Pregnant women can experience certain sensitivities they wouldn’t normally have.
Smells, foods, and activities that never were an issue before can become a big problem.
This can make pregnancy even more difficult to manage.
So it’s nice to be surrounded by loved ones who care.
That is not the case for every mom-to-be, though.
Redditor Antique-Signal-5071 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“WIBTA if I ask my husband to stop cooking breakfast?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (31 F[emale]) Husband (34 M[ale]) is a creature of habit and has made himself the same breakfast every single morning for the 10 years that we have been together: a tofu scramble with various veggies made on the cast iron skillet.”
“For years, I would barely notice his cooking in the morning; however, a couple of years ago, he started getting distracted while cooking and would walk out of the room to sit down at his computer and start thinking about work for the day.”
“He will claim that the stove is off or on super low, but the result is that almost every single morning, the food smells like burnt oil and is just awful.”
“I find the smell to be revolting and on a few occasions have had coughing fits from the smoke in the air. “
“He usually disagrees and says that there isn’t any smoke in the air.”
A”t present, a couple of factors complicate this even more.”
“We recently moved into a very old house with terrible ventilation, and the fan for the stove just recirculates air around the kitchen.”
“I am also pregnant and struggling with morning sickness and food aversions, and the smell of his nasty burnt breakfast makes me feel so sick and irritated.”
“I try to stay calm when thinking and talking about it, but internally, there is a hormone-fueled rage towards his breakfast.”
“I hate it so much.”
“I despise it.”
“I’ve tried talking to him about it a couple of times… and he says he will be more careful.”
“He doesn’t seem to really understand how irritating the smells are to me.”
“This morning, I was in a W[ork]-F[rom]H-[One] my way meeting in my office, when he once again left his food unattended on the stove. “
“The smoke filled my office, and I was struggling not to gag and cough.”
“At this point, I want to demand that he either…”
“1) He stops cooking breakfast entirely, or…”
“2) Get a blacktop and cook outside so that I don’t have to smell it.”
“Why I think I’m not the a**hole: he has demonstrated unsafe practices with cooking in the morning, and his burnt food makes my morning sickness worse.”
“Why I might be the a**hole: this breakfast has been his daily routine since before we met.”
“It’s a ritual at this point.”
“He also doesn’t see things the way I do, says that his food isn’t burnt, and that he doesn’t really leave it unattended, and that I am being sensitive.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“I want to try to explain in a calm way how I feel and how important I find this, but with his behavior lately, I’m starting to wonder if he’s right and if I’m the a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“A simple ‘Honey, you accidentally left the stove on’ as you vomit into his lap {or his laptop, your choice} might go a long way to solve the problem.” ~ glynndah
“NAH, sensitive was me throwing up because someone’s toast in the other room of the apartment smelled strong enough through a closed door to trigger the morning sickness.”
“OP sounds completely justified in reacting to this smell.” ~ Jassamin
“Yeah, OP is definitely NTA.’
“I’d do this without all the hormonal changes.”
“She’s a true saint for being so collected while pregnant and having tried to address it a few times.”
“Who knows what’s going on with the husband?”
“Maybe he was overwhelmed with his increased work responsibilities, but this isn’t an excuse to practice unsafe cooking; but an opportunity to reflect on how life is going.” ~ SansevieraEtMaranta
“NTA because he shouldn’t be walking off and leaving things to burn.”
“It really isn’t that long of a process; he should be able to stand by his food while he’s cooking it until it’s done.” ~ lihzee
“ESPECIALLY now that you’re about to have a child!”
“Leaving a hot cast iron unattended is a great way to have a horrible accident in a few years when kiddo is walking around grabbing random s**t.” ~ windexfresh
“NTA. Tell him that he needs to stay by what he is cooking and that if he walks away, you will turn off the stove and throw the food out.”
“And then follow through.” ~ No-Assignment5538
“NTA is also adding…”
“This s**t is pretty severe because he is risking a fire every time he forgets he is cooking, but the insult is that OP is pregnant and he isn’t respecting the idea that the stench is a problem WHILE PREGNANT.”
“He needs to stay inside the kitchen until the pregnancy is done, and after that, he needs to learn how to set a phone alarm.”
