There are few greater joys in life than becoming a parent.
Which isn’t to say that becoming a parent doesn’t come with more than its fair share of challenges. Specifically, the complete and utter lack of sleep for at least the first two years of a baby’s life.
In a two-parent household, most parents try to ensure that late nights and early mornings are equitably divided. Sadly, not all parents are quite so reasonable.
A recent Redditor and her husband recently became first-time parents.
While they initially came up with what seemed like a workable solution to ensuring they both got enough sleep, the original poster (OP)’s husband slowly began shirking those responsibilities.
Eventually leading the OP to confront him.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my husband to suck it up regarding newborn sleep?”
The OP explained why they felt they needed to give their husband a reality check:
“DH and I have been together 10 years and have a week-old baby.”
“He sleeps reasonably well for a newborn, and is breast fed.”
“I do 100% of the nighttime wakes, and am usually up 2+ hours a night with Bub.”
“DH gets 7 solid hours of sleep, and I ask that he take Baby from 7 to 9 every morning so I can get a functional amount of sleep.”
“I also settle the baby and put him to bed every night.”
“So there is no reason DH couldn’t go to bed an hour sooner than he does.”
“Every. Single. Day. My husband complains about how tired he is, and now he is starting to try to shirk the morning shift.”
“AITA for telling him I want him to shove the complaining, embrace the suck of caring for this newborn that he also very much wanted, and take the morning shift?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for confronting her husband about his complaining.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP’s husband needed the reality check she threw in his face, as he needed to accept that becoming a parent came with challenges, including a fair amount of interrupted sleep.
“NTA.”
“Having a baby is obviously a major adjustment but it’s something he needs to approach with an ‘all in this together’ attitude, not a ‘woe is me’ one.”- revengeofthebiscuit
“He gets SEVEN uninterrupted hours of sleep with a one-week-old?”
“My mind is blown that he could possibly complain that isn’t enough.”
“True insanity.”
“How does he expect that you’re functioning right now with only interrupted sleep?”
“NTA but your husband is majorly.”- damo7367
“NTA.”
“Isn’t he a lucky man to have someone who will come onto the internet to ask for opinions instead of causing him grievous bodily harm for complaining when he’s getting a full night’s sleep?”- International-Fee255
“NTA.”
“My husband sleeps separately.”
“Our 3-week-old consistently is up around 5:30 for a feed.”
“My husband told me he will get up at 5:30 to take her while I get some more sleep.”
“I didn’t ask, he took the initiative as a parent to, well, parent.”
“That’s what a partnership should look like.”
“Your spouse isn’t being your partner.”- twisted_memories
“NTA.”
“He is supposed to be giving you at least four hours of uninterrupted sleep per 24-hour period.”
“He’s being completely crazy.”
“Can you speak to his mom?”
“Maybe start waking him up every time with the baby so he experiences what you’re experiencing.”- No-Sea1173
“Normally I would say, newborns are just stressful for everyone.”
“Not this time.”
“NTA.”
“Man up, DH.”
“Yeah, it’s not fun, but you have the option to get those 8 hours.”
“Mom doesn’t.”
“Accept that PARENTING A CHILD is going to disrupt your previous routine, and show up to your 7am shift without grumbling.”- Sensitive_Coconut339
“It’s really important to start how you mean to carry on.”
“It’s very easy for moms to start just ‘doing it myself and it’s easier than directing/fighting’ but that can build bad habits.”
“I would say he needs to do more, not less, and you need to be clear and firm about it.”
“Also, make sure you’re getting some time for self-care.”
“Is completely fine to whine and complain to each other- a newborn is a lot of work.”
“I wouldn’t make him feel guilty about that, but if he actually shirking his duties, that’s a hard boundary.”
“NTA.”- Separate-Debate3839
“Totally NTA.”
“I would be pissed off too.”
“Babies are exhausting even when they finally sleep through the night.”
“That’s one thing I don’t miss now that I have teens.”- username-generica
“NTA.”
“I would sit down and have a serious conversation and ask him exactly what were his expectations for sharing care work when the two of you decided to have this baby.”
“The sleep thing is tough, but it’s what he signed up for, and it’s totally unfair for him to push it on to you and not to do his share.”
“You need to have this conversation now, or resentment will grow and hurt your relationship.”-turndownforwomp
“NTA.”
“Sounds like DH needs to get a taste of what this is actually like.”
“Start waking him up with you.”- Taleof2poes
“NTA.”
“He has the easier job.”- BagOfSmallerBags
“NTA.”
“That is his child too and he needs to step up and grow up.”
“7 hrs is a great amount of sleep when you have a newborn.”
“You need sleep as well.”
“Your brain and body will just shut down from lack of sleep.”
“He should have that baby more then just 2 hours.”- Buckupbuttercup1
“NTA!”
“Sorry to say this, but your husband is a selfish child, hang in there mama.”- Kaytie_kat4216
“NTA.”
“It’s his kid too.”
“You need, and he should want you to have a period of uninterrupted sleep to stay functional as a caretaker.”- o2low
“I would’ve done horrible things for even three hours if straight sleep at that point.”
“Does your husband know how much you’re up with the baby each night?”
“Maybe he needs to take one night shift.”
“Unfortunately, being tired and sleep-deprived is part of having a newborn.”
“And anyone with basic knowledge about kids show know that.”
“Tell him to buck up and he can sleep when the kid is older.”
“NTA.”- oopsiedaisy–
“NTA.”
“’Having a child is inconvenient for me so I’m only going to participate when it’s convenient and I’m comfy’,” is not a part of parenting.”
“Yes, everyone is tired.”
“No, you don’t get to dump nearly all of it on your wife.”- RainInTheWoods
“NTA.”
“Does he not understand how parenting, and marriages for that matter, work?”
“Very red flag behavior from him.”- OldSaggytitBiscuits
“NTA.”
“He needs to suck it up.”
‘My husband was working as a surgeon when we had our first born and he’d come at 6pm (when not on call) and look after the baby until midnight/1am so I could have a solid block of sleep before the night feedings.”
“He never complained about it once.”- hijabibarbie
“NTA.”
“Your husband sucks.”
“A lot.”- photosbeersandteach
“You cannot hide the hard parts of parenting from your husband.”
“Right now he’s being shielded from them.”
“So he believes his level of tired is the same as yours because he is the most tired he’s ever been.”
“He’s just not nearly as tired as he could be, and in my opinion, should be.”
“With our first, the nighttime feedings and wakings were difficult for us both.”
“As a result, I started pumping it after a week.”
“It wasn’t much, but they don’t eat much of that age, only an ounce or two.”
“Basically, I got enough milk during the day that at night, my husband was able to give the baby a bottle.”
“And I pumped instead.”
“That gave us enough milk for the next feeding.”
“So three hours later, we did it again.”
“This meant we both got to go back to sleep after about 30 minutes instead of one person being up for over an hour.”
“I breast-fed the rest of the time.”
“But this early introduction into a bottle helped my son adjust to daycare, and the pumping at night actually helped me build an oversupply of milk for when I return to work.”
“But of course you are NTA for telling your husband to buck up, buttercup.”- PracticalPrimrose
“NTA.”
“7 hours with a newborn would make me convert religions.”- wowserbowsermauser
“NTA.”
“He helped make the baby, he can take the morning shift.”- mrik85
Parenting isn’t easy.
It also goes without saying that a lack of sleep will affect one’s happiness and overall function, making the OP’s husband’s feelings more or less unavoidable.
That being said, considering that the OP’s wife is even more sleep-deprived, after enduring childbirth and needing to breastfeed their baby, it’s hard to sympathize with her husband’s predicament.