The job of a parent is to keep their kids safe, and teach them to be responsible. What that means to you may change from person to person.
Redditor gejwoennd is trying to instill his ideas of healthy eating in his daughter. But the original poster’s (OP) ideas are coming into conflict with his wife’s.
She’s calling OP out, and he’s unsure if he’s in the wrong, so decides to ask the “Am I the A**hole” subReddit.
He questions his parenting by asking:
“AITA I am not letting my daughter eat too much cheese”
This is what OP is trying to prevent:
“My(37M[ale]) 12 yo daughter is very picky. She likes cheese on everything.”
“She’s not overweight but it’s obviously not good for her health to eat cheese on everything. Weight isn’t everything and blood cholestrol shoots up easily.”
“So I decided to stop giving her cheese in any form except for twice a week and then reduce it to once a week. I’ve been giving her only complex carbs and vegetables. I enrolled her into the sport she likes the most, boxing.”
“She often asks me if she can have cheese an extra time a week but I refuse and give her something else. I think she liked the creamy texture so I’ve been getting her the vegan alternatives to cheese when she wants it really bad and she’s happy with it.”
“My wife however told me that I’m forcing my daughter to give up something she loves eating. I told her what she loves isn’t that good for her besides, I’m not cutting it out completely from her diet. I’m just minimizing it.”
“My wife is mad at me and isn’t talking to me for the past 4 days.”
OP seems very concerned about his daughter’s cheese intake for some reason, and chose to limit it. His wife isn’t speaking to him making him wonder if he’s wrong.
To find out, commenters judge OP by including one of the following in their responses.
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP seems intent on severely limiting what his daughter eats. We’re not sure why he felt that the amount of cheese she was eating was unhealthy, but trying to limit it to once a week feels a little extreme.
The commenters agreed that OP was wrong, and his wife is right.
“YTA. Preventing kids from having foods they like can cause them to develop an eating disorder. Or at the very least unhealthy relationships with food.”
-“I’ve been getting her the vegan alternatives to cheese when she wants it really bad and she’s happy with it.”-
“Dear God, vegan cheese is so much more unhealthy. Often far more saturated fat, full of preservatives, reduced B12, chemicals to emulate the texture of cheese, etc. It’s basically cheese-flavored plastic.”
“For all utensil purposes, this decision is the worst of all.” – iMESSupCOMMONphrases
“YTA. Not only are you giving your daughter a food complex, but of all the food in the world cheese is hardly the worst thing. It’s actually an excellent source of protein and calcium (great for growing muscles and bones).”
“You say she eats mostly vegetables and exercises regularly, so as long as she’s doing that and her doctor doesn’t think anything’s wrong then I don’t think a little extra cheese is going to kill her.” – OneHappyOne
“YTA: My god, this is how you start giving your child body image issues and an eating disorder. Unless she is lactose and only eating blocks of cheese, let her eat the cheese.”
“If her doctor says to cut back by all means, but going from every day to once a week because you’re scared of ‘cholesterol’ in your 12 is bizarre. Your wife has every right not to speak with you.”
‘Plus given by what you say (and im not a doctor or therapist) but you might consider seeing if she potentially is on the spectrum as extreme picky eating and her obsession sounds like she could be neurodivergent and cheese could be her safe food. Again not a doctor but it’s something to consider.” – alreadyovereacting
Other commenters focused on OP’s insistence that this was not related to his daughter’s weight. But who would be so concerned about a 12-year-old’s “cholesterol?”
They questioned OP’s real motives.
“YTA. She’s 12 and you’re worried about her cholesterol? Come on, man. She is clearly active, you said she’s not overweight.”
“Let your daughter eat what she wants. You are DEFINITELY the AH.” – TakeCover86
“Says it isnt about the weight but cuts out cheese and then enrolled her into a sport ..bc ‘cholesterol’ at f***ing 12.” – Anxious-Walk2955
“You have your daughter on a diet whether you want to admit it or not. A diet that she doesn’t need and that you didn’t clear with a nutritionist or pediatrician.”
“Kids need more than complex carbs and vegetables in their diet. Plus you are giving her vegan cheese filled with processed ingredients and then acting as if you actually care about health.”
“Given her participation in sports she also needs more food. And it is growth spurt time which also increases food needs.”
“Your wife just needs to tell you no and feed the kid. She doesn’t need your permission.” – sheramom4
“YTA – just let her have some cheese. She’s not overweight and she’s not having cheese related issues. Let her have it.”
“I thought it was going to be something like how my daughter is. She loves cheese but it makes Her physically sick to eat cheese.”
“She also cannot have milk at all but will not stop drinking milk. I don’t understand it, but we refuse to keep milk in the house at all.”
“Her mother buys milk all the time then wonders why she’s always sick over there.” – KandiJoe
OP’s situation is fully caused by his own choices. He seems to have strange ideas about what is good for his daughter.
Too much of anything can be bad, but forcibly limiting his daughter like this can’t be healthy.