When you invite people into your home, generally speaking, the nice thing to do is share your things with them.
Even so, it’s always polite to ask before touching or using something which doesn’t belong to you.
Including food, particularly when it hasn’t been directly served to you.
The daughter of Redditor Conscious_Act3704 was growing increasingly frustrated by her cousins eating the food she purchased herself without even asking.
Witnessing this, the original poster (OP) came up with a solution that kept her cousins from eating her food and greatly pleased his daughter.
Unfortunately, it didn’t please his wife one bit.
Wondering if he had done anything wrong the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The a**hole (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for buying my daughter a locked storage bin?”
The OP explained how he came up with what he thought was an easy way to keep his daughter’s cousins from eating her food, which his wife found to be selfish and unfair.
“I (53 M[ale]) have a daughter (17 F[emale]) who I recently bought this big storage container for that locks.”
“The reason being our daughter has a job and likes buying her own food and snacks for herself.”
“The problem is that her mom invites her aunt, uncle, and cousins over all the time and even since she started buying her snacks and leaving them in the pantry they’d eat them without consulting her, she’s asked them many times to not eat them, but they don’t listen.”
“For reference, she likes to order snacks from other countries as a way to broaden her horizons, she’s also linguistically gifted and liked to try and read labels to help expand her vocabulary.”
“These snacks can take weeks to get after she orders them again and by then her current snacks are gone.”
“My wife didn’t do anything, saying that since our daughter kept them in the pantry they’re for everyone.”
“She moved them to her room, and her cousins would go in when she wasn’t and take them.”
“I went to a hardware store and bought a big container with a lock, and for extra measure, I bought extra locks and drilled holes so that they could be used.”
“Our daughter cried and thanked me because it was pretty expensive and not something she could afford.”
“Of course, the cousins went to get more snacks and threw a fit when they saw it and realized the snacks were in there.”
“They told their parents, and they told my wife, and she’s not happy with me, saying that our daughter should share her snacks with family and she’s being selfish and will get fat.”
“Our daughter is incredibly fit, does multiple sports, and exercises all the time, she’s far from unhealthy.”
“I told my wife she could order her own and our daughter was happy to tell her where to order them, but she didn’t like that either and told her that the chest needs to go and that I should’ve consulted her on buying the bin in the first place.”
“The relatives are our daughter’s cousins and aunt and uncle.”
“They are my SIL, BIL, and nephews, and SIL is my wife’s sister to clear up any confusion.”
“The pantry I also fully stocked with food, no one is going hungry and eating our daughter’s snacks because they have to.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for buying his daughter a storage bin with a lock.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s daughter had no obligation to share the special food, which she purchased herself, and that if his wife was concerned about sharing with her extended family, she should feed them herself.
“Your wife sounds like a nightmare, with no respect for others.”
“The cousins sound like entitled whiners.”
“They can buy their own snacks if it is that important to them.”
“CONGRATULATIONS on standing up for, and showing respect for, your daughter!”- Smitty_80013
“NTA, seems like you did the right thing here.”
“Let your wife buy snacks for the family she invites over!”
“Does this ‘family’ bring snacks to share with her?”
“Sharing works both ways.”
“This definitely makes her TA, no way around that one.”- grigri
“Your wife is well out of line.”
“How dare she take your daughter’s things?!”
“Your daughter works for these treats, your wife has no right to steal them, and has no right to advocate her other family members steal them.”
“Also, the fat remark.”
“You did the right thing.”
“You are NTA.”- TrayMc666
“Good on you for sticking up for your daughter.”
“Why is your wife insistent on taking her things though?”
“I think her reaction is some amount of guilt/embarrassment for having been found to be stealing from your daughter.”
“All the excuses, that she’d get fat, that she has to share even though the goal post has now moved multiple times from her moving her snacks out of the pantry and into her room to now even in a locked box.”
“Don’t let her throw out that box.”- Duckieshoes101
“NTA, but I would take it a step further and get a deadbolt lock for her room to lock it when she isn’t there, that way the cousins can’t get into her room and will have something else to complain about.”-Suspended_Accountant
“Holy moving the goalposts Batman, by your wife.”
“First since it was, there were in the pantry, so they are for everyone.”
“Then she moves them to her room and has her snack stolen without repercussions.”
“Now that she has them locked up her Mom and cousins get all verklempt.”
“Good on ya for helping your daughter.”- Patrick_Kanes_Mullet
“Your wife and her family need to learn to respect boundaries point blank.”
“Your daughter was told if her stuff was in the pantry it was fair game, so she moves it, that didn’t stop her greedy cousins from boundary stomping into her bedroom to steal her snacks, so you took the initiative to help her protect her stuff, kudos to you.”
“Yet your wife is backtracking saying the daughter must share, yeah she can go pound sand.”
“Thank you for sticking up for your daughter and protecting her.”
“Your wife is out of line.”
“A 17-year-old should not be feeding the extended relatives.”
“Sure, if she and her cousins are hanging out and she wants to eat a snack, she should offer them some, but they shouldn’t be raiding her pantry.”- columbospeugeot
“NTA and your wife should have consulted literally any common courtesy handbook don’t give out other people’s belongings.”
“Hey, maybe you can tell your wife’s family to use her stuff when she’s not around, and then when she gets pissed tell her she should learn to share.”
“She’ll be lucky to have minimal contact with her kid later in life, and she’ll be the type to post on forums why doesn’t she talk to me I’m peeeeerfecct.”- BriefHorror
“Your wife is going to batter your daughter’s self-esteem and give her an eating disorder if you continue to allow her to berate your daughter like that and say negative things about her body.”
“Please take whatever steps necessary to protect your daughter from this emotional abuse.”-NorthernLitUp
“Thank you for being a solid father and realizing how your daughter’s space is being invaded.”
“If the cousins like the global snack concept maybe they can ask how to acquire instead of steal.”-mouskaka
“Your daughter sounds like a fun kid!”
“Let me know if you want recommendations for Asian snacks, particularly if she wants to try Japanese potato chips or KitKats.”
“If you are in the US, I can send you websites where you can order them.”
“Some are delicious others are horrifying.”
“They are all a lot of fun!”- blorflor
“NTA good for helping your daughter.”- Fisher_Don
“The cousins sound horribly spoiled.”
“Your daughter pays for things that she wants for herself, and there’s nothing wrong with it.”
“No one should be entering her space without her permission.”
“You did what needed to be done to help her.”
“Good for you.”- LilMzB
It would be one thing if the OP’s freeloading cousins were only eating Doritos and Snickers, and not the specialty foods the OP’s daughter was ordering.
But even so, it’s always polite to ask before indulging in something which isn’t yours.
If the biggest concern of the OP’s wife is that her pantry will be insufficiently full, then maybe she should get to work on filling it.