There are occasions where everyone is expected to pitch in.
These include shared food, shared accommodation, basically anything that is shared equally.
In some cases, it isn’t exactly equitable for everyone to contribute exactly the same amount.
Most of the time though, the people that point this out are seldom celebrated.
A colleague of Redditor Business-Media-2483 wanted to celebrate another co-worker, and asked everyone in the office to contribute.
A request the original poster (OP) flatly denied.
Much to the surprise, even resentment, of much of his office.
Having doubts about his decision, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to chip in for a coworker’s birthday gift when I barely know them?”
The OP explained why he wasn’t interested in “chipping in” for a colleague:
“I’m 30 M[ale] and i work in a mid-sized office, about 30-ish people total.”
“Last week, a Susan 48 F[female] went around the office saying we were all chipping in for a birthday gift for a coworker (Jenna 38F or 37F, not sure ).”
“Anyways, she works in a different department than me, and while I recognize her face, we’ve maybe exchanged a few hellos in the hallway.”
“We don’t work together and have never talked outside of that.”
“Susan (the organizer) suggested everyone pitch in $20 for a gift card and a cake.”
“I didn’t respond at first.”
“Later that day, Susan stopped by my desk and asked if I was in.”
“I said I was going to pass, since I don’t really know Jenna and don’t usually participate in office gift collections unless it’s someone I work closely with.”
“She looked surprised and said, ‘It’s just $20’.”
“I told her I get that, but it feels weird to me to pay for gifts for people I don’t have a relationship with.”
“She kind of brushed it off and said okay, but after that, things felt awkward.”
“Since then, a couple of coworkers have been noticeably colder toward me, one even joked that I’m ‘that guy’ (meaning who doesn’t put $20 in).”
“Anyways, I’m starting to wonder if I broke some unspoken office rule and came off as cheap or antisocial.”
“I don’t mind celebrating people I actually work with, but I also don’t think gift giving should be mandatory, especially for someone I barely know.”
“AITA for saying no?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to chip in for their colleague’s birthday.
Everyone agreed that not only were the OP’s reasons for not contributing valid, but $20 seemed a lot for everyone to chip in for a birthday present, especially considering the size of the OP’s office:
“30ish x $20 would be $600.”
“That would be quite the gift card and cake.”
“Susan must be quite the party planner and quite the office gossip.”
“Feel free to be that guy — the one who can do simple math and doesn’t contribute toward office celebrations for people in other departments whom he doesn’t actually know.”
“The one who isn’t intimidated by Susan, who never ever should have told anyone else whether or not you contributed.”
“But don’t eat any of that gold-plated cake.”
“NTA.”- Nester1953
“NTA.”
“$20 is nuts.”
“That’s $600 with 30 people, WTF are they planning on buying?”
“My office would just pass around an envelope with a card in it.”
“We’d sign it, drop a couple of quid in it, and it would would buy some flowers and a box of chocolates.”- hallerz87
“NTA.”
“It’s just $20 until you multiply it times all the people in the office you will be asked to chip in for.”
“That adds up really quickly.”- Motor-Winter5581
“NTA.”
“30 * 20 = $600 a year that is a chunk of change most people wouldn’t be fine paying out for coworkers NOT FRIENDS.”- Interesting_You_2315
“NTA.”
“This is such a waste of everyone’s time.”
“If everyone puts in $20 for everyone’s birthday, then everyone would pay $600 and get a $500 gift card and a $100 cake to share on their birthday.”
“But you’ve worked there 9 months, so it doesn’t seem like everyone is getting this treatment.”
“Why does Susan get to decide who gets $500 or $600 dollars on their birthday?”- 1962Michael
“NTA I hate those.”
“It is not fair, nor is it reasonable.”
“30 people and $20 is a lot of money, not to mention that makes for 2-3 birthdays a month, which is ridiculous. Are you supposed to pitch in for each one, and what happens if someone is missed?”
“I worked in an office that provided monthly lunches and cupcakes for the birthdays that month, no cost to employees just a quick monthly celebration.”- Zero_Patience1771
“NTA.”
“$20×30=$600.”
“Sounds like Susan is saving a lot of that money for herself.”
“Ask them what about Jenna makes her worth a $600 gift.”- Separate-Parfait6426
“NTA, ‘$20 for a gift card and cake’ in that office comes out to $600 per birthday, a cake would be around $50 to $100 (depending on size), which leaves a $500 gift card.”
