It’s a sad but true fact that young women almost never feel safe when leaving the comfort of their own home.
As there are far too many men with no sense of decency or boundaries who will openly objectify and make advances towards young women.
Often ignoring their repeatedly being told “no” or to back away.
Redditor rodrigkn noticed such a situation happening to his young babysitter, and felt he had no choice but to intervene.
Much to his surprise, however, the original poster (OP) received surprising blowback from his wife for how he handled the situation.
Wondering if he was, in fact, in the wrong, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow redditors:
“AITA for telling my drywall guy to stop bugging my babysitter?”
The OP explained how after he thought he helped get his babysitter out of an uncomfortable situation, his wife accused him of overstepping.
“We are doing some house renovations and so workers are in the house.”
“Today two guys were putting up drywall in the living room while our babysitter is playing with our daughter in the family room while I’m working in my downstairs office.”
“I hear the drywall guy asking personal questions to my babysitter until her answers started getting short and her tone changes.”
“IE: Guy: ‘So where do you live?'”
“Her: ‘North of here’.”
“Guy: ‘Yeah but where?'”
“Her: ‘It’s kind of a weird spot’.”
“That’s when I finally walked upstairs and told him, ‘What is this? The census? She’s watching my kid. Let her be’.”
“I thought I did it in a joking manner but I guess it came off harsher than I intended.”
“My wife promptly informed me I was an a**hole to the guy and the babysitter had it under control.”
“I get that white knighting is a thing and that I may be out of touch with where I should be putting my foot down so I leave the verdict to all of you.”
“Am I the A-hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Everyone agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for stopping the worker from asking inappropriate questions to his babysitter.
Everyone agreed that the OP did absolutely the right thing, and even if his babysitter did have it under control, they still had her best interests at heart, which his wife should have noticed.
“You hired this guy to work, not spend time chatting up your babysitter.”
“You were not in any way out of line for intervening and giving your babysitter an out for a conversation that was becoming uncomfortable for her.”
“I’m sure the babysitter could have handled it, but that’s not the point: it was not her job to manage his behavior, it was yours.”
“And you did.”- Mirianda666
“You’re paying that guy to do a job and bothering the babysitter AIN’T IT.”- Wikidess
“NTA and big blessings to you.”
“Your babysitter probably felt obligated to remain polite while working.”
“You the real MVP.”- alpha_rat_fight_
“Who the f*ck thinks they deserve to know where someone lives?”- bankofmolly
“NTA at all.”
“As a woman I applaud you for doing that.”
“Women can and should speak up when creepy guys are bugging them, but in my experience, sometimes it’s just not that easy when you’ve been raised to be a people-pleaser who doesn’t hurt other’s feelings or say ‘no’.”- OverallDisaster
“As a former 16-year-old girl who was routinely hit on by men older than my father, I can almost guarantee you that this babysitter was extremely uncomfortable and didn’t know a safe way to diffuse the situation especially as she was in charge of kids at the time.”
“Young women especially are socially conditioned to brush off men’s comments so as to not make a fuss, and in doing so totally normalize predatory behavior.”
“I wish someone like you had been looking out for me when I was her age.”- adoptedlithuanian
“In fact, this is a new suit area for employers covered by Employer’s Liability Insurance, an add-on to an employer’s General Liability policy to cover failure to protect your employees from harassment from other employees, or VENDORS of the company.”
“Ex: delivery guy harassing a CSR at the front desk.”
“Crazy to think this could be the employer’s fault, but there have been cases.”
“So, technically, you could be held liable for his actions and did exactly the right thing, if not also possibly asking him to get off your property.”- Chickens1
“I would appreciate the intervention, it gives her an out with the guy, she can say she doesn’t want to get into trouble and she doesn’t come across as rude.”
“Also, what you said kind of made me laugh!”- Loststrawberrypie
“If this was an entirely social occasion, perhaps I’d think differently, but both people were working.”
“And maybe in a social setting, your babysitter would’ve felt free to be blunter herself, but felt differently since she was at work.”
“It’s important to note too that the guy wasn’t just asking those two questions you mentioned in your post.”
“If I understand it right, it sounds like he asked her several questions prior to that and she was deflecting up to a point.”
“That said, the only one here who can really judge if you overstepped is the babysitter.”
“I definitely wouldn’t bring it up to her directly, but if she happens to say something to your wife about it, go from there in deciding how to handle it.”
“My guess is that she was probably glad you said something.”- hannahsflora
“Likely better to have said ‘please don’t interrupt my babysitter, she has her hands full with her work and needs to be fully focused on my child’.”
“But, what you said is fine.”
“And it’s certainly NOT appropriate to have the babysitter fend for herself.”
“If she is working in your home, it is your job is to ensure other folks also working in your home respect her and don’t act creepy.”- CaptainJeff
“It’s good you overheard and intervened.”
“Make it clear to these drywall workers that you are the homeowner and if they need to speak with anyone while they’re working, they can speak with you.”
“There was no reason anyone needed to be interacting with your babysitter unless they were in the way or needed to move to a different space.”
“In this case, I don’t think you were ‘white knighting’.”
“You could tell from the way she was being vague in her answers that this was a conversation she didn’t want to have.”
“White knighting also typically comes with some sort of ‘repayment’ expectation.”
“You weren’t asking your babysitter to take a pay cut or babysit a night for free or anything because you intervened.”
“You made it clear that you could hear what was being said and thought she was getting uncomfortable.”
“If you’re still worried, let the babysitter know that you were pretty sure she had it under control, but you can also use the whole ‘dad instincts’ excuse too, that you felt that ‘checking in’ might have helped the situation.”- Deliriums_BabelFish
The OP later shared an update, sharing a conversation he, his wife, and their babysitter had following the altercation.
“We spoke about the situation just before she left.”
“I apologized to her for the weirdo and let her know he won’t be back.”
“To quote her, ‘the thirsty ones never get the hint’.”
“The most eye-opening take away from this was when she told my wife and I, ‘if you think that was bad you should check out my DM’s’.”
“Her Instagram messages are from people who should be put on the sex offender registry.”
“Guys offering her $700 a week to hold them, guys she has never met offering to buy her plane tickets, and straight up d*ck pics.”
“How are d*ck pic people not out on the sex offender registry?”
“It’s just street flashing with less effort.”
“It’s insane and it’s apparently just a norm with the way she brushed it off.”
“My wife is deflecting from whether I’m still the a-hole but I’ll take what I can get.”
“In her defense, even the babysitter noted that while my comment was funny, my tone was actually straight-up yelling at the guy.”
“It’s a give and take like anything in this world.”
“Anyway, thank you all for your input, and here is to hoping the ‘thirsty’ ones get a job that has them work from home and off social media.”
Sometimes, a man defending a woman’s honor is just as off-putting as a man making unwanted advances.
Particularly if he does it for the same end result.
In the case of the OP, however, he seemed genuinely concerned for his babysitter’s safety.
And if everyone should try to control their temper, one can’t blame the OP for being annoyed by someone putting off their job.
One can only hope this was a learning experience for everyone.