When family members steal from you, it’s such a difficult spot to be in. You’re torn between your love for them and holding them accountable.
47-year-old Reddit user 1573153___ found himself in a really awful situation when his stepson stole something from his daughter.
Faced with a difficult situation, he turned to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” for validation on his chosen course of action.
He asked:
“AITA For pressing charges when my stepson took something my daughter inherited from her mother?”
Our original poster, or OP, set up the situation:
“I been with my wife for 2 years. She has a 21-year-old son. I have a 14-year-old daughter from my previous marriage.”
“My late wife passed away in 2014. She left a few things for our daughter. Including a gold jewelry set.”
“Her mom was devastated she didn’t get to gift the set to our daughter on her wedding day.”
“I keep it in my closet since it’s expensive and my daughter is too young to have it. I’ll hopefully gift it to her on her wedding.”
OP’s stepson discovered the jewelry set and prompted a conversation with OP:
“Last week. We were sitting in the kitchen when my stepson was hesitant to ask me something.”
“We’re on good terms but have our fair share of arguments.”
“He said his fiancèe was taking something from his mother’s and my closet. She saw the jewelry set and liked it very much.”
“He asked if he could borrow it so his fiancèe can wear it at her cousin’s wedding.”
“I found this unacceptable I told him his fiancèe had no business being in the bedroom and that the jewelry isn’t mine.”
“It’s for my daughter. He asked me if my daughter will agree to let him borrow it if he talked to her. I told him not to even talk about it again.”
“He got all pissed and said things I do not remember.”
It seems like OP’s stepson went behind his back, however:
“Saturday night. When he and his fiancèe were at the wedding. I discovered that the jewelry set was gone.”
“I told my wife and we looked all over the house. I called my stepson to tell him about calling the police because I really thought someone stole the set.”
“He said there was no need. That he borrowed it and will return it after they get back from the wedding.”
“I yelled at him and told him to come back with it right then. I kept calling him til 12am when he told me to stop calling and that he’d bring it in the morning.”
OP had a really rough night awaiting the set:
“I couldn’t sleep that night, I felt terrible. In the morning he showed up at 10am. He didn’t bring it and started stalling saying: ‘he forgot’- ‘he’d bring it the next day’.”
“At this point it was clear he gifted it to his fiancèe and was stalling. I got so mad I told him I will be pressing charges if he doesn’t return the set today.”
“We got into an argument. My wife said his fiancee was the one who wanted the jewelry set.”
“But he was the one who took it and it’s not even mine, it’s my daughter’s which made it worse.”
“Because I’m responsible for whatever happens to it.”
Afterwards, OP was unclear if he’d done the right thing:
“His grandparents berated me after I told them this and got mad and defended him when I said that I will be pressing charges.”
“He stole and needed to be responsible for his actions. He didn’t respond to my final calls so now I’ve given him one last chance and it’s over.”
“I pressed charges today. They’re saying calling the police was extreme and cruel. They’re all convincing me to back down.”
“AITA for pressing charges?”
OP felt the situation was never being taken seriously from the get-go:
“He was replying to me sarcastically when I said I’d get the authorities involved and he didn’t take me seriously.”
“His mom said she’d try to talk to him but I had enough of him stalling hoping I’ll just let it go, so he can make his fiancèe happy.”
“I feel like an irresponsible idiot. I can’t even look at my daughter without feeling frustrated and infuriated.”
“I’m hurt but what’s worse is that this is my daughter’s property that I couldn’t take care of.”
“My wife allows them into the room although I told her not to several times they’re not kids and there should be some boundaries.”
“I just needed to mention that we’re in Europe.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors agreed that OP was not to blame.
“My mom died in 2015 and all I have left of her is her jewelry, it means the world to me. OP would be the A if he backs down from family pressure, this is straight up theft and his stepson is human filth for taking something that doesn’t belong to him and is an heirloom.”
“He stole from a 14 year old girl. He deserves to suffer the consequences of his actions, especially when OP gave him many chances to give it back.”
“He’s not because he thinks OP will back down. Do this for your daughter OP, she’s already gone through enough she doesn’t need to lose a part of her mom all over again. NTA.”~mandy_skittles
“I lost my mother in 1993 and I’ve got her entire jewelry box because I was her only child.”
“OP, when you have this set back, keep it in a safe-deposit box at a bank, or possibly in a home safe that you and your daughter are the only ones to know the combination.”