“I get it, it is kinda normal to leave the kitchen briefly during cooking – but not long enough for things to burn!’
“Hard ban on him leaving the kitchen with food on the stove for now, but later he can get that privilege back ONLY with active phone alarms to make sure he doesn’t wander.” ~ CaeruleumBleu
“OP needs to get ahead of this one way or the other before the baby is born or this is setting up to be one of those tragic totally avoidable situations where a small child pulls something off the stove and ends up in the burn unit and not expected to survive or surviving only with massive life altering injuries because of Dad’s inattention and lack of concern.” ~ No-Assignment5538
“If he’s open to it, and I hope he is, he should get a checkup, including Neuro.”
“It’s definitely a safety issue, but the fact that he’s not noticing burnt, smoky smells, and you’ve brought it up pre-pregnancy, is concerning.”
“NTA, and you have my sympathies on the morning sickness and dealing with lingering burnt oil-scented air.” ~ danger_moose_
“NTA. My mom had some pretty intense food aversions during pregnancy, and my dad happily gave up every single one of them without issue.”
“It’s not a big ask to stop making fragrant foods on high heat in the morning while you are pregnant.”
“He clearly needs to get his routine figured out so that it doesn’t cause a fire.” ~ Aur3lia
“He could burn down the house with his nonchalant attitude.”
“Don’t you have a smoke alarm that goes off?”
“If not, I would get one.”
“After several of those awfully shrill alarms going off, he will surely start paying more attention. NTA.” ~ Ordinary-Audience363
“NTA and that‘s a whole fire hazard.”
“Your husband needs to start taking accountability for how his habits impact his pregnant wife.”
“You‘ll get a free, ‘unreasonably banning husband from anything, ever’ pass for that alone.”
“If he insists on making breakfast, he should make sure not to burn it.” ~ ifactra
“NTA. You said you live in a very old house- that’s basically a tinder box waiting to catch fire.”
“I think you have standing to demand he stop cooking or stay with it until it’s finished before the house catches on fire or you have an accident from coughing and lung damage from inhaling burnt food smoke.” ~ Lazuli_Rose
“NTA. Neglecting his breakfast has not been his routine since before you met.”
“What’s so important on his computer that he can’t wait until his breakfast is cooked?”
“Have him bring the computer into the kitchen so he can better watch his breakfast, or wait until after it’s plated to go do whatever he’s doing.” ~ Sufficient-Produce85
“NTA, but you realize he’s gaslighting you about the smoke, and at this point, you cannot trust that he won’t burn down the place.”
“He either needs to go because he’s lazy or have a mental health checkup.” ~ CoCoaStitchesArt
“NTA. It’s a short step from ruining breakfast to setting the house on fire.”
“You are not being sensitive.”
“He’s deflecting.”
‘Don’t ask him to stop cooking his breakfast.”
“Ask him to stop using his computer while he’s cooking.”
“Or set a timer.”
“But really, he should focus on cooking if he’s going to cook.” ~ ThealaSildorian
“NTA- If he is filling the house with smoke while cooking, he is doing it wrong.”
“And that situation can be very dangerous; house fires can start very quickly.”
“I don’t think I would ask him to stop cooking breakfast; I would ask him not to leave the kitchen when cooking breakfast or any other meal.” ~ Impressive_Moment786
“NTA, and only one reason is needed: you’re pregnant.”
“Smell aversions are very real.”
“Just explain to him it’s an aversion and needs to stop for a while.” ~ InsideWafer
“NTA. What changed for him to justify his leaving food on a hot burner?”
“How is he going to justify the 3rd degree burns on his toddler, who’s gone into the kitchen when you turn your back for just a second (because that’s just how little time it takes for a toddler to disappear) and pulls the hot pan off the burner onto themselves?”
“This has got to stop, now, permanently, before the baby comes.” ~ RedSky1357
“NTA. Sometimes I feel like getting angry and having a mini breakdown in front of someone is the only way to get the message across.”
“I’d probably do this the next time it happens.”
“I had food aversions when pregnant, and it’s horrendous, people don’t get it at all.” ~ CrabbyGremlin
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your health and your baby’s health should be a priority for him.
You’re merely trying not to be suffocated by smoke.
Maybe have a third party step in and try to talk with him.
Good Luck.