It’s always a hard adjustment for children of divorce when their parents start seeing new people.
No matter if they’re 10 or 50 years old, they will often only be able to see things about their parent’s new partners which they don’t like.
With a bit of time, and after getting to know them better, they will often learn that their initial feelings were unfair and eventually grow to love them as if they’re a third parent.
Sometimes, however, their suspicions prove to be well-founded.
Redditor aitathrowww-c‘s relationship with his daughter had grown shaky following his divorce from her mother.
It would sadly only get worse after the original poster (OP) introduced his daughter to his new girlfriend.
Following some accusations his daughter made against his new flame, the OP decided the only solution was to spend even less time with his offspring than he already was.
Concerned that he was being unfair, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not inviting my daughter to dinner after she called my girlfriend a gold digger?”
The OP explained why he didn’t feel inclined to include his daughter at a recent family gathering following some remarks she made about his current girlfriend.
“I’ve never been particularly close with my daughter.”
“After me and her mom divorced when she was 13 I saw her maybe once every 2-3 months and on birthdays/holidays.”
“I do blame myself for that.”
“After the divorce I went into a sort of mid life crisis (although I was only in my early 30s).”
“Over the last few years I’ve dated quite a few women but I wouldn’t class any of those relationships as ‘serious’.”
“Six months ago I started dating my current girlfriend.”
“About six weeks ago I invited most of my family out to dinner.”
“My daughter, my siblings and their partners, my parents.”
“I felt like our relationship was at a point that I wanted to introduce her as my girlfriend to the family.”
“And everyone seemed to like her, we had a fun dinner.”
“But then after a few glasses of wine, me and my daughter got into this small argument. I honestly don’t even remember what it was about and during that argument, she called my girlfriend a gold digger and left shortly after.”
“She generally just ruined the whole dinner.”
“I’m not delusional; I know one of the reasons that my girlfriend is with me is money, and I assume everyone else in the family knows that too.”
“Same way one of the reasons I’m with my girlfriend is her looks.”
“Last weekend, I threw a small indoor BBQ dinner at my house, and I again invited most of my family and a few friends and some of my girlfriend’s friends.”
“But I didn’t invite my daughter.”
“She very obviously doesn’t like my girlfriend, and I didn’t want a repeat of the last situation.”
“However when my daughter found out she wasn’t invited afterwards she sent me some angry messages calling me a ‘selfish narcissistic prick.'”
“And for whatever reason, one of my sisters has taken her side and said I should have invited her.”
“So was AITA for not inviting her?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The OP found little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who unanimously agreed he was indeed the a**hole for excluding his daughter from the barbecue.
Everyone agreed that not only were the OP’s actions immature, but also hypocritical, as he plainly stated that her accusations against his girlfriend were, in fact, correct, and his confession that he was primarily dating her for her looks only made him look worse.
“I bet she remembers what the argument was about.”
“So she can forgive your midlife crisis making you drop out of her life and become a deadbeat dad, but you cut her out of your life for calling your gold digger girlfriend a gold digger during an argument?”
“It really doesn’t take much for you to leave her, does it?”
“YTA, obviously.”- Sufficient_Cat
“Do you care at all about having a relationship with your daughter?”
“Or do you have a ‘fake guilt’ over being a sh*tty father that you use to tell people as a sob story but don’t actually intend on doing the work to repair your relationship?”
“As of now: YTA.”- RaRa_Badger
“YTA.”
“So you’re dating a younger woman for her looks, and she’s dating you for your money.”
“Why are you so offended when your daughter is right?”
“You are a selfish, narcissistic pr*ck, if you’ve essentially abandoned her for her entire teenage years, and now you’re trying to introduce your sugar baby to the family as a serious relationship.”
“She’s closer to your daughter’s age than your own!”
“Then you throw a party and disinvite her because you’re hurt by her telling you the honest truth of the situation that you agree with.”
“You were drunk too and don’t even remember the conversation!”
“I get that you don’t care about how much you hurt your daughter but Jesus, guy, do better.”-Luxxeville
“Father of the year right here, people.”
“Ditches his daughter because he is pathetically having a midlife crisis.”
“Now he’s dating a young gold digger and doesn’t like his daughter calling him out.”
“If you were my father, I would have blocked your sad old a**.”- Commercial_World_834
“YTA.”
“Sounds like you’re a deadbeat dad playing out ‘daddy’ with your new girlfriend.”- ScaredExtent7057
“So you don’t remember what your argument was about, yet you’re sure she’s the one who ruined dinner?”
“Wow.”
“Also, this dismissive sh*t just sums up your entire attitude towards your daughter.”
“I bet she remembers what the argument was about, just like she remembers how you were hardly there for her while you were off having your midlife crisis.”
“I’m willing to bet that the last situation had far more to do with you being a sh*tty, absent father than how she feels about your girlfriend, who is clearly a symptom of who you are and how you have behaved.”
“I’m also willing to bet that you haven’t attempted to contact your daughter following the argument you had to see if you can talk it through.”
“Instead, you’re doing what you’ve spent the last six years doing, pushing her away.”
“You can invite whoever you like to your dinner, but don’t pretend that the reason you didn’t invite your daughter is that you’re upset at the fact she thinks you’re selfish because your entire OP is full of examples that prove her right, and you know it.”
“YTA.”- ImStealingTheTowels
“Dude, you practically ignored her existence.”
“Can you even call yourself a dad?”
“You prefer to sleep with young girls, not raise them.”
“She’s allowed to be angry. She lost out on the joys of a father-daughter relationship because you wanted to chase young, materialistic tail.”
“OP, you need to read the room.”
“Why on earth you thought introducing your sugar baby to your daughter, who you have neglected is beyond me.”
“You’ve said yourself ya girls with you for money.”
“All your daughter ever wanted was for her dad to love her and show her he loved her consistently.”
“And here you are prioritizing a woman you’ve had around for 6 months who is essentially using you for cash’s feelings over your own child?”
“That chick could care less about your relationship with your kid. She’s there to get paid.”
“It’s not unsalvageable, but that would require something from you that I personally don’t think you are capable of.”
“Because YWABTA (You will always be the a**hole) who treats his kid like an inconvenience that gets in the way of your preferred lifestyle.”
“Your daughter doesn’t want your money she wants you.”
“Can’t say the same for the ‘lady’ in your life.”- seekeroftruth2020
“Starts dating gold digger; daughter accurately calls her a gold digger; shocked pikachu face.”
“Of course YTA.”- meu03149
“YTA for your whole personality.”- plant-cell-sandwich
“I’m just curious as to why in the world you would waste your time and jeopardize a daughter’s love over a woman who’s just in it for the money?”
“Don’t you have enough respect for yourself to find a partner who loves you for you?”
“If you just need a hot girl on your arm & to show her off, you need some therapy on self esteem issues.”- Golfnpickle
“I mean truthfully what’s more important to you, a girl you have known for 6 months who you know is with you because you have money or your own daughter?”
“I know what my answer would be.”
“YTA.”- VariationX7
It would be one thing if the OP’s daughter made outrageously false accusations and wasn’t even making an effort to become close with him.
However, the fact that he excluded her and yet admitted that everything she said was true makes some fairly telling statements about his character.
The fact that he knew he was responsible for causing the distance between the two of them and still behaved this way makes one wonder if he’ll ever change.
One can only hope.