Most of us have had a dining experience where the serving was less than stellar, perhaps because of long wait times, messed-up orders, or unfriendly attitudes.
But every once in a while, we might even come across a restaurant server who seems pointedly, intentionally, unkind, and that can really ruin someone’s appetite, sympathized the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Intelligent_Truth_95 was in her third trimester of pregnancy and was unusually welcomed by a restaurant server when she walked into a raw bar to meet up with her husband and a friend.
But when the server repeatedly commented on her pregnancy and how she helped her husband navigate the menu, the Original Poster (OP) began to feel like the comments were personal.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for snapping and asking our server, ‘Would you like us to order less?'”
The OP had a strange encounter with a restaurant server at a raw bar.
“I am 34 weeks pregnant. After work today, I met up with a friend and my husband at a raw bar for oysters and beer.”
“I can’t have either of those things right now, but I was happy just to be out.”
“I walked in a few minutes after them, just as they were being greeted by the server.”
“When I walked up, she looked at me and said, ‘I see you waddling up; you can’t eat here!'”
“I laughed it off (I assume this was just an off-color joke) and told her I was happy just to hang out.”
The restaurant server commented on the OP again while she helped her husband with the menu.
“After ordering drinks, my husband started talking with her about the oyster selection.”
“I introduced my husband to oysters a few years ago. When I’m not pregnant, going out for oysters and beers is one of our things. I normally order the oysters, as he doesn’t know much about the different types and how the flavor changes by region.”
“It’s not a big deal, it’s just something I know more about. He normally chooses our beers, because that’s something he knows more about.”
“So, after the server told us about the different choices, I started discussing them with my husband and telling him which ones I thought he would like (our friend ordered other raw bar items, but didn’t want oysters).”
“The server seemed annoyed by this and made a comment about how I was being ‘bossy.'”
“I ignored her, ordered the oysters for my husband, and made no other comments on anything else that was ordered for the table.”
When the restaurant server commented again, the OP pushed back.
“After the first round of food, my husband wanted more oysters, so he called the server back over. He asked me to tell her which oysters he liked, so he could get more.”
“This is where things went south.”
“At his request, I ordered for him. The server, looking very annoyed, said that I was ‘pushing him around’ and then said, ‘I hope you come back when you’re not pregnant so I can get to know the real you.'”
“I snapped. At first, I thought maybe she was trying to be funny, but something about her last comment really hit me hard.”
“I asked pointedly, ‘Would you like us to order less?'”
“She got quiet, walked away, and a new server helped us for the rest of our night.”
The OP felt conflicted after the fact.
“Now, I do think she was out of line, but pregnancy hormones are real, and I worry I should have just seen this as harmless clowning and not snapped at her.”
“Our friend says I was in the right, and my husband says it wasn’t worth engaging in.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that the restaurant server was impolite and unprofessional.
“NTA.”
“What she said was impolite and unprofessional. She should’ve just done her job instead of making unwanted comments.” – dancinginthelowlight
“‘She looked at me and said, ‘I see you waddling up; you can’t eat here!'”
“She was already out of line right there. And making comments about you being bossy or pushing your husband around was completely out of line. I’ve never heard a single server making such a comment to anyone. It warrants calling the manager over.”
“You are totally NTA.” – Winternin
“NTA. Yeah, that was out of line, and it just progressed. You being bossy, even if you were, that’s none of her business, and she definitely doesn’t need to comment on it.”
“For someone who works for tips, she just kept shooting herself in the foot. All of that warrants a very low tip and a talk with the manager. I wouldn’t want someone working for me that thinks it’s OK and professional to make comments like that.” – Vandreeson
“I can’t even f**king… Look, we have an almost two-year-old and a two-month-old… I can’t even IMAGINE my reaction if someone said something about my pregnant wife ‘waddling.’ How it even got beyond that is crazy.”
“NTA, but also, say that s**t first thing. Holy h**l, people just all kinds of comfortable out here, disrespecting folks to their faces.” – PaulMichaelJordan64
“OP should have also made a complaint to the manager. That server was downright rude.” – Existing_Proposal655
“If you saw a waitress treating someone else badly, would you not want someone to stick up for them? Your husband says it’s not worth engaging. That attitude is a part of what’s wrong with the world today.”
