of disappointment when she realises that two other people in hubby’s work place have kids of that name lol.” ~ wickeddradon
The limited power of Dibs.
“Nta, she can’t call dibs on names.” ~ Happyfun0160
“The very concept of calling ‘dibs’ on baby names may be the dumbest thing I’ve read about on the internet today, and that’s saying something.”
“Doing it under the circumstances described here is double so.”
“NTA a thousand times over.” ~ headdeskreact
“Yeah I feel like mayyyybe you can dibs one name.”
“I have one secret name that I’d be devastated if a close family member used and I could see in some families that had more than one family member procreating at the same time, letting your sibling know.”
“And IMO everyone has equal claim to family names – if there are two cousins both named Agatha, so be it.” ~ nachtkaese
“What the f*ck???”
“She thinks she gets to call dibs on everyone in the world using that name?”
“The f*cking audacity of people.”
‘“Sorry honey, we gotta change the baby’s name. My coworker’s wife we just met wants to use it and somehow thinks that means she can’t anymore. Our hands are tied. Guess we gotta head down to court.”’
“I’m just blown away by this one. Wow.” ~ EmiliusReturns
Compromise?
“ESH Why can’t you just let her put dibs on 2 or 3 if they have emotional significance to her?”
“Compromise is good. And why the comment on her dating, and sexual status unless you have another issue with her?” ~ Nutty-Summer-Munch
“ESH I think it’s reasonable to have a select FEW names that she wants to save for her future children, especially if they are family names.”
“But I’m sure y’all can work out some kind of compromise.”
“I get that you’re the pregnant one but it was her family first and she also has a right to those names.” ~ xGinger_Snapx
A ridiculous request.
“Even if OP ends up using one of the names, SIL will still have a laundry list of other names she likes. I don’t see the issue.” ~ TouchMyAwesomeButt
“What if the baby is born and simply looks exactly like the name SIL used is the only one that will fit?”
“What then? Didn’t even think of that, did you?”
“SIL is nuts.”
“You can’t expect people to forego a whole host of names just on the possibility that you might want to use one of them if you ever have sex, get pregnant, and have a baby.” ~ DadJokesFTW
A child’s name is a vital thing, of course.
It’s important to think about it, to plan for it – with the knowledge that the child may not want that name when they age, of course.
But to forbid others to use a name for their own child when your own child isn’t even a thought yet may be a bit extreme.