Would you give a friend necessary advice even if it made things more difficult in the short-run?
That was the dilemma confronted by one Redditor, who explained the recent incident in a post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP), known as beemom8 on the site, offered a sneak peak of that “difficulty” right in the title.
“AITA because my coworkers wedding got called off?”
OP led with a quick outline of the key characters.
“I (28-year-old female) work at a small, local sports bar. I have a coworker (25-year-old female) who we shall call Amanda (all names will be changed for this post).”
“Amanda started dating one of our regulars, Nick, not quite two years ago. After a few months, she got pregnant and they got engaged pretty quickly after that.”
The bun in the oven wasn’t the only kid in the equation.
“The baby is now 6 months old, and Amanda has two other kids- a 5 year old and a 3 year old- each from a different father as well.”
“Nick was planning to adopt both of them after the wedding, as both other dads basically refuse to be in the picture and are willing to give up parental rights.”
But recently, OP learned about a juicy update.
“Amanda and Nick were supposed to be getting married in two weeks.”
“However, about a week ago, Nick came in on one of my bar shifts and seemed really down. I didn’t pry, but made friendly small talk, and after a few beers he told me an alarming confession.”
“One of our other regulars, Adam, reached out to Nick on social media. Apparently Adam and Amanda had been messing around at the same time that she and Nick were dating, and Amanda ghosted him just before announcing her engagement.”
“Basically, Adam wanted Nick to be aware that the baby may not be his before going through with the wedding and the adoption.”
OP didn’t hesitate to give some advice.
“I was stunned, and told Nick that Adam is a bit unstable to begin with and might be lying out of jealousy as he’d always had a thing for Amanda.”
“I asked if he had confronted Amanda and he said no, and told me he was at a loss as to what to do.”
“I basically said he had two choices- either he loves Amanda and the baby enough to not care, or if he needed to know for sure, an answer was a paternity test away.”
Nick apparently took OP’s suggestions to heart.
“Well he went with the paternity test. And guess who is not the father.”
“After getting the results and confronting Amanda, Nick called off the wedding.”
“According to another regular who is close with Nick, Amanda admitted to knowing the whole time, but went along with the baby being Nick’s because he is ‘financially stable’ and she knew he would do the right thing and marry her.”
Of course, tensions were high after that.
“Word about the conversation between Nick and I got around, and Amanda has been texting me about how I ruined her life and I had no business butting in.”
“She claims if I hadn’t suggested the paternity test, Nick never would have gotten one, and she’d have a husband and a father for her kids.”
“And I feel like she might be right. I absolutely could have minded my own business and told Nick I had no advice for him.”
“And I do feel bad that now she will be struggling with three small children on her own, being a single mother myself.”
Nearly everyone who responded assured OP she was in the right.
“NTA. He knew his options before he mentioned things to you. Anybody else would have said the same thing to him.” — beckingham_palace
“NTA I’m sure you are not the only one with knowledge of paternity tests in Nicks social circles.”
“Amanda kind of deserved it.” — tatasz
“NTA, You didn’t do anything except encourage Nick to find out the truth. He already has doubts before coming to you and likely would have come to that conclusion on his own.”
“Besides, it’s likely to have come out eventually anyway and it’s definitely better to come out sooner rather than later.” — tallsmolbean
“NTA Nick deserves to know. Amanda did a horrible thing especially if she knew or had an inkling the child was not Nick’s.”
“In this day and age, they can be ordered online or heck Wal-Mart even carries them. It is a very simple procedure with a pretty fast turnaround. Imagine what would have happened in 10 yrs when the child needed a kidney and Nick found out at that point.”
“Seems Nick dodged the bullet and a cannonball with Amanda.” — crbryant1972
Many reminded OP where the true blame lay.
“NTA Amanda ruined her own life. She was stringing Nick along for the money and support when she knew that wasn’t honest. That isn’t your fault at all.” — ThiccSteamboatWillie
“NTA, Amanda has some nerve trying to play this as your fault.” — Rocklobsterbot
“NTA , what do you expect from someone who lies, cheats, and scams. She cannot possibly be responsible for her own evil decisions.” — eatthebunnytoo
“NTA. Perhaps she should invest in birth control lol. You just saved that dude’s life from being a miserable lie, and Amanda is just angry she was caught as the scheming AH she is.” — Pharmacienne123
“NTA. Three babies all with different fathers and trying to pass one off to a different man. She knows how those are created right? Amanda has ruined her own life and unless this is a wake up call I don’t think the future is gonna change much” — Nowork_morestitching
“NTA.Amanda is the one that ruined her life. All you did was offer advice after he told you what was up. He didn’t have to take it.”
“But it’s good that he did now instead of always wondering and later finding out after getting married and adopting the other children.” — Peachypink07
So as Nick and Amanda go their own ways, OP can feel certain she isn’t the one to blame.