“Also, know that your daughter’s stepmother won’t have her back once you’re gone, so think about what impact that can have in her future life.”
“Honestly, if this were something that had happened to my Dad, he wouldn’t have pressed charges, he would’ve shown up at the wedding and beat the crap out of the asshole who stole it.”
“OP is NTA but the stepson and anyone saying that pressing charges was the wrong thing are definitely AH.”
“It’s some entitled bullshit to see something that doesn’t belong to you and decide you’re going to ‘borrow’ it; but it’s on a whole other level when it’s something that belonged to a girl’s dead mother.”~tyedyehippy
“NTA, OP. You should definitely press charges. You step-son is a thief and an asshole to talk to you like that after stealing your daughter’s irreplaceable heirloom jewelry.”
“His mother and her family are enabling him. You should seriously re-examine your relationship with all of them because they are not a good influence on your daughter.”
“And your wife doesn’t respect you or your marriage since she completely ignored your boundaries by allowing your stepson and his fiance to riffle through your private property in your own home. Unacceptable.”~StillSwaying
“Your wife’s family does not care about you or your daughter. They’re only concerned about your stepson. You are NTA.”
“You gave him plenty of chances to return the jewelry and he refused. I would press charges on both of them.”
“They both went through your personal belongings they both chose to take the jewelry without permission and they are both refusing to return it.”
“Your wife is also an a**hole for raising an a**hole son who is thief. The wishes and memory of your deceased wife were pissed on and that deserves repercussions of the highest degree.”
“Do not back down and do not drop the charges.”~ambusch33
Thievery is inexcusable, no matter how much other family members protest.
“NTA – You gave the son every opportunity to return the jewelry. Let the cops sort out the culpability of son and fiancée.”
“And get a safe deposit box. Mom’s and the granparents’ attitudes show that this isn’t going to be the last thing that goes missing.”~fuzzy_mic
“Everybody here is assuming that he will get it back, but the fact that the stepson has not yet returned it would suggest there is a significant chance that part of the set was lost or damaged.”
“How easy would it be for the girlfriend to have gotten drunk, got her moves on and lost an ear-ring?”
“So OP would have to think that he may still be in a position that he has to tell his daughter this. Even after calling the police, I don’t see any action where the stepson raced the jewelry back.”
“I am full of dread for OP but hope he doesn’t have the jewelry because stepson is a jerk and not because some of it was lost.”~30flips
“I feel for the daughter because IF OP gets the jewelry back and can give it to his daughter it’s going to have this memory of being stolen by stepson and worn by his gf.”
“It’s no longer a special set from mom to daughter. So NTA”~MessageErased
“NTA! They stole precious heirlooms from your daughter from her dead mother. Press the charges, tell the police the fiancé’s name. Do. Not. Back. Down.”
“As for the grandparents and people opposing you, ask them how’s they feel if someone stole their dead spouses thing from you. They’re heartless.”
“Update us when you get the jewelry back.”~UnmuscularThor
And Redditors are also urging him to not back down.
“NTA – DO NOT BACK DOWN.”
“And tell your wife if she doesn’t back you up on this then she can go live with her thieving son.”
“The fact that her entire side of the family is backing them up on this theft from your daughter says an awful lot about them and none of it good.”~HowardProject
“NTA – Press those charges and when you get the jewelry set back put it in a deposit box or somewhere safe that only YOU have access to.”
“Your partner should definitely not have access to it. And also make sure that it is clearly stated that only your daughter has access to it should something happen to you.”
“Your stepson stole and should learn the consequences of his action.”~-Alula
“In retrospect, the jewelry set should have been in bank safety deposit box.”
“I think you should proceed with the authorities. He thinks he and his mom can pull off this thievery and you will just take it.”
“When you waver in your thinking, remember your deceased wife, and your daughter’s future, and all the meaning and sentiment in that jewelry set.”
“It can’t possibly mean as much to the boy’s (and he is a boy, not a man) fiance.”
“NTA Do you best to recover that jewelry set. Do not trust that young fellow and his fiance/wife in your home in the future.”~abcwva
“NTA. You gave him multiple chances and he spit your kindness back in your face when you graced him with the opportunities.”
“Do it and stand your ground, if the rules were reversed they wouldn’t overlook it. And make sure they both(stepson and his fiance) pay for any damages done to it.”~_KorahBelle_
OP faces a tough road ahead pressing these charges. Maybe even challenges from his wife.
Hopefully he will prevail and have justice for his daughter.