Redditor Bulky_Put8607 is a parent and recently their 8-year-old son had to have a surgery and undergo anesthesia.
The Original Poster (OP’s) son unfortunately had a bit of complication with the anesthesia causing blood pressure issues as well as a panic as he woke up.
The OP’s ex-wife invited her new husband, stepsons, and parents to the hospital.
While the ex and her family were supportive in sentiment, bringing balloons and presents, their presence quickly turned into a problem for the OP.
This issue escalated, bringing out profanities and anger.
Eventually the OP turned to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) to check his behavior.
He asked:
“AITA for telling people to get the f*ck out of a hospital room?”
He went on to explain:
“My 8 [year-old] son Jackson needed to have his tonsils removed and the surgery was scheduled for Monday. Since it was a week away, my ex and I told our family about it.”
“The day of the surgery, it was just me and the ex at the hospital. It took an hour to prep him and the actual surgery was like 30 minutes.”
“There were some complications like his blood pressure dropped too low probably because of the anesthesia which was the first warning sign that the anesthesia didn’t mix well with him.”
“The doctor said the nurses were getting him to his room and checking vitals and we could see him in 30 minutes.”
“Out of the blue, my ex’s parents, her husband and his two kids came in. They had balloons and presents and I felt like they were overdoing it but whatever.”
“I was pissed that she didn’t tell me that they were coming.”
“A few minutes after that, a nurse came and said he needed ‘dad’ because Jackson was hysterical from the anesthesia.”
“Most of the time kids are zonked out but my son was crying and screaming for me.”
“I had never seen him like that. Like he was on meth or something. I cuddled and comforted him and then the circus came through the door.”
“My ex brought in everyone and they were loud. Jackson didn’t recognize them and started freaking out.”
“His stepbrothers started laughing and recording it, his stepdad kept trying to kiss him and his grandparents were just obnoxious.”
“I told everyone if they could pipe down because Jackson was getting upset. My ex told me not to be rude and I said then get the f*ck out.”
“I didn’t invite any of these people into the room. You did. Her mom said ‘yes we were invited.’ I said get out. All of you before I have you thrown out. Everyone but my ex left.”
“My ex is still expecting me to apologize to everyone. I’m open to having a conversation but I’m not apologizing if they can’t acknowledge my experience. I was totally rude but so were they.”
“I am also pissed that my ex invited everyone without even telling me. This isn’t some school play.”
“And no my son has no memory between the time they drugged him at 8am until 4pm when he sobered up.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA. I’m surprised they even let that many people in, I’ve been to hospitals that will have a limit of how many people can visit a patient at one time.” – Irdgafbra
“Oh, hell no. NTA NTA NTA. Coming out of anesthesia is one of the freakiest and most vulnerable things a person can experience.”
“I’m an adult and I’ve: punched a nurse because I thought I’d been abducted; screamed at a nurse about why I was in so much pain; made a series of not-very-appropriate blonde jokes…”
“…had the same conversation with a doctor multiple times and accused him of lying when he told me we’d had the same conversation three times already.”
“I’m shocked the hospital allowed such a crowd in. After each of my surgeries, no one’s been allowed into my room until I gave the OK…”
“…in your son’s case, the staff should not have allowed anyone in until you gave them the OK. I’d be raising holy hell with the administration about that.”
“Maybe your ex bullied them, but I’d still be pissed about that.” – benji950
“NTA – His steps RECORDED your son while he was having a reaction because they thought it was funny???”
“That is completely inappropriate. They owe your son an apology.” – AureliaCottaSPQR
“NTA. You did what you needed to do to support and advocate for your son. Your ex was wrong to invite the whole clan.”
“They were not reading the situation and were only concerned about what ‘they’ wanted not the betterment of your son.”
“As someone else responded, they should have asked when it was okay for visitors.”
“I raised a family member with a chronic life-threatening condition into adulthood. I would have absolutely lost my sh*t on everyone if they ever pulled that crap.”
“Luckily everyone knew and asked when to visit in my case. You had every right to go to the hospital staff to throw everyone out as you had said that you would if they continued.”