“Someone in that office is making out like a bandit, and I doubt it’s the birthday girl/boy.”- schec1
“NTA.”
“So you’re that guy, that guy who won’t be guilt-tripped into chipping in.”
“$20 for every colleague seems like a lot.”
“Let them think what they want.”- RoyallyOakie
“NTA.”
“$20 a person at around 30 people is wild.”
“That comes out to $600.”
“What type of gift card and cake is this lady being given that $600 is needed?”
“I would question if Susan is pocketing some of that cash for her ‘hard work’ of organizing all of this.”
“If everyone is contributing, then $5 a person should be more than enough for a simple gift card and a cake because that’s still $150.”
“I would seriously question what is happening with that cash if I were you and maybe even directly ask anyone who brings up you not paying why they think $600 is necessary for cake and a gift card.”- Scared_Fox_1813
“NTA.”
“Twenty quid for someone you don’t know well is not that reasonable.”
“Also, as others have pointed out, she’d be collecting hundreds for her birthday.”
“I didn’t even ask for much on my birthday, as a kid.”
“Your coworkers are jerks, tryna ring out some cash from you.”- VictoryExtension4983
“NTA.”
“It seems Susan has taken it upon herself to buy gifts worth hundreds of dollars (a Dyson hairdryer, really?) for people’s birthdays.”
“That isn’t typical or expected at most workplaces.”- softballpants
“NTA.”
“Over the course of a year, that’s ~$600 you would be paying for co-worker’s gifts.”
“I guess they could say, well, you would benefit from the situation on your birthday, but not necessarily.”
“The cake is for the whole office, not everyone even likes cake (gasp!), and who knows what kind of ‘gift’ would be chosen.”
“Susan might be getting cakes from a boutique bakery or from a grocery store bakery.”-sickofbeingsick1969
“$600 in gifts.”
“That’s before the expected purchases of Girl Scout cookies, Boy Scout popcorn, band kids candy bars, Pampered Chef parties, etc.”
“That’s nuts. (I’m sure some group is selling those too.)”
“If a collection is to be made and agree to, why not use that money to help fellow employees by ‘purchasing sick/pto’ days for someone with a chronic illness, sick kid that needs more days than what they have accrued.”
“Or put in a fund to help for incredibly expensive, life-saving medication.”
“So maybe I have had my own issues with these things for a number of years.”
“I just hate when peer pressure tactics are used.”
“NTA.”- Sewasmiles
“NTA.”
“Honestly, if they are acting out in any way, meaning even treating you differently, contact HR about it.”- Lunar-Eclipse0204
“NTA.”
“‘It’s just $20’.”
“BS.”
“Even if you knew Jenna well, it’s still not an obligation to pitch in for someone’s birthday at work.”
“In this economy, $20 is the price of someone’s home-cooked meal.”
“Susan needs to accept no as an answer and move on.”- the_greek_italian
“Yuck.”
“NTA.”
“I have never worked anywhere where we were expected to chip in for gifts.”
“The company should take care of that, if at all.”
“One company I worked at had a cake at the end of the monthly company meeting and sang happy birthday to everyone with a birthday that month.”
“Voila.”
“They also had ‘baby showers’ for expecting parents (cake, onesie with company logo, gift card for Target or something—paid for by the company of course).”
“It’s a much smaller cost for the company to do it and it avoids awkward situations like the one you’re in.”- Master_Farm_445
“NTA.”
“I think it’s kind of silly to celebrate birthdays like this at an office.”
“Everyone has one, so over the course of the year are they really doing this for everyone?”
“If so it just ends up being a circular pass the money around sort of thing.”
“If not, people get left out.”
“At my work the department I work with does a totally voluntary birthday cake rotation.”
“Mine was the most recent birthday, and since I chose to participate in this somebody brought me a cake.”
“I am responsible for getting a cake for the next person, and so on.”
“There are no other gifts or responsibilities besides the cake and it’s totally voluntary.”- Imthatsick
If the OP were asked to contribute $5 or less, it would be much more difficult to sympathize with him.
However, $20 for a colleague he barely knows seems a stretch.
For that matter, if everyone in this office contributes $20, Jenna better be getting one spectacular cake and present.
And Susan better have a receipt…