When a major change in life arrives, like a new job or the end of a relationship, we each process that new information, and that change to our lives, a little differently.
Some of us are serious, some of us become emotional, and some of us joke about it.
Unfortunately, sometimes when two coping styles come into contact, they don’t mix well together, admitted the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
When announcing her pregnancy, Redditor Emotional_Slip_2883 decided to make a joke about having to put off the plans she and her husband had been making, in order to accommodate the new addition to their home.
But when they were questioned about their commitment to their baby, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she should have made a more traditional announcement.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for my ‘snarky’ pregnancy announcement?”
The OP had to change her plans when she found out she was pregnant.
“My husband and I got married in late 2019. We had always dreamed of going to Europe together for a honeymoon, but with the pandemic, that hasn’t happened yet.”
“We had tentative plans to go in early 2023, but then I found out I was pregnant.”
“We planned to have a kid someday but I wanted to meticulously plan first. This was very unexpected.”
“We are happy and are adjusting to our new normal, although I was dismayed for a while that Europe will now be out of reach until the kid goes to college. (I know some people travel with kids, but I don’t really see us doing an international trip with a kid.)”
The couple made a joke as a way of announcing their pregnancy.
“I recently announced our pregnancy on social media, not even our parents knew.”
“I posted a cute photo with booties and captioned it, ‘Looks like that honeymoon will have to wait (checks watch) 18 years.'”
“I thought it was fine, and I got the congrats from acquaintances and such, and from family.”
But not everyone appreciated the couple’s approach.
“Then my husband’s family members and a couple of my family members started messaging us.”
“They all accused us of sounding like we’re not happy to be having a baby and that we didn’t want this pregnancy.”
“They said that my announcement was giving people the wrong idea.”
“AITA for ‘misrepresenting’ our pregnancy like this?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said becoming parents was far more emotional than being excited for a baby.
“It’s so weird that people pretend like pregnancies (even planned ones) aren’t allowed to come with mixed emotions. We need to normalize it being okay for people to be allowed to be nervous, disappointed, and even upset about certain aspects of becoming parents.”
“It’s as though because some folks want to get pregnant and struggle, that everyone else who expresses anything less than totally overjoyed sentiments about procreating is somehow ungrateful AHs.”
“Which is not true. In fact, I’d go as far to say if you aren’t having mixed emotions, you might not be understanding or taking seriously what a huge life change you’re about to go through.”
“It’s okay to be happy about the baby and disappointed about the trip. Whatever else you’re feeling is okay too and literally no one else’s business. Especially if they can’t be supportive and accuse you of not wanting your own child.”
“Congratulations and here’s wishing you as easy and stress-free a pregnancy and delivery as possible!” – formidable-opponent
“When I was pregnant, I was scared and nervous, not happy at all, and every single woman who gave birth just HAD to come up to me and tell me all the joy.”
“Yet, not a single mom told me some baby horrors, oh no, because babies are only good things that don’t poop all the way up to their shoulders (threw the entire onesie away)!”
“I never understood why anyone would only talk about the good of baby humans without talking about the bad. The good, the bad, and the ugly needs to be told, not just the good.” – Living-Celebration57
“You haven’t even given birth, and people are already telling you that you’re doing motherhood wrong, SMH (shaking my head). NTA.” – ziaVirgi
“It’s totally ok to be bummed about missing their European honeymoon! It’s ok to be excited about the baby and disappointed about all the lifestyle changes that come with it at the same time.” – Paint_her_paint_me
“They suck for jumping all over you instead of using grown-up words to make sure you’re okay and happy with things. You suck because whether it was your intention or not, you did insinuate that your kid is the reason you’re not getting to do the super fun thing you wanted/planned to do.”
“And it’s ridiculous to insist that you’re not going to get to travel ever just because you have a kid. People do it all the time. They have family come visit – yes, even from far away -, they let their kids go to a friend’s – kid’s friend or the parent’s friend – house to stay for a few days. It’s doable.”
“But insisting it’s not going to happen for your child’s entire life until they go to college or move out is just going to make you resentful, whether it’s of your kid or your circumstances; either way that’s not a good way to approach your life.” – SpecificPeach5785
Others agreed and said the family was assuming a lot from a brief announcement.
“They’re being awfully assumptive. I would pay them no mind. Just politely explain to them that you are indeed happy, and that you were just trying to be tongue-in-cheek.” – carbinePRO
“This reminds me of a post I saw the other day where the couple was torn apart for their announcement because people thought they were pushing their child into blue-collar work. People read way too much into birth announcements.” – ZippyKat85
“NAH. I won’t lie when I say that it DOES sound like you’re already blaming your kid for you not having a honeymoon, but I can definitely understand not wanting to travel with a baby.”
“It’s your announcement and there was nothing inherently wrong with it, but yeah, it’s exactly what it sounds like. That won’t make you TA until later down the line if you actually do use that against your kid.” – Additional-Number969
“NTA. I’m sarcastic and this is the type of thing I would say.”
“My knee-jerk reaction from the rest of the info though is that perhaps they are annoyed to have found out about the new baby from your Facebook post. Maybe they are assuming you aren’t happy about the baby because you weren’t more excited to tell them personally…?” – JennnnnP
“I know I would’ve chuckled if someone had posted that. I wouldn’t have taken it as a sign that they were unhappy about the pregnancy.”
“The one thing I think is a bit of a rude move is to post to social media without telling the parents first. Maybe their relationships with their parents aren’t super close and that’s why they didn’t tell them ahead of time.”
“I just know if one of my sisters posted to Facebook to announce a pregnancy and I was unaware till I saw that, I would be hurt, but I am close with them.” – Klutzy_Peanut_5185
Some said they liked the pregnancy announcement.
“It’s her pregnancy, she gets to announce it any d**n way she pleases. Also, I happen to think the announcement was pretty cute. NTA.” – jasmineflower88
“NTA. I think the announcement was funny. It’s the type of thing I would do.” – DreadGrrl
“Have traveled without kids for years backpacking then with hubby and now with our kids and will continue to till they get sick of us. Every type of travel has its pros and cons but it’s all good. Plan on taking the kids to Europe with us for a multi months trip when they are older.”
“Your announcement is cute but please don’t let having kids change your plans that much.”
“Plan a nice babymoon/honeymoon closer to home so that you can have your honeymoon but don’t give up on Europe.” – Boo-Zoo
“NTA. To me, your announcement reads, ‘look, this is our new priority now.’ There’s nothing wrong with that. And congratulations!” – Healthy_Menu1457
“NTA. I think that’s a cute announcement. F**k them for reading their bulls**t into it and turning it negative. It’s more blatantly misunderstanding on their part than you misrepresenting anything at all.” – tikhead
The couple seemed conflicted after their family reached out to them and criticized their choice of announcing their pregnancy, and the subReddit understood why.
While some thought the announcement was cute or creative, most could understand how it could have tonally been misinterpreted, especially since this was the first time anyone was hearing about the baby.
If the family had heard over the phone first and knew how the couple was feeling, they may have been able to focus more on the joking aspect of the announcement when it arrived than what they were reading in-between the lines.