“You don’t have to create a big scene, but letting people be bullies isn’t cool, either. Enabling bullies because he doesn’t want to bother is pretty s**tty. He should have spoken up. Both of you should have spoken to the manager. Not just for your own sake, but if they treated you like that, you are standing up for the others that assuredly will be too.”
“Her comments were so beyond acceptable; I think your brain is trying to make excuses for it because it’s so unacceptable that it’s hard to believe.” – Wwwwwwhhhhhhj
Others wondered if the restaurant server had a bias against pregnant women.
“I feel like it went past playful banter from jump with the waddling comment. I’m 33 weeks pregnant, and I don’t think my husband would dare say ‘waddling,’ and we can joke about almost anything.” – justtosubscribe
“It almost seems like she was putting down the wife purposely, so it makes me wonder if she either thought she had a chance with the husband or freakishly hates pregnant women. It was so obviously targeted that there’s definitely something behind it, even if something delusional.” – CJaneNorman
“NTA. Either she has an issue with pregnant women or women in general, OR she was looking forward to flirting with your husband, and you ‘ruined’ it by showing up.”
“Either way, you should have contacted the manager; she was completely out of line.” – CharismaticAlbino
“Exactly, that server wasn’t joking; she was being flat-out rude. ‘Waddling in’? That’s not banter, that’s disrespect. If you can’t treat a pregnant customer like a normal human being, maybe customer service isn’t your calling.” – SnackOverflowll
“Don’t sugarcoat it. The server was rude and snarky as f**k. And when she got called out on it, she went and got another server to finish serving them for the night.”
“The server set the mood with her first snark, ‘I see you waddling in; you can’t eat here.’ She didn’t want her there for whatever reason.”
“Maybe she figured that she was going to eat raw food and drink beer with them. While seriously not recommended, there is no law against it, either. And no reason for the server to be so snarky.” – Misa7_2006
Some theorized that the server felt the OP threatened her future tip or work flirt.
“My two cents? She’s the flirt, and she wants the husband’s interactions.” – EireNuaAli
“You came in after your husband? To me, it reads like she was trying to make a play for him, and she was extremely rude and inconvenienced by your presence. First, commenting on your walk and then trying to say not once but twice that you’re overbearing.”
“NTA.” – drcssm
“See, I had another thought. There is a certain brand of woman who despises the attention pregnant women get. They are super weird about pregnancy because they are kind of jealous, but not of the pregnancy itself, if that makes sense?”
“I’ve been pregnant multiple times, so I’ve been subject to that behavior. I only fully understood the reasons myself when one of those ladies got pregnant and milked it for alllll the attention. Where before she’d b*tched about pregnant ladies touching their stomachs, she was doing it from day one. Talking about baby names, how they were gonna raise the kid ad nauseam. Refusing to carry anything heavier than a laptop. And on and on.”
“So with that experience, the waitress reminds me of that. They cannot stop mentioning the pregnancy and centering it in conversation even if the pregnant woman herself doesn’t talk about it.” – Impossible_Top_3515
“As a former server who liked to joke with guests, the ‘You can’t eat here’ part of the ‘joke’ was the only thing that was funny (assuming it was said in a joking tone). Everything else was WAY out of line to say to a complete stranger.”
“There are only a few things I can think of that would explain the server’s behavior, none of which justify it or are even remotely professional:”
“1. OP was, perhaps unknowingly, talking the husband out of ordering the more expensive oysters.”
“2. The server is someone who takes minor things personally and was offended that OP was educating her husband on the oyster selection better than the server (which is dumb).”
“3. The server was attracted to OP’s husband.”
“4. The server prefers to wait on all-male tables so she can be flirty to earn more tips (doesn’t mean she’s attracted to the guys she waits on).”
“5. OP killed the server’s favorite pet (completely random, but so was the server’s nearly outright hostility since OP ‘waddled up’ to the table).”
“6. An even wilder theory in the dining industry: she’s the one server in history who doesn’t want or like tips, because she was behaving like she clearly didn’t want one.”
“NTA.” – velvety_chaos
The subReddit was shocked by how the OP was treated and the fact that she was second-guessing her reaction, while her husband felt that no altercation had been needed.
Though they didn’t know why, everyone agreed that the restaurant server had an issue with the OP, and rather than leaving it at the door, she brought it right to the table, to the point that she had to be assigned to another section. If you can’t be professional, you have to let someone else do it.