When people or children marry or remarry, the relationship between their new spouse and their children is always a major point of concern.
Sometimes, the children won’t make any attempt to become close to their new step-parent, feeling they are a constant reminder that their parent’s marriage didn’t work out.
Other times, however, they become instantly close, almost as if they were family all along.
Redditor throwwaway_88 luckily fell into the latter category with his step-children, having a great relationship with them from the get-go.
In fact, owing to several circumstances, the original poster had spent far more time with his step-children than he had with his biological son from his previous marriage.
When an opportunity came for the OP to finally reconnect with his son, he was somewhat surprised to receive considerable backlash from his wife and step-children about the matter.
Wondering if he was being insensitive to them, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for wanting to spend my birthday with my bio-son and not my step-children this year?”
The OP explained how his wife and children were not happy about his decision to spend a certain day with his son, despite not having seen him in person for years.
“My (53 M[ale]) wife (45 F[emale]) and I have been married for 10 years.”
“I have a bio-son from my previous marriage, Logan (28M) and 3 step-children with my wife (Mike 16 M, Lisa 14 F and Nina 12 F).”
“I haven’t seen my son since the pandemic started because he got stuck in another country.”
“We text, call and video call, but it’s not the same as having him here.”
“When flights were allowed again, he still couldn’t come since he got an amazing job opportunity and wanted to do his best.”
“It made me sad, because I miss my boy so much, however I understood that life is sometimes hard.”
“I love my step-children so much.”
“I call them my children and they call me dad, I’m only calling them step-children for the sake of the post.”
“They’re amazing kids and I’m really proud of them lot.”
“My birthdays are magical with them, lots of fun, games and food.”
“This year, Logan is coming to the US for a work trip that falls in my birthday week, to a city close to where we live.”
“My birthday is during a Tuesday and he’s coming Mondat to Friday.”
“He’s unable to make the drive here and there, so I said I’ll be coming to him since his company allows one free day per worker during that week and he asked for Tuesday.”
“This means I won’t be able to be here with the rest of my children since I’ll have to leave at 5 am and then I’ll be back around 10 or 11 pm.”
“They’re bummed and Mike said it was unfair of me to choose my bio-kid over them.”
“But as I see them, I have to choose either way.”
“My kids go to school in the morning, so we would celebrate after 2-3 pm, I can’t take them with me and Logan can’t come here.”
“It’s just a day for all these years I have been unable to see him and we can still do something together during the weekend.”
“I apologized, but said that my decision was final and at night, my wife said I was an a**hole and that I was no better than those step-parents who cast their step-children aside from the bio-kids, and that she knows I’ve always love Logan more, which is not true.”
“She says me going will damage my relationship with my step-kids forever.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Everyone agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for wanting to spend his birthday with his son.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s family were being thoughtless and unfair, with many pointing out that the OP’s wife didn’t seem to share the love for her step-son that the OP shared with all of her children.
“She says you’re one of those step parents who cast the step kids aside?”
“SHES one of those parents.”
“He’s her step son just as they are your step children.”
“The fact she doesn’t want you to go see him sounds like she’s trying to make sure her kids are MORE important rather than EQUALLY important.”
“Don’t let her stop you from seeing your boy.”
“And I guarantee you if you’ve been raising those kids right, they’ll come to understand when you explain it.”- Incognito_Girl9
“Your wife is tossing her step son aside for her bio kids.”
“She’s one of those parents.”
“NTA but your wife is.”- Green_Seat8152
“Why do all the most unreasonable people in the world all end up in stories on this subreddit?”
“You haven’t seen your son for over three years.”
“Celebrate your birthday on a different day this year with your step children.”
“Your wife, in particular, is being malicious.”
“It sounds like she’s trying to edge Logan out of your life permanently, in favor of your step kids.”-RighteousVengeance
“Your wife is playing a dirty game.”
“You should turn it right back around on her.”
“‘Why do you hate Logan?'”
“‘Why are you so desperate to keep him and I apart?'”
“‘Why are you sowing seeds of bitterness between him and his younger siblings?'”
“‘Why do you want to make him feel unloved and unwanted in our family?'”
“‘Why are you trying to destroy my relationship with our three youngest children?'”
“‘Why are you trying to destroy my happiness?'”
“What’s good for the goose.”- HardFastHeavy
“You wife is the hypocrite.”
“She is doing to your bio-son exactly what she is saying to you.”
“She cast her step-son aside from her bio-kids.”- TheDeadlyPandaGamer
“You literally only get one day to see your boy after years of not seeing him and now you’re getting shit from the people that get to see you everyday?”
“Your wife and step kids should be happy for you that you get to see your son again but instead they feel that he’s imposing on THEIR family.”
“Very telling how they really feel about your son.”
“Your wife guilting you about damaging your relationship with step kids forever is just a power trip, hoping you damage your relationship with your son forever instead.”
“Your wife wants you to show her that she means more than your first marriage.”
“Don’t for one second think she doesn’t enjoy having him gone and step kids getting you all to themselves.”
“Please go spend your birthday with your son.”- This_Hybrid_Moment
“NTA I think it’s really selfish of your wife to ask you not to see your son who you haven’t seen in four years for her children who you see every day.”
“Then to make you feel guilty because for not putting her children first is really selfish.”
“I think it’s weird that she would ask you to prioritize hers kids over yours.”
“I think you should ask why they feel it’s OK to prioritize what they want and what they desire on your birthday.”- lovinglybeingme
“I’m gonna let Mike’s comments slide because he’s a hormonal teenager whose prefrontal cortex is still developing.”
“Your wife is 100% the a**hole in this situation, because she can’t empathize with you or Logan.”
“This incident won’t damage your relationship with your kids, she will.”
“She sounds vindictive and unpleasant.”
“Hope you have an ironclad prenup.”- enceinte-uno
“Your wife is an AH and completely lacks empathy.”
“The age difference in your kids and the timeline with your wife makes me think that your oldest hasn’t spent much time with his step family so your step kids have come to the conclusion that their physical presence makes them more important.”
“Mike’s comment about it not being ‘fair’ is the one that bothers me.”
“He’s old enough to know that you don’t always get everything you want and should be able to understand you wanting to spend time with your older son.”
“Sit down with your step kids and explain that you are their dad and they are your babies, but Logan is your baby, too.”
“It’s a birthday present to yourself to see the baby you haven’t seen in so long.”
“To imagine if they had not seen you or their mother in years.”
“Then when you get the chance to meet find out that their siblings don’t want you to see them because they don’t think it’s fair even though they see them everyday.”
“You know it sucks that they might not see you on your birthday, but you’ll absolutely do something with them the weekend before/after.”- Natural_Garbage7674
It seems fairly clear, if only by their disappointment in not getting to spend his birthday with him, that the OP has been a devoted and loving father to his step-children.
Making it more than a little surprising that they would be so against his taking a rare opportunity to see his son, who he hasn’t seen in nearly two years.
One can only hope that with a little pause for thought, they all might come to understand how much this means to him.
Particularly his wife, who should think about her relationship with Logan the next time she sees her husband with her children.