Not everyone is interested in change.
Many people are perfectly happy with an unchanged daily routine, finding comfort and satisfaction day in and day out.
Others, however, find themselves getting bored by doing the same old thing every old day, and want to spice up their lives in some capacity
Posing a problem to this situation, however, is that these same people often aren’t interested in going through this change unless someone joins them.
Redditor Local_Moment_4782 had gotten into something of a routine in her household.
A routine the original poster (OP)’s husband requested she change up.
While the OP was open to implementing this change, her husband’s unreliable behavior made following through with it next to impossible.
Concerned with how she handled things, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not cooking ‘fancier’ meals?”
The OP explained why dinnertime with her husband had become a hot buttoned issue:
“I’m the only one who cooks in our house.”
“It’s just 4 of us, my husband, me and my daughter and little brother.”
“My husband is 27 and I’m 25.”
“My husband barely knows how to make eggs, even though I’ve tried to talk to him constantly about learning how to cook.”
“My daughter and brother are still in elementary school so they only help me cook.”
“The responsibility falls on me and it’s honestly exhausting.. so, I just set up a system in my head.”
“It’s easy, for breakfast It’s just something with eggs or cereal.”
“Lunch is some sort of sandwich, burger, or leftovers.”
“Dinner is the meal I usually plan but I have like 10 dishes I repeat.”
“Sometimes I’ll go off, especially Sunday, but generally I stay because it’s easier for me mentally.”
“Well, one day I made just pasta alfredo with chicken and as we were eating, my husband mentions that it would be nice if I made ‘fancier’ dishes.”
“I asked him what he meant and he explained he wants me to change things up, add some more meat dishes and variety.”
“Next time, we went out shopping and I was putting ingredients I don’t usually buy into the cart.”
“As the ingredients started piling up, my husband was getting all puffy and upset.”
“We got to the meat aisle and I started picking out beef and that’s when my husband lost it and started taking things out of the cart.”
“Saying that we can’t afford my ‘fancy living’.”
“I blinked at him and tried to explain that he was the one who asked for variety and different dishes, so I’m buying different ingredients.”
“He rolled his eyes and told me that I’m being dramatic.”
“I just let him do his thing, taking out most of the ingredients out.”
“The next week, I made the same dishes because that’s all I had ingredients for.”
“A week passed and my husband was all pouting that I made fried rice again and that he’s sick of chicken.”
“When I pointed out that he took out all the beef out of our cart, he blew up on me again and said I’m being an a**hole because he doesn’t know how to cook?”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not cooking her husband’s ‘fancier’ meals.
Everyone agreed that the behavior of the OP’s husband was as or more infantile as the children in her household, with some even feeling his behavior bordered on emotional manipulation:
“The thing that bothers me is that he complains about something then gets angry when you try to do what he wants.”
“When you point that out, he gets angry at you.”
“It sounds like he just wants to be angry at you.”
“It’s so bizarre.”
“NTA.”- curly-sue99
“NTA.”
“I would stop cooking for His Grace, the Duke of Minimum Effort for a while.”
“Possibly for \ever.”
“Just feed yourself and your kids.”
“Your foods aren’t good enough for Sir Requireth All, so why bother?”
“Reginald Expectington III can learn to cook for himself, unless he is mentally impaired somehow.”
“Tell him that you are very excited to taste his beef Wellingtons and nicely seared halibuts.”
“I absolutely despise people who are about as useful as a handful of dirt, yet act all entitled and sh*t on people who take care of them.”
“NTA-NTA-NTA.”
“The absolute gall.”- IllustriousSyzygy
“NTA.”
“The next time he talks crap, drop The Joy of Cooking in his lap.”
“And the next.”
“Every single time.”
“He can learn to cook or he can shut up.”- piedpipershoodie
“NTA.”
“Your husband is a big one, though.”
“No idea why you allow for that.”
“Hope your daughter and brother don’t grow up to be like that.”- CSurvivor9
“How does he expect you to make different food with the same materials?”
“NTA.”- HNutz
“NTA.”
“He can have pb&j for a week and cultivate some gratitude.”- Typical-Human-Thing
“NTA.”
“I think this is weaponized incompetence.”- Single-Tangerine9992
“NTA.”
“Somebody’s been in his ear and you need to find out who and where.”
“If it’s his work buddies, then he needs to get thicker skin if they were ragging on him.”
“If his salary can afford it, he needs to open the wallet and let the moths out.”
“If it’s his family, then if his mom wants him to have prime rib she needs to make it for him or whatever other casserole she wants to drop off enough for the whole family.”
“Now this is another source which I hate to bring up, but it has to be said.”
“If there’s a new young person at work, how has he been interacting with them that he comes home and demands fancier meals from you.”
“In that case, you need him to fess-up if there’s been a simple casual work lunch or something else going on.”
“In all of these cases, HE needs the fixing in the situation, not you.”
“NTA.”- Better-Turnover2783
“NTA.”
“If he wants ‘fancier’ meals, he needs to provide a ‘fancier’ budget.”- Berim13
“NTA.”
“But your husband is a major AH.”
“Go buy a cookbook.”
“Next time he complains, give him the cookbook.”
“Or better yet just stop cooking for him.”
“Apparently, you can’t please him no matter what you do, so just stop.”
“When he complains, tell him to make his own food.”- SnooSprouts6437
“NTA.”
“Instead of asking for ‘fancier’ meals, he could’ve eased your mental load by suggesting specific dishes or—better yet—offering to help.”
“You’re handling everything while he stays passive and ungrateful.”
“You weren’t being dramatic at all—you actually tried to meet his request by buying different ingredients, and he shot it down.”
“He wants more without contributing anything.”
“If he wants variety, he can either cook or support you in making it happen (i.e. financially).”
“Until then, he can eat his fried rice or make his own damn meal.”- Legitimate_Fig_9226
“NTA.”
“Sounds like he is just being an a**.”
“Rule in our house, the cook does the cooking.”
“(Usually me) tell him to Google a meal he wants, then he can cook sometimes.”
“Never to old to learn.”- gregwhale5
“You’re NTA.”
“Your husband sounds like my ex.”
“Wouldn’t what he wanted, complained about what he got, took zero initiative to lift a finger to help.”
“I got fed up and made Shake and Bake chicken for 6 straight nights.”- Dittoheadforever
“NTA.”
“Send him back to his mother.”
“I was already on NTA side after ‘he wants fancier meals but I do all the cooking’ but once I got to the huffing & puffing and freaking out at the grocery store, I was firmly in Break Up territory.”
“And now here we are at pouting at having fried rice again, and sick of chicken, but wouldn’t let you buy other ingredients, as though some magical food fairy would appear in your fridge and Rumplestiltskin the chicken into beef?”
“Seriously, Send him back to his mother, and let her deal with the consequences of not teaching him how groceries, meal planning & execution works.”
“You deserve better.”- Strange_Lady
“NTA.”
“I wouldn’t bother cooking for him.”
“Or just go straight to sandwiches.”
“’Here make yourself a sandwich’.”
“He doesn’t contribute, complains, and wants what Michelin meals on McDonald’s spend?”
“Forget him.”
“This really pisses me off for you.”
“This is weaponized incompetence.”
“He can learn, he chooses not to.”- Lightmeup-goahead
The OP’s husband sounds like someone who truly cannot be pleased.
As the OP was more than happy to cook him the “fancier meals” he requested, until he criticized her “fancy living.”
One can only wonder if the OP’s husband will finally appreciate all she does for him if she were to stop cooking for him entirely…