Raising teenagers poses numerous challenges.
As parents see their children slowly grow into adults, they begin to get a clearer sense of who their children really are, and try to be supportive in every way they can.
But Redditor, Constant_Attitude_22 found himself in a sticky situation with his teenage daughter, who became furious with him for enforcing a rule.
Worried his daughter may have misinterpreted his being strict with a lack of support, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) asking fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not letting my daughter’s girlfriend (gf) spend the night?”
The OP began by giving readers more information about his teenage daughter, and his and his wife’s relationship with her.
“My wife and I have a daughter that turned 16 and a son that is 14.”
“Our daughter told us that she was bisexual and we told her that we were happy with anyone that she dated.”
“My wife nor I are against the LGBT community.”
“We did grow up in a different era, but that does not mean we will not support our kids with their lifestyles.”
The OP’s daughter eventually introduced them to her girlfriend, which seemed to go well until things took an unexpected turn for the worse.
“Her birthday was the day after the Thanksgiving holiday and she introduced her girlfriend to us.”
“Her girlfriend is very sweet and they seem happy.”
“Daughter asked if her girlfriend could stay into the evening and watch some movies.”
“Around 11:00pm, I asked daughter if girlfriend had a ride home.”
“Daughter says no and girlfriend was going to spend the night.”
“I told her no, we did not have any room for her to stay.”
“Girlfriend texted her parents and told me that her father was going to pick her up.”
“The girlfriend’s father comes to pick her up and my daughter starts yelling at me for not letting her girlfriend stay.”
“I told my daughter that I did not feel okay with her girlfriend spending the night especially in her bedroom.”
“Daughter tells me that it’s not a boy and nothing will happen.”
“She storms upstairs to her bedroom and slams the door.”
“Wife and I did speak about the incident further and she thinks I was a little too harsh on daughter and girlfriend.”
“She thinks I should have let her stay as 11:00pm is very late and I should have set up a sleeping bag on the couch.”
“AITA for not letting my daughter’s gf spend the night?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they felt the OP fell in this particular situation:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
There was a fairly unanimous agreement that the OP was not the a**hole in refusing to let his daughter’s girlfriend spend the night.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s daughter should have asked permission for her girlfriend to spend the night, and that she was dating a girl was irrelevant.
“You’re having the exact standard you would if she had asked to have a boyfriend stay over.”
“She’s bisexual, so if she’s dating a girl, it’s logical to apply the same rules as if she were dating a boy.”
“I suppose your wife isn’t wrong; she could have slept on the couch, but the fact is, your daughter never asked if her girlfriend could stay over until she thought it was too late for her to go home (actually, it doesn’t sound like she asked at all, but rather told you she was staying).”- idreaminwords.
“Sleepovers should always be approved by a parent not sprung on them at 11pm.”
“Second, girlfriends and boyfriends spending the night is generally considered differently than a friend sleeping over.”- snowwhitesludge.
“The rule would’ve stood for a boy or a girl.”
“Your daughter also specifically waited until it was late to tell you she wanted her GF to stay the night, which as someone that has tried this tactic, this tells me she knew it wasn’t going to fly and she was trying to pressure you into getting her way.”- Neko131e
“Your daughters statement of ‘it’s not a boy’ says to me she’d understand if she was dating a boy?”
“Dating a girl doesn’t make you more obligated to let her stay over.”
“11pm is a long time to let her stay, it’s fine.”- Gigibean3.
“Even if my daughter was straight and this was her female BFF, don’t f*cking assume you’re just going to invite someone to sleep at my house and then spring it on me at 11pm like you decide these things.”- dancing_chinese_kid
“If she had a BF, you wouldn’t let them stay the night.”
“You’re respecting her by treating her bisexual relationship like you would treat a hetero relationship.”
“Let her be angry and have more discussions with the wife to find common ground on how you will parent in the future.”- snewton_8
“Daughter didn’t ask if her girlfriend could spend the night until the last minute, plus she wanted her over right after you’d first met her.”
“There’s no difference whether it was a boy or girl – you would have reacted the same way.”-TenderOctane
“I’m bi, so here’s my two cents for whatever it’s worth.”
“Your daughter didn’t ask if it was ok that her gf spent the night, does she not normally ask if friends can spend the night?”
“Mad honestly, your house, your rules.”
“She definitely should have at least asked first, she seemed to think that you would just give in and let her.”
“It’s still a romantic relationship, and those have rules.”
“I feel like a conversation should have been had about situations like this, already.”
“In this case, NTA, as she didn’t ask you.”- HeckinZebra
“She didn’t ask permission and tried to manipulate her way into it.”
“11pm is not too late for a dad to pick up his kid.”
“Tell her next time it has to be planned and not dropped on you at the last minute.”
Indeed, it does seem to be a shame the night ended the way it did, as the girlfriend seemed to really hit it off with the OP and his wife.
Here’s hoping this will just be one minor bump in the road for everyone involved.