“Also, people want nice reactions but in a hospital, things change too quickly and niceties are the first to go.”
“Your son’s reaction necessitated the throw away of being nice in your response.” – CapsFan1066
“NTA.”
“Your ex should have checked in with you and Jackson BEFORE bringing the whole family in. If she had done that, this whole situation would have been avoided.”
“Just a simple ‘Hey is he ready to see visitors yet?'” – 7hr0wn
“I’d be tempted to send them a ‘not’ apology like ‘I’m sorry you were offended I asked you to get out when you thought it was alright to barge in on my son…'”
“‘…who was severely upset and having a medical reaction and then film and make fun of him for his condition and traumatize him.’ Jesus I can see why she’s you ex… NTA.” – KimB-booksncats-11
“NTA.”
“You’re the parent of a kid who’s terrified and having an episode from a bad medication reaction.”
“You’re entirely within your rights to be an a-hole to people making it worse. So much NTA.” – GearsRollo80
“I’m so sorry you and your son had to deal with all that when you’re already stressed by the medical situation. You are absolutely NTA here.”
“Your ex is a moron. I’m glad your son doesn’t remember, but if he did, he would probably never trust his mom again for putting him in that situation.”
“You did not overreact at all, IMO.” – thatisnotacceptable
“Haven’t seen anyone mention it yet but if you haven’t already then demand all copies of the stepbrothers recordings are destroyed.”
“NTA your son doesn’t deserve any of those AHs in his life” – IllDoItNowInAMinute_
“Why should you apologise? They were freaking the kid out. They should be apologising.”
“NTA” – NatashOverWorld
“NTA”
“I’m so glad your son doesn’t remember his family members bombarding him, because that is a terrible way to treat a recovering child.”
“Thank you so much for getting everyone out of there for him.” – fishstyxz
“NTA”
“The priority is the patient.”
“I can’t imagine coming round from an anesthetisia and finding a room full of people. Feeling vulnerable and probably with pain.”
“That is me as an adult. For a child with I suspect first time having an operation.”
“Yup fair enough to invite but you discuss with partner and child before. Plus at very least a call just before you leave to visit make sure patient is up for a visit.” – Pleasant-Squirrel220
“NTA. Your Ex is an idiot. You don’t invite a group of people to visit right after major surgery.”
“A tonsillectomy is no joke and while kids usually do well, the recovery is a beating.” – 1Preschoolteacher
“NTA Make sure exes stepsons didn’t upload video to internet making fun of him. You might have to see a lawyer to get it taken down if they did.” – wlfwrtr
“NTA – videotaping him!!!! How awful.”
“Imo when a patient has somewhat recovered and feels well and is up for visitors, based on their energy, fine…”
“…but to pop in post-op when they’re still getting out of anesthesia is just too much, that defies logic and consideration.”
“You were in your right to clear the room and it’s too bad your ex didn’t see it that way as well. I would not apologize.” – gnatdump6
“i thought I was going to call you the a**hole but no.”
“The steps started recording it? What a gross invasion of privacy. The stepfather should have dealt with that.”
“The situation was overwhelming for your son and he didn’t need the circus.”
“This reaction to anaesthetic is not uncommon. Been there.”
“NTA” – Dogmother123
“NTA”
“Medical procedures and recovery are not spectator sports. It’s not about them, the recovery and comfort of your son comes first regardless of their feelings.” – Traditional-Mirror65
“NTA. I actually woke up from anesthesia the same way as your son I was hysterical and panicked I shoved a nurse into the wall (I was 18 but had never been put under before)…”
“…it was absolutely horrid of an experience and the worst part is I actually remember it. The disorientation was rough.”
“My daughter also woke up like this after surgery and just cried in my husband’s arms. It was literally just me and my husband and I never would have brought anyone else in.”
“Surgery is not a spectator sport it’s a medical event that should be private and calm. Your ex is the AH” – Dark_Huntress6387
Reddit seemed to be in agreement that the father did what he felt was best to advocate for his son in such a vulnerable moment. Tensions run high and his response was understandable in the moment. Hopefully, cooler heads will prevail now that he’s out of the woods and into recovery.