While not everyone is comfortable talking about the details, menstruation is a natural part of growing up as a female.
It’s also not something that can be ignored, hygienically or pain-level-wise, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
But Redditor dadarguement19341 was not receiving the support she needed when she did not have the feminine hygiene products she required at home or at school.
When her father refused to give her money to buy more, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was wrong to be upset about it.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for asking my dad for money for period products?”
The OP was in a difficult home environment.
“My (16 Female) mom is an addict, so my brothers (both 14 Male) and I don’t see her much and haven’t in almost a year now.”
“My dad is a good dad, he’s not on hard drugs right now, but when it comes to girl stuff, he is utterly useless.”
“He’s also not working right now due to the hours not being there for him, so he’s really struggling.”
“For birth control, I’m currently on the depo injection. It hasn’t stopped my periods, but it’s made them more regular, so I’m having one now.”
“My school does provide period products, but they won’t provide tampons to girls under 18 for some unknown reason, and when you ask for more than one pad, the receptionist gets really s**tty with you for no good reason.”
The OP needed money for more period products.
“I asked my dad for money this morning because we’re completely out at home, and the receptionist wouldn’t give me a spare yesterday.”
“He asked what I needed money for, and I told him it was for tampons.”
“He said he hasn’t got it, and I said he also hasn’t got the money to be doing extra laundry because this is the sort of stuff I can’t just live without.”
The request led to an argument.
“He told me to ask my mom, so I texted her, and she still hasn’t responded.”
“I asked him again, and he lost his s**t.”
“I got angry back. I told him if one of the boys needed new socks, that wouldn’t be an issue, or if we had no milk, it wouldn’t be an issue, so why is it not okay for me to get what I need when they can get what they need?”
“He told me to f**k off out of his face, and the boys have been a bit a-holeish with me all day as well.”
“I’m not sure if I’m being the a**hole here. I know I need tampons, but I also know that they’re not cheap, and I pressured him a bit.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some people were alarmed by how the OP was being cared for.
“NTA. Period products are essential, not a nice-to-have. He’d buy toilet paper if you needed it!”
“My only advice would be to get some kind of work part-time and set up a bank account without his name on it. You need tampons.”
“In Canada, food banks sometimes have them, so if you are comfortable using food banks and there is one near you, that’s an idea for now.” – Pristine-Rhubarb7294
“OP said her mom is an addict and absent from their lives, so her Dad seems like a good parent IN COMPARISON to her Mom, but that’s a very low bar to clear.” – jenniebet
“NTA, OP. I don’t know why so many men are averse to learning about the health of their daughters. All parents should be willing to understand and have conversations with their kids about their health and bodies even if it makes all parties uncomfortable. Everyone should try to be the first person their children confide in or ask questions to.” – ZzedNev3rDead
“I’m a new dad and just had a baby girl last month. It’s terrible that OP’s dad isn’t providing the bare minimum for a daughter’s needs.”
“OP, if you have a wishlist (maybe one that sends to a trusted friend, grandparent, or getting a PO Box), you just tell me what you need. I’ll ship it out today from Amazon and help.”
“Hope your dad comes around and sorry you have so many ‘adult’ people failing you in life!” – REDDIT
“As a father of three girls, I could never imagine treating period products as a luxury when they were growing up. I’m on board with buying off a wishlist. Set it up OP, and you’ll have the products you need whenever you need them.” – MrGameRat
“Buying tampons and pads is your parent’s responsibility. Full stop. Of course, you are NTA. Refusing to provide them for you is neglect.” – Worldy-Letterhead61
“NTA. This is a health issue. You need these products to stay clean and healthy. Your dad won’t enjoy what happens if you don’t get these products.”
“It sounds like every adult in your life who should be helping you is failing you. I’m sorry you’re enduring this. But it will get better. Good luck.” – editgamesleeprepeat
Others gave additional care suggestions for the OP to care for herself.
“NTA. This isn’t fair at all and you shouldn’t be put in this position, but your dad isn’t going to become a good dad overnight (and a dad who refuses to meet his daughter’s basic hygiene needs is not a good dad).”
“You may want to look into reusable period products. It might be a greater upfront cost and your family will probably complain about seeing you clean them, but at least you won’t have to beg for replacement products every single month.” – Umklopp
“If OP would be willing to try a menstrual cup, that might be a good investment. I started using one at 16, so I didn’t have to ask my parents for money every month. Mine weren’t mean about money like OP’s dad, but they made sure I knew I was expensive…” – crowned_tragedy
“Throw a few pairs of period underwear on your wishlist too. They are a lifesaver. If you are comfortable, a period cup can be really helpful because it is a one-time expense.” – Whatever-Whatevs
“Aside from contacting CPS (Child Protective Services), OP should ask a female teacher. I usually have a load of extra pads in my desk, which I have given to kids who didn’t want to go and ask the office.” – Auroraburst
“You don’t choose to have a period. It’s nature. I’m so sorry that you’re parents aren’t properly taking care of you!”
“NTA. I’m a stranger on the internet, but I’d happily ship you feminine hygiene products or reply to an Amazon wish list. They are a necessity.” – Apprehensive-Mix522
“One of my friends in high school was in a similar situation, and her father reacted this way too. It made me sad then, and it does now. No one, especially not a parent, should be talking to you that way, ever. That’s not okay.”
“Him telling the other siblings about it to turn them against you isn’t okay either. And further, as many others have said, providing sanitary products is the job of a parent. Not changing menstrual products often enough can result in infection and other health complications, and blood is a biohazard that should be properly managed and disposed of (Plus it’s a pain to get out of fabric).”
“Depending on where you live, you might be old enough that you can schedule doctor appointments without custodial consent and be covered by doctor-patient confidentiality laws, if you’re scared of going to a health clinic for fear of him finding out.” – ProperGarlic3171
“Hey, just on the depo injection, it’s not meant to be long-term.”
“Longer than two years on it, and you can start losing bone density. Go too far down that path and osteoporosis, etc., start becoming an issue.”
“I know of a few people who weren’t warned by their doctors about that time limit so just adding it here.”
“Other options can include: IUD, NuvaRing, implanon, birth control pills (if you suffer from stuff like PMDD and progesterone sensitivity you can even look at stuff like chemical menopause).” – heywhatisthismuppetry
“NTA. NO. You are not being an AH for asking for BASIC necessities!!”
“Do you have a school counselor? You need to bring this up that you can’t get this item, or if you don’t want to do that at school, a nurse at a local clinic will do just as well. There are programs set up for this. This is a NEED, not a want.”
“I mean, even if the ones in the office are only meant for emergencies, and that’s why they only give one. People in those positions are meant to be advocates for the students, meaning they should notice this same student coming in all the time and really should have approached this already.”
“Granted, this requires everyone in those positions to respect that mission, and that’s putting a lot of faith in people on my part, I suppose.” – RoxasofsorrowXIII
Not only was the subReddit rooting for the OP to keep standing up for herself against her parents and school staff to get what she needed, but they were also appalled that she had to be her own best advocate at only the age of 16.
The OP was not receiving the proper care that she needed, and it was time for her family to reprioritize some funds and for the school to be more supportive of its female population.