Relationships can easily fall apart for different reasons. Sometimes people can get so obnoxious in the things they say, and others can let jealousy interfere and make them upset.
Redditor flirthurt has been seeing a woman for over a year, but things have changed. The original poster (OP)’s girlfriend is doing something that OP doesn’t appreciate.
The fight between the two has them no longer speaking. OP decided to question if he was being a jerk and needed some outside perspective.
The “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit was willing to pass judgement on OP.
“AITA because I told my girlfriend ‘not everyone is attracted to you’”
What led to this altercation?
“I met my girlfriend Val a year and a half ago. We’ve been together exclusively for a year and some change. We have fun together, same sense of humor, interested in the same things.”
“When we first met she had low self esteem so I would compliment her a lot and try to build her up. Now I think that was a mistake.”
“Everything was smooth sailing, but for the last few months she’s been telling me about different guys that have told her they’re interested in her and would ask her out if she was single or have checked her out.”
“First I was just like ‘okay? Cool I guess’ because I didn’t really know how I was supposed to react.”
“She continued doing it, sometimes it was somebody she worked with, other times just some random dude she passed in a store.”
“A couple weeks ago I said something about my female friends girlfriend. Val said ‘oh -friends name- is gay? Hm I thought she was checking me out before’. I pretty much just rolled my eyes at that.”
“We went swimming a few weeks ago, after we walked by a couple guys Val said ‘did you see that? They were checking me out’. I seen them sitting there but it didn’t look like they checked her out, they just looked in our direction when we walked by.”
“The last straw was last weekend. We went by my friend from works house for a birthday party. My friend ‘Will’ was there. Will is a really nice guy, can talk to anyone and make them feel welcome. He’s also gay.”
“Him and Val really got along and were chatting a while.”
“On our way back to my place Val said ‘I think Will might have a crush on me’. I said ‘eh, doubt it he’s just friendly’ she said ‘no it seemed like he was interested’ I said ‘Will’s gay’. Val said ‘well then he must be bi because he was checking me out’.”
“I sorta snapped and said ‘This has gotta stop. Everyone is not attracted to you or checking you out, some people are just looking in your direction or being nice’.”
“She said ‘don’t be jelly I get looks and you don’t’ (her way of saying jealous).”
“I said ‘I’m not jealous, but this is beyond annoying. You sound conceited, it’s a major turnoff’.”
“I ended up telling her she should go home that night instead of stay over at my place. I haven’t really talked to her since besides a text she sent.”
“She text me Tuesday and said ‘when you’re ready to apologize for acting like a jealous asshole let me know’.”
“I don’t think I should apologize, but maybe I was being jealous and this is something I should just deal with.”
OP sees his girlfriend as acting conceited over her assumption that everyone is checking her out. But Val may just be enjoying her newfound confidence and liking a little attention she’s getting.
Is OP overreacting or justified in his frustration?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for getting mad at his wife for excluding OP’s son from the photos by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
What Val is doing is going too far. It’s a little more than just enjoying her confidence, she’s rubbing it in her boyfriend’s face.
OP is pretty rightfully annoyed, when she keeps bringing this topic up over and over, again and again.
This was the logic of the commenters who voted that OP was NTA.
“Dump her narcissistic ass and tell her it should be no problem since many of these ‘interested guys’ are available for her anyway.” – azariasin
“I can’t decide if she’s really made this weird narrative up in her head or if she’s saying it simply to get some sort of reaffirmative reaction from OP?” – CymruB
“Could be a little of both. Anyone who is saying he’s a [soft] AH ignored the part where she said ‘i GeT mOrE lOoKs ThAn YoU dO’.”
“How is that not insulting? She should know better if she really had insecurity issues in the past. And having the nerve to demand him to apologize lmao.”
“As long as she apologizes first…and even then it’s f***ed.” – azariasin
“NTA. Sounds like she WANTS you to be jealous. She wants you to feel insecure in the relationship so she can control you.”
“I’d reevaluate the relationship of this is how she’s acting around you.” – Shaft11375
“NTA. You aren’t jealous – you’re tired of her boring-ass bragging about all these people having all these imaginary hots for her.”
“Even if it were all true – which I doubt – but even if it were, there’s no need for her to say a single word about it to anyone.”
“If someone checks you out or flirts with you, keep it to yourself, it’s nothing your partner wants to hear about, unless you feel unsafe or need help.” – Unit-Healthy
“I have but one free award to give and this comment deserves it! This is so, so, OH SO VERY true!”
“I also am of the opinion that what other people think or say about me is none of my business unless it DIRECTLY affects me in some way.”
“I mean once in a while if someone hits on you and it surprises you, you might say to your partner, ‘Whoa, that dude just hit on me’…but NOT EVERY SINGLE TIME it happens, just keep it to yourself unless it’s inappropriate (work place) or as said above, you feel unsafe or threatened by the person.” – SageGreen98
The board, as Reddit enjoys doing, suggested that OP should breakup with Val. They only disagreed on how he should go about it.
Should OP just ghost her, or at least give her a heads up he is breaking up with Val?
“Block her and move on, I can’t believe you’ve been dealing with this immature nonsense for nearly two years already lmao” – BerryBoastBangs
“Break up, *then* block. Nobody deserves to just be ghosted by a significant other.” – lemmful
“I don’t find it to be ghosting in this case. She’s not communicating with him until he apologizes.”
“I’ve been in a similar situation where someone I was seeing told me to let him know when I wanted to apologize for being happy my ex found my cat. He was so hung up on who found the cat that he expected me to apologize for being happy that the cat was home and safe(he’d been gone for a month and got out the second floor window).”
“I never spoke another word to him because his actions showed what type of a person he was and I wasn’t apologizing when I wasn’t in the wrong.”
“I feel like statements like ‘when you’re ready to apologize let me know’ between significant others is used as an ultimatum in these situations so it’s not ghosting so much as not giving them the answer they wanted.” – Thetheifofalways
“Im sorry but she sounds….annoying…I mean even if people were crushing on her or were checking her out, it’s weird to point out every single time.”
“The only time I personally point it out to a friend something like that, is when a guy is giving me the creeps and I want help or because I am also attracted to them and want to talk to them. I would never point it out to my boyfriend unless like I said the guy I was pointing out made me uncomfortable.”
“The only person I would care about thinking I was attractive would be ding ding ding my boyfriend.”
“It sounds like she was either a late bloomer, insecure, mentally never left high school or a combination of those.”
“NTA, but I would suggest breaking up with her.” – stop_spam_calls
The end result is a problem between OP’s frustration and Val’s insistence that people are checking her out. If she sees it as a little confidence boost, that’s fine, but constantly bringing it up is taking a toll on OP.
OP could try and get Val to stop, but she seems insistent that OP is being jealous. And the two might need to go their separate ways.