Interactions between families can be strange to some. Customs and traditions within the family can look weird to outsiders.
A Redditor has an issue with a tradition her husband’s family has. When the original poster (OP) voices her concern, her opinions are dismissed, and her husband gets upset.
OP isn’t sure she’s wrong for what she said, and decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit about it.
“AITA for telling my MIL and SILs they have to stop their ‘game’ if they want to be in my unborn baby’s life?”
What is this game her husband’s family plays?
“I am currently pregnant with a baby girl and super excited.”
“My husband comes from a very attractive family. I’d say genetic lottery and MIL seems to have very healthy self-esteem and passed it down to both SILs.”
“They have always played this ‘game’ which drives me crazy. They will just go up to the other one and in a really sweet tone with a dead pan expression insult their appearance.”
“Some examples include:”
“‘Keep eating that ice cream and we’ll all know why when daddy bangs his secretary’”
“‘Aww, is the cellulite?’”
“‘Mommy, oh my god I just have to tell you… the Botox isn’t working’”
“‘That dress is hideous I should have aborted you’”
“‘There is a reason your sister has a boyfriend and you don’t’”
“They all claim this is just a game. I’d say all three are way above average looking and know it, so maybe it really is.”
“When MIL isn’t playing this game, and the SILs aren’t playing dumb TikTok pranks, they are a very loving family. They are both really cuddly with their mom. They tell her everything, so maybe it really doesn’t phase them but i hate it.”
“I have struggled with body image and I don’t want this around my daughter. I’ve talked to my husband but he doesn’t see the issue.”
“He says I’m being controlling, so I finally just took the plunge and told them this ‘game’ is absolutely not allowed in front of my baby or any future kids. If I hear it we leave. If we have to keep leaving, we don’t come back.”
“MIL said ‘oh my god you are literally a crazy person’ and that was it, but my husband thinks I was rude.”
OP doesn’t want this insult game around her daughter, and tried to tell her husband’s family that. But did she go about it wrong, or are they just ignoring her?
Redditors judged whether OP was wrong by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP’s hesitancy over a game where people just insult each other is well founded, and many commenters agreed that it shouldn’t be around the new baby.
The final vote determined that OP was NTA.
“NTA. ‘Don’t normalize insulting people’s appearance in front of my child’ seems like a pretty low bar to set. If you were trying to enforce this policy all the time, and not just in front of your child, that would be controlling.”
“What you are doing is protecting your child the best way you know how from these toxic attitudes.” – Finn-Illusion
“To anyone who’s not an active and willing participant in this game these comments could be devastating to even be around. it sounds like its taken a toll on you as well.” – JBagginsKK
“NTA. How is this fun, exactly? And where does your husband get off on accusing you of being ‘rude’ when rudeness is literally the entire point of their ‘game’?”
“They may get entertainment out of being cruel to each other, but that’s not a value you need to pass on to your kid.” – mm172
“Hubby sounds used to this kind of behavior, but being a sensitive lil chonky child from the ages of 3+, I remember quite a bit of what cruel things people said about my weight and race.”
“Whether it was said directly or overheard. Kids remember a lot more than you think. Why would someone want to possibly harm the self confidence of a child over a game?” – BootyG0bIin
However, not everyone agreed. While it’s understandable that OP was uncomfortable with this game, it wasn’t her place to tell them to stop before her daughter is even born.
OP gave an ultimatum before even asking her husband’s family to not do this after the baby is born.
Some commenters pointed out their issues with OP’s ultimatum.
“I am actually going to say that YTA.”
“You don’t have a child yet and it doesn’t seem like they say this to you. The only problem you have with it is that you have low self-esteem and these people are attractive. Saying ‘genetic lottery’ kind of gave it away.”
“It would suck to hear an attractive group of people say, ‘Look how ugly you are’ to each other. But this is their dynamic, they are loving to one another outside of that, and they are not responsible for your past.”
“You are right to ask them not to say that to your child. But you don’t have a child yet. You jumped into an ultimatum without explaining where your thought process is.”
“I am absolutely against people speaking to me like that. But I cannot tell others not to have a weird dynamic. But I can explain why their language is causing me to feel a certain way and ask them to ammend it.” – melrory
“OP isn’t an AH for not wanting that talk around her child, but is definitely the AH for how she approached this situation.”
“I know plenty of best friends that have this sort of dynamic (definitely not toxic relationships, and some outgrew or lost interest in such a thing over time), and even when I had major body issues, as long as the comments weren’t directed at me, I didn’t care at all; it’s a totally different matter when you know a person is trying to be deliberately mean to another, but that’s not the case with these 3.”
“Plus adults tend to have a pretty good idea of what should and shouldn’t be said in front of a child (I don’t know anyone personally that even swears in front of kids, despite having a potty mouth when they’re out of earshot).
“It’s only if they did that in front of OP’s child that action should be taken. From the mom’s comment of calling OP crazy (and even the husband’s reaction) it sounds like OP wasn’t even calmly talking or trying to explain their reasons, just jumping at their throats and immediately making demands out of the blue; the ‘crazy pregnant lady’ trope comes to mind here.”
“If someone suddenly did that to me, I would definitely be offended compared to if the person just calmly stated their request (I wouldn’t even need to be given a reason why, just tell me what you need and don’t make threats as to what’ll happen if I don’t.)”
“Best way out of this is to have Husband explain and smooth things over with the family, and then OP and the 3 coming together for an apology session on both ends (discuss and make up).” – Not-A-Lonely-Potato
It’s not to say that OP shouldn’t voice her concerns, but a conversation with her husband’s family to explain would have been better than an ultimatum.