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Mom Asks If She’d Be Wrong To Get Her Daughter The HPV Vaccine Behind Her Anti-Vaxxer Husband’s Back

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Parenting is ideally a partnership. But what happens when parents just can’t see eye to eye?

A mom is dealing with that situation with her husband, so she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to ask a “Would I Be The A**hole” (WIBTA) question.

Redditor ThrowAwayWIBTA1122 asked:

“WIBTA if I take my daughter to get the HPV vaccine, behind her dad’s back?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I got my kids all their routine vaccines growing up, but I was always on the fence whether that was the right thing to do.”

“I also used to be completely against the HPV vaccine. It’s so new that I didn’t want MY kids to be the guinea pigs.”

“All my views on vaccines changed when one of our kittens caught a virus at the vet’s office & brought it home to our other cats. I literally watched what happens when some are vaccinated, and some are not.”

“The cats that were vaccinated barely got sick. The young ones that weren’t vaccinated, and were healthy, were pretty sick, but made it out unscathed.”

“The younger ones w/ health issues & the older ones, that weren’t vaccinated, were in bad shape. I even had to hospitalize & then put one down.”

“All because I didn’t have them all vaccinated yet.”

“It was a heartbreaking & eye opening experience. I am now pro-vaccine.”

“Problem is, my husband, who is their dad, has become so anti-govt in the last few years, that’s he’s convinced that vaccines are just a money grab; they’re full of a bunch of unnecessary ingredients; and he’s said something about them putting tracking devices in them.”

“He’s just anti-vaccines.”

“My daughter hasn’t had any boyfriends yet, but she’s 17 & the time is nearing. So when she asked me about it, after a recent doctor appt, I told her:”

“‘It’s your body; your choice. You’re old enough now to make your own decisions about your body & your health’.”

“‘I recommend you go online and do some research, and decide for yourself whether or not to be vaccinated. Personally, I would get it, if I were you. But that’s just me’.”

“She did the research, and decided that she does want the vaccine.”

“She asked if I could make her a doctor’s appointment to go get it. I told her that I believe that we could just go to a pharmacy and get it done there, but I’d have to look into it.”

“My husband has got to the point with his beliefs that we can’t even talk anymore. Like at all.”

“We are total opposites on nearly every single issue in the world. So if I told him she wanted the vaccine, it would certainly cause a huge fight.”

“I already have a million things going on, and I honestly don’t even feel like dealing with telling him, but I feel like going behind his back and doing it anyways, would be super wrong.”

“Even though he’s lived with me and the kids their whole life, (and he has been home nearly 24/7 that whole time,) he hasn’t been an involved parent. He spends his days & nights either asleep, or on his phone.”

“Which means, I’ve had to play the role of both mom and dad to them. So in many ways, I do feel like they are MY kids, rather than OUR kids.”

“Which is the only reason why I’d even consider getting her vaccinated behind his back. But even so, it still feels wrong for some reason.”

“So Reddit, Would I be the A**hole if I got my daughter the HPV vaccine behind her dad’s back?”

Redditors were asked to vote by deciding:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors had a multitude of questions, but overwhelmingly decided the OP would not be the a**hole.

“NTA its her health and her body.” ~ DullWinter

“NTA, if Dad doesn’t want the vaccine he doesn’t need to get it, but he has no right to restrict his mostly adult daughter from getting it.” ~ Mak_and_Cheezy_

“NTA its up to her, not her dad. Also why are you still married to this guy?” ~ princessofperky

“NTA literally her choice not yours or his. She wants a vaccine she can have a vaccine she’s old enough to decide.”

“She did her own research came to her own answer. If you want to avoid a massive fight I’d see if she can’ get a bus or friend to drive her so you’re just a neutral party but NTA.” ~ Senorspinosaur

“NTA. I have HPV. Get her the damn vaccine.” ~ Illustrious-Band-537

“Yup, having a microscope up your business (all the way to the cervix) piloted by an old man ob-gyn who deadpans that I don’t have cancer and won’t need to have a chunk sliced out for biopsy is a terrifying experience I didn’t need at 20.”

“Plus the six weeks of waiting to find out if I had cancer. Also terrible. Get the vaccine. Reduce your risk.” ~ HelenaKelleher

Ultimately it came down to honoring her daughter’s wishes. Dad may have some strong opinions and he’s free to follow his conscience with his own body.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metís Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. A member of the Indigenous Journalists Association, she considers herself another proud Maineiac.