Is there a correct way to decline a gift?
There certainly doesn’t seem to be an easy way.
Some gifts are unnecessary.
Does the giver have to know that?
Redditor TrinityFlame191 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for declining a birthday present?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“AITA?”
“So my (36 F[emale]) friend (36 M[ale]) was really excited to give me my birthday gift.”
“He insisted I would love it.”
“Fast forward to my birthday, and he gives it to me, and it’s (well-intended, mind you) soundproof ear muffs for my dog for when we have fireworks.”
“My dog is a chihuahua.”
“Who loves destroying things.”
“He knows this.”
“To clarify, I didn’t decline it because it was a gift for my dog.”
“If I thought she would use it or enjoy it, I would have happily accepted it.”
“I declined it because I knew she wouldn’t use it.”
“Though not gonna lie, I did think it just a bit odd to get my dog something on my birthday… lol.”
“I did thank him for it and let him know I appreciated the thought, but it was something I’ve tried before and didn’t work out.”
“I politely declined it as I knew she would just shred them.”
“And then I discovered he spent like $60 on them.”
“Which I really would have been devastated if she had destroyed them.”
“I did explain to him why I didn’t think it was a good idea.”
“I explained how I tried the noise-cancelling things before, and my dog doesn’t like things on her head or covering her ears.”
“He hasn’t really asked me what I wanted, and it was well-intended, but I feel like maybe he shouldn’t have bought something for the dog… for my birthday?”
“Now he’s not responding to my texts or phone calls…”
“What do y’all think?”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for declining the gift?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA, this was a gift with a kind intention.”
“You could use the earmuffs under supervision and not let your dog eat them, you know.” ~ Obvious-Arrival2571
“It’s also the typical kind of gift I give, something practical and useful.”
“It also means she’s probably brought up the fireworks thing with her dog more than once.”
“If I were to hear, ‘My toaster isn’t toasting my bread,’ I’m thinking new toaster as a gift.”
“Also shows how much he likes dogs and OP, as he thought of something to make her dog more comfortable and thought it would make OP happy.”
“I feel sorry for the guy; he obviously put a bit of thought into this. OP YTA.” ~ DarkBluePhoenix
“Agreed!”
“And, I don’t know, maybe I was raised differently, but it’s just common courtesy in my honest opinion to accept a gift, no matter if it’s something you’ll use or not.”
“I don’t care if 10 other people have already given my earmuffs