Foreign Dad Refuses To Let American Wife Circumcise Son To Be More 'Attractive' To Women

When a couple is preparing to have a baby, there are understandably a lot of conversations they're going to need to have, like how they want to raise the baby, if they want to teach them a second language right away, or what style of play they want to encourage in their home.

But a subject a lot of couples forget to have when they are having a boy is whether or not to circumcise him when he is born, which can be a divisive subject, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.

Redditor Glittering_Two5717 was from a European country while his wife was American, and he discovered when they were preparing to invite their son into the world that they had strongly differing opinions about the subject of circumcision.

While he felt it should be his son's choice, the Original Poster (OP) was surprised that his wife argued that circumcision was both cleaner and... more attractive.

He asked the sub:

"AITAH for refusing to circumcise my son?"

The OP and his wife had a wonderful life together and were generally compatible. 

"I married an American woman, and we're extremely happy together."

"For the most part, we never fight, and if we do, we're both great at respecting each other and listening to each other's opinions."

"We're also about to have a son, which we're both very excited about."

But the subject of circumcision was nothing short of divisive for them.

"But we massively disagree on circumcision."

"She views it as cleaner and more attractive for women when he grows up."

"I think that's absolute bulls**t and odd to be sexualizing an unborn kid in that manner."

"How on earth is that the norm with baby boys in the US?"

The OP was concerned about the potential side effects involved.

"I was circumcised as an adult before I met her because of an injury. I know how painful it is and how much it hurts your sensitivity."

"I compared it to female genital mutilation and she was unbelievably upset."

"While I admit the seriousness of the surgeries differ, the philosophy and justification behind them are both the same weird s**t."

In the heat of the moment, the OP's wife even tried to make the argument personal.

"The worst thing is she implied, when quite emotional, that I just wasn't respecting her arguments as my IQ measured slightly higher than hers, according to this online IQ test we both had to do for work."

"She later conceded that this was a silly thing to say and has apologized. And to be clear, I literally never brought that up, nor would I ever care."

"She says it was the pregnancy hormones making her insecure."

"I think that may be a factor in why she seems so unreceptive to my feelings and arguments against doing this."

The OP wanted the decision to be up to their son when he was older.

"My position is our son can choose to take the surgery himself when he's older if he wants to. It's his body."

"I'm not going to budge on this. I respect many aspects of American culture, but this isn't something I'm comfortable doing to my son."

"AITAH?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NTA: Not the A**hole
• YTA: You're the A**hole
• ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
• NAH: No A**holes Here

Some agreed with the OP and argued that circumcision issues were quite common.

"When I was 19, I had to babysit my newborn brother very frequently. He was newly circumcised. I had previously not had any opinion on it whatsoever. It was just kind of a thing that happened."

"Having to peel scabbed-over, bloody diapers off of his penis completely changed that for me. I am sure there was some element of care my parents left out/weren't doing but regardless. Putting an infant in that position completely developed an opinion for me." - KurwaDestroyer

"Mishaps happen, but you never hear about them because nobody wants to broadcast that their kid has a mutilated penis. I learned about this when I worked in a pediatric emergency room and overheard the trauma surgeon yelling at parents about their baby's ruined penis. I asked a different doctor what's up and he explained it to me." - Kip_Schtum

"My father was over-circumcised. The doctor took more than the foreskin. I never knew until I said, 'We've decided not to circumcise our son.'"

"Dad comes out of left field with, 'Oh good!' and proceeds to tell us his personal story."

"Those poor boys and men." - fatapolloissexu

"Yeah, the 'but it's hygienic and everybody does it' crowd is real quiet about scarring and callouses."

"The historical standard is actually a partial circumcision, which still leaves a few centimeters of skin. Removes literally just the tip with a much lower risk of deformity."

"For some reason though, the current medical standard is full circumcision, i.e., 100% amputation of all retractable skin. They are often minorly botched." - Titanea_tau

"I have a family member who specializes in these fixes. He is very, very busy."

"I try not to think about it too much because it's honestly so sad that he's so busy. All of those poor boys." - SailSweet9929

Others agreed that, regardless of where they lived, they would not circumcise their children. 

"My cousin's kid, who is now a teen, had a circumcision mishap that got infected. I remember being in middle or high school and visiting and having to do something special to take care of it when I changed his diaper."

"I've never asked about his penis since, so I'm not sure if he still has any issues or permanent damage from it."

"I don't live in the US anymore, but I would never circumcise my children. I probably wouldn't even do it if I still lived there since I'm currently pregnant, and the idea of mutilating my child is quite upsetting."

"Such a weird, unnecessary thing. No hate if it's religious, I suppose, though I'm not religious, so it's hard to imagine. But for non-religious reasons… It's so unnecessary and odd that it's done habitually in the US." - atleast42

"NTA. I have a seven-month-old son. My husband and I wanted to get him circumcised at first."

"His appointment came, and I just couldn't bring myself to put my baby boy through unnecessary pain, all for aesthetics."

"At first, my husband was a bit upset. Then he changed his tune when I told him he could take him to the appointment and clean him afterward until it healed. He didn't want to see him go through the pain, either."

"He did more research and went down a rabbit hole after that and was very happy I didn't go through with it." - thisb***h420

"I'm an American and I don't understand circumcision. It's genital mutilation. It's so weird your wife wants to chop off part of his dilly so he'll be more attractive to women. Don't let her."

"NTA." - myfourmoons

"NTA. The hygiene argument is usually made by people too lazy and embarrassed to teach their children proper personal hygiene. It also assumes/accepts boys and men are going to be poor at keeping themselves clean. If women can wash under their flaps, so can men."

"Unless there is a medical issue further down the line, there is no need whatsoever for circumcision." - tiggergirluk76

"Circumcision unless for medical reasons is gender mutilation. NTA. Your wife is a massive one."

"I live in northern Europe, and only very religious people even consider this as a possible option. Overall, it is just not done because, well, gender mutilation."

"If it's an adult making the decision for themselves, that's fine, but the baby has no say in the matter, and saying it's 'easier to heal when they're babies' is far from a solid argument for making such a personal decision for them."

"Let people make decisions about their own bodies, it's really as simple as that."

"Also, the excuse of 'they won't remember anything so it's okay' is really scary. Sure, if they're in pain from some kind of sickness or injury or other unavoidable medical reason, it might be comforting, like a tiny silver lining of a horrible situation."

"But using it as an excuse to subject them to incredibly painful, dangerous, and unnecessary procedures? Like, seriously...? How disconnected does someone have to be to feel okay with their child, their baby, being in so much pain for so long just because 'they won't remember it'?"

"You wouldn't be okay with someone torturing them any other way for that reason, so why would this be okay?" - CupboardOfPandas

From issues of consent to all of the medical things that could potentially go wrong, the subReddit was fully in support of the OP's decision not to circumcise his son.

While his wife might think that cleanliness and attractiveness were valid reasons for circumcision, it might be good for her to do her own research on the subject instead of likely listening to the people who raised her, where ideas like this are most commonly perpetuated.