Nothing brings out family drama like planning a wedding, as a Redditor recently learned after his niece all but demanded he allow her to use his “castle” in Europe as a wedding venue.
So he took his dilemma to the AITA (Am I The As*hole) subReddit for some input. Original Poster (OP) EurCasTh-Aw asked:
“AITA for not letting my niece host her wedding at my ‘castle’?”
OP explained:
“28 years ago my wife and I combined our savings (most of which came from inheritance after my father’s passing) and bought our ‘castle’ in southern Europe. It was actually a derelict farmhouse with some land but it has a small turret so our family has always referred to it as The Castle.”
“My wife and I decided we’d rather have a small, basic house in our home country and focus our time and resources readying The Castle for us to retire in and for our children to enjoy.”
“It took years but around the time our eldest was born it was finally finished. It’s not massive; 5 bedrooms and a small pool in the gardens but it is our paradise. We’ve always allowed our families and friends to use it whenever they please, and have spent every summer vacation staying there with our children.”
“Our only stipulation when people stay there is that the master bedroom is off limits. It takes up most of the 3rd floor with the remaining bedrooms on the 2nd floor. A lot of my and my wife’s belongings are in there, and it’s also the room we have shared together for over twenty years.”
“Recently my niece got engaged and held an engagement party on Zoom at the weekend. When asked what ideas they’d had so far she excitedly told me they’d actually been planning to ask us if they could hold the wedding at The Castle.”
“I was a bit taken aback but didn’t want to outright refuse. I joked it would have to be a rather small wedding since they’d struggle to fit more than 25 people in the gardens.”
“She gushed that she’d already thought it through and they’d put up canopies in the field nearby (we don’t own that land) and if all the guests stayed in hotels in the town she would arrange transport for ‘us all to get to the villa.'”
“My wife and I bit our tongues not wanting to make a fuss during their engagement celebration.”
“But later when my niece texted me to repeat what she’d said I asked her to clarify the sleeping arrangements and after some back and forth it came to light she plans to use the master bedroom as the bridal suite and for the wedding party to have the remaining rooms. My wife, children and I would have to stay elsewhere.”
“I slept on my decision and spoke with my wife. On Sunday I responded and politely refused, saying it’s too small and we aren’t comfortable having anyone in our room.”
“Both she and my sister blew up at me telling me I was ruining her wedding and she’d always dreamed of marrying at The Castle. My sister even said since I used my inheritance it’s ‘family property’ which is obviously ridiculous.”
“ETA When we texted her on Sunday we offered a compromise: no master bedroom, and either get permission/insurances to use the fields, or reduce guest count to 25. We even offered to host a small rehearsal too but she rejected the offers. That is when we outright refused.”
OP’s fellow Redditors were asked to judge where the blame lies based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Their judgment was pretty much unaninmous.
“NTA – Do you know what your sister bought with her part of the inheritance? If so, good news, it’s yours now. Be sure to let her know.” —Jizznut
“NTA. You offered a compromise, but she has refused. This isn’t just an extra property that you rent out, it is your second home and where you plan on retiring. Although I don’t think it would be the end of the earth to accommodate them, the fact they expect you and your immediate family to rent hotel rooms to attend a wedding in your property is ridiculous.” —chatondedanger
“There’s another point.”
“If he plans to retire there they’ll want friendly neighbours, not “oh that’s the family who caused a big scene over a wedding here” that will make the neighbours very cold toward him and his wife.” —AbriiDoniger
“NTA”
“it’s your property and they shouldn’t expect your whole family to vacate the property so they can have a wedding in your home. that’s incredibly selfish.” —newaxcounr
“NTA. You took the high road multiple times here. During the zoom meeting you bit your tongue. You slept on your decision without making it; and now your family has the audacity to make you feel bad?…” —87_north
“If you and your family are staying at the castle she can’t pretend to be a princess on her wedding day. My guess is that she has been bragging about her “family castle” to all her friends and would have to come clean to her friends about the fact that she has only stayed there as a guest. That’s why she won’t accept any of the compromises you’ve offered.” —ifyoureamonkey-hum
“NTA. It isn’t a family property. It is yours, and you have been generous. No one should demand your room. Plus, it should be that your family goes to a hotel.” —wickedlucky214
“NTA. Your niece is so entitled. She expects you to host her wedding without even asking you first before telling everyone and then expects you to give up your whole house for it. Then expects whoever owns the land near you to just let her use without even asking. She has no right to just expect these things and then get upset about. It’s your house.” —nmc_azrael
“NTA. What about allowing the wedding but insisting they house everyone (bridal party included) at hotels as originally suggested?” —RB1327
“NTA. If it’s too small, it’s too small, Your niece can’t build canopies on private property. Can’t she just use your backyard or something to host the wedding, and get a honeymoon suite in a 5-star hotel?” —Treeflower77
Leave it to bridezillas to stir up conflict. Hopefully this family can come together before the big day.