Dating life is hard, especially when a person discovers the person they are dating is not the person for them.
The worst part is that sometimes the person tells on themselves through the reddest of relationship red flags, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor ThrowRA445800 recently went on a date with the guy she was currently seeing, and she was surprised he specifically wanted her to wear an expensive white dress she owned. Because of its price and family significance, she asked that they both be careful not to ruin the dress.
But when he spilled red wine all over her and then refused to help pay for dry cleaning, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he did it on purpose, and more importantly, if he was the right partner for her.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for expecting my date to cover the dry cleaning cost of a dress he ruined?”
The OP recently wore a special dress on a date with her current partner.
“I (27 Female) am in a bit of a dilemma and could really use some advice.”
“I’ve been seeing this guy for a couple of months, and we decided to go to a nice high-end restaurant for a date.”
“Initially, I was going to wear a nice dark blue dress that I like to wear out, but he asked me to wear a different white dress that I had shown him once as it matched his outfit (I’ve never had a guy ask me this).”
“The white dress in question was a gift from my late grandmother and was quite expensive, so I was reluctant but agreed and just asked that we didn’t go anywhere after where I might spill something on it or otherwise mess it up (he mentioned clubbing after dinner which is why I said that, I didn’t want to risk messing the dress up).”
“He said we could just go to dinner and I could change out of it before doing anything else. Great!”
But the OP’s boyfriend wasn’t as careful as she had hoped.
“However, the evening took a turn for the worse when he accidentally spilled his red wine all over my dress.”
“He had gotten an unexpected call and when he tried to quickly mute his ringer, his elbow hit his glass, and it spilled all over the lap area of my dress before I could react.”
“It was completely drenched and stained.”
“He was apologetic at the time, and I tried to be cool about it, but inside, I was devastated, especially since I had mentioned specifically how I wanted to be careful wearing it.”
He showed his true colors when he refused to help the OP get the dress cleaned.
“Later, I mentioned to him that the dress was very expensive and asked if he’d be willing to help with the cost of cleaning or replacing it. To get it professionally cleaned and the stain removed would cost 100 dollars, which I asked him to pay half of.”
“To my surprise, he got quite defensive. He argued that it was an accident and that I was being unreasonable for expecting him to pay for something like that.”
“He said that it was my fault for wearing it out knowing that it could’ve happened.”
“I feel like it’s a matter of principle. Yes, it was an accident, but the dress was ruined, and it was extremely sentimental to me, not to mention a valuable dress. He also asked me to wear it, so.”
“He thinks I’m being materialistic and making a big deal out of nothing. Now, I’m not sure how to feel about his reaction.”
“AITA for expecting him to cover the cost?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were spotting all kinds of red flags, and they weren’t the red wine stains.
“NTA. You can’t force someone to give you money, but you can definitely get free of this AH. He’s already showing you he isn’t going to take care of you or what you care about. Instead, he blamed you and criticized you.” – Stitch426
“NTA. He should have offered to pay the full cost since he had been informed to be careful around it and wasn’t.”
“Is it just me, or does it seem a bit too coincidental to insist on OP wearing a white dress and then ‘accidentally’ spilling red wine on it? Maybe I’ve been reading too much Reddit lately, but just seems odd.” – DolphinRex
“HUGE NTA. First off, let’s address the fact that he SPECIFICALLY REQUESTED that you wear that dress. So it’s not at all your fault for wearing it.”
“Secondly, if you’re going to a high-end restaurant, I can safely assume you spent somewhere around 100 dollars on dinner, which means he could definitely afford to cover half of a 100-dollar clean. He knocked over the glass. Even as an accident, it’s still his fault.”
“Not to mention, HE REQUESTED YOU WEAR THE DRESS. That dress wouldn’t have been stained if HE hadn’t REQUESTED you wear it. You weren’t even considering it until he asked.” – wolf_creature
“Over 50 dollars, this dude is getting defensive? Dinner and clubbing were likely significantly more expensive and he wants to complain about this. He pressured you to wear this exact dress, and then behaves like this? Pay your own 100 dollars and find a guy who has some feeling of responsibility.” – mabrasm
“Why would someone even order red wine in that situation unless they were trying to see what they could get away with?”
“There is a reason why you don’t see many brides drinking red wine.” – cricketsnothollow
“NTA.”
“No one is saying it was on purpose. But he is responsible for it. The right thing to do when you break or damage something is to pay to fix it or replace it.” – bbbrashbash
“NTA. You shouldn’t have needed to ask, he should have offered to cover all the cleaning costs. Yes it was an accident but that doesn’t absolve him of responsibility. The fact that he won’t even cover half shows what kind of person he is. And how he’s shifting the blame to you like he never suggested you wear it is gaslighting.”
“Sucks that this relationship cost you your beautiful dress but it’s much less than your lifetime. This man is not a keeper, time to move on. I hope the cleaners can restore your dress back to its original condition.” – Sweetsmyle
Others agreed and felt this wasn’t the right partner for the OP.
“NTA. This man is showing his character. He told you what to wear, knew how cautious you were wearing for fear of spilling something on it, thought to order red wine and wasn’t cautious about where he placed it, and then he did spill the red wine on it, acts like a whiny baby about helping to cover the cost.”
“A good man, if he had requested this particular outfit, would have ordered white wine and kept it far away from you, and if he’d still spilled, wouldn’t have blinked in paying to have it cleaned. Get rid of the guy.” – fallingintopolkadots
“NTA. I don’t think the wine spilling was an accident. He sounds controlling and awful. Dump him immediately. And block block block. He’s just shown you that he doesn’t care at all about you.” – DragonFireLettuce
“NTA. If he’s not willing to spend $100 to right a minor wrong, he’s not going to be there when times get tough.” – Thedudeabides470
“On the bright side, you found out for a hundred dollars that he’s a jerk. It cost me a couple thousand one time when I was young and dumb. Rather it is 100. NTA.” – Ladyknight0991
“NTA. Normally I would agree that accidents happen, but he specifically requested you wear that dress even though 6ou planned to wear something else and you made it clear how important it was to be careful with the dress.”
“If you had chosen to wear it on your own, honestly, that would be on you. But you didn’t. You acquiesced, reluctantly, to his specific request and then he did exactly what you were worried about. It’s reasonable to ask him to help pay to get it cleaned.”
“Also, I don’t think you’re a good match if he gets that upset at what seems a fair request.” – SmirkyToast13
“NTA and send him this Reddit thread, please. Also please, please remember when someone shows who they are, believe them.”
“You asked for him to cover half the cost of a mistake he made after you accommodated him with your outfit. Tell Butter Elbows the outfit was of his choosing.” – Sure-Rutabega2390
“NTA but at least now you know the guy you’re dating doesn’t believe in accountability. This should have been an easy owning of his accident. And he dodged responsibility right away.”
“This is not a guy to keep. Let him go. Make room for an upgrade.” – The_Bad_Agent
“NTA.”
“He should cover the entire cost, especially since it was made clear that the dress is both sentimental and delicate. Just because an accident happens doesn’t mean there are no consequences (you’re sure it was a mistake, right? I’ve got an alarm bell ringing bc he was insistent on that dress being worn…).”
“Also, please don’t stay with this guy. He clearly doesn’t respect you, and seems to think of you as an accessory.” – KatinHats
“NTA. It doesn’t even matter if he asked you to wear the dress. I gave a friend of mine who volunteered to help me with installing something in my house a specific machine to use for this. He made a mistake in handling it and accidentally damaged a window.”
“Although his insurance covered most of the cost he did not let me pay for the rest of it. He said it was his responsibility how he handled the machine and mistakes happen.”
“So yes, better find yourself another date.” – Emily_November
“NTA. Send him a link to this post, let him read the comments, and then see how he reacts.”
“I’m suspecting he may, once again, not take ownership and blame you for sharing it online, which will just prove everyone else’s comments on here about needing to break up.”
“However, it gives him a chance. If he’s capable of any introspection, it may make him realize he’s in the wrong, apologize profusely, and pay 100 percent of the bill. In which case, he’s just learning about taking responsibility, and may yet be saved.” – AndyBakes80
The subReddit was frustrated on the OP’s behalf, but they were grateful that the OP discovered this wasn’t the right relationship for her with only the expense of one-hundred dollars. Many people put years and hundreds of thousands of dollars into relationships before they realize they’re with the wrong person.
Hopefully, she’ll decide to walk away, and hopefully, her dress will be able to be restored.