Until time travel and teleportation are invented, we just have to come to terms with the fact that sometimes two important events are going to overlap and there will be no way for us to attend both of them.
But there will always be that one person who expects to come first every single time, eye-rolled the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Money_Shoe_3953 and his girlfriend committed almost a year ago to be in his best friend’s wedding party, only for his sister to consider booking her wedding for the same date.
Despite knowing that he was busy that day, the Original Poster (OP)’s sister booked her wedding and then decided he should skip his best friend’s wedding to be at hers instead.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for choosing to go to my best friend’s wedding over my sister’s?”
The OP committed to being in his best friend’s wedding as a groomsman nearly a year prior.
“Nine months ago, my girlfriend and I were asked to stand in my best friend’s wedding as a bridesmaid and groomsman.”
“We accepted the offer to stand in the wedding and have been involved in planning of the bachelor/bachelorette trips and the wedding itself.”
“My friend’s wedding is already booked for September 26th, 2026, with a deposit dow,n and the date cannot be changed.”
The OP was surprised when his sister became interested in getting married that day, too.
“Recently, my sister got engaged, about 3 weeks ago, and has started planning her wedding. She and her future husband have been together for four years already and have a kid together.”
“She originally had chosen a date in October of 2026, but had to change it due to someone booking that date at the venue she wants.”
“My sister told my girlfriend and me that she was changing the date to September 26th, 2026, as that was the only other date the venue had available at the time.”
“I told my sister we would not be able to make it, as we had committed to my friend’s wedding nine months ago, and they had already booked a venue, and it was too late to change anything.”
Instead of planning something else, the OP’s sister staged an ultimatum.
“My sister got upset and told us that we could just cancel on them and that they should understand, since she is my blood relative and my only sister, and argued that she was more important than a friend from high school.”
“We told her that we would not cancel on them, and she would have to pick another date or accept that we wouldn’t be there.”
“Two days later, knowing all of this information, my sister booked her wedding venue for the same night as my friend’s wedding and continued to be upset with my girlfriend and me for not canceling on him.”
“My sister thinks I’m the bad guy for choosing my friend over her. I think my sister is the bad guy, since she was the only one capable of changing the date and resolving the issue, but instead chose the same date and is forcing me to be the bad guy and choose between them.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that he was doing the right thing by being loyal to his friend.
“I’d tell her, ‘What kind of man would I be to back out of a commitment? I will be sad to miss your wedding, but you were aware of my schedule conflict, so this is what YOU chose,’ and leave it at that.” – Persis-
“Integrity means doing the right thing even though there may be negative consequences for you. NTA, OP.” – Buho45
“NTA. Your role in your friends’ wedding is critical, and you committed more than nine months ago; your sister has only been engaged for three weeks.”
“She can just as easily change her date, as she is the latecomer, plus the fact that you are a guest and not even a member of the wedding party. You have no promised commitment to her to attend.”
“Stand your ground and honor your commitment to your friends. If your family starts in, make it clearly known that attempts at manipulation by a family member will result in them being blocked, and that your sister knew that you would not be available on that date and chose it anyway.”
“Send your sister and her fiancé a gift and your regrets, but nothing more.” – Affectionate-Low5301
“NTA. You are already committed, and to someone who is very important to you.”
“Your sister already changed the date, so she can do it again or change the venue.”
“You could even flip this and say if it was truly so important to her for you to attend, then she’d be choosing YOU over the venue or the date, but noooo…” – OctoWings13
“I mean, not only are they involved in the planning, but both OP and his girlfriend are in the wedding party.”
“Two people dropping out of the wedding party after almost a year’s worth of involvement and investment would be a blow to the couple counting on them.”
“Your sister had more than enough time to plan around your event, OP. Instead of working with you, she chose to stand against you and drew a line.”
“Don’t reward her for that behavior, and don’t feel bad for being a good person who honors their commitments. She brought it on herself.” – HeyPrettyLadyMaam
Others accused the OP’s sister of various character flaws, like being immature and using her own wedding as a loyalty test.Â
“NTA. But your sister is doing this deliberately for some reason. You should find out what it is.” – janus1981
“This whole situation absolutely screams, ‘loyalty test.’ I’m guessing the OP’s sister has Main Character Syndrome and is probably the golden child and doesn’t deserve any of the extra attention or validation she thinks choosing this date is going to get her. NTA.” – TheRealCarpeFelis
“Choosing that date is just a power play… In her mind, she is the obvious choice and expects you to go, ‘Well, duh!'”
“Stand your ground, OP. I’m proud of you for doing the right thing!!” – Agile_Exchange_4057
“NTA. My siblings have all checked with each other (and parents/some other close family) before booking a venue/date to guarantee we could all be available for their wedding.”
“Depending on how long they had to plan, usually they asked us in advance for a list of bad dates, but they still confirmed before booking that we could all do those dates.”
“Your sister KNEW what the bad date was and chose it anyway.” – InfamousFlan5963
“NTA.”
“I still remember, when I was in first or second grade, a nice little girl gave me an invitation to her birthday party, which of course I accepted. A couple of days later, a sparkling, vivacious girl in our class invited me to her party the same day.”
“The choice seemed easy: to go to the better party with the more popular girl. My mother used this as a teaching moment to explain that I must keep my promise to the first girl. I wasn’t happy about missing the other party, but I embraced the lesson, and it has served me well.”
“I’m curious how the OP learned this lesson while his sister clearly skipped a few days in ethics school.” – Expert_Slip7543
“If OP’s sister wasn’t being a spoiled brat about it, I would definitely recommend checking to see if she’d be willing to at least stagger the start time so that you could attend the ceremony… but since she’s being a d**k, I’d say don’t bother.”
“OP, if she was bummed you couldn’t make it but was understanding, then sure. But blaming you for something that’s entirely her decision? Nah, no thanks. NTA.” – Mazi-bean
“NTA. You have integrity. And you communicated very clearly, before your sister’s date was firmed up, that you were already committed and your sister needed to either pick a different date or accept that you won’t be there. Your sister chose the latter and is having a hard time accepting the result of her choice. That’s on her.”
“I’m sure there’s some psychology behind her need to try to force you to choose her. I’m not going to get into that. And that’s a rabbit hole you may want to avoid.”
“I admire your integrity and keeping your word. You don’t have to choose; that part is already done.”
“Too bad your sister chose to proceed without you. Be sure to give her a generous gift and perhaps participate as much as you can in other wedding-related things. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing, unless she keeps setting up conflicts intentionally, in which case that would be on her, as well.”
“Hang in there and stand your ground. It could be a bumpy 2026….” – Honest_Echidna7106
The subReddit understood that attending his sister’s wedding would be an important moment for the family, but they applauded the OP for sticking with his prior commitment and being there for his best friend.
The OP’s sister had all of the information she needed to make this decision, and the fact that she chose this date, knowing that her brother couldn’t come and then using it against him, was entirely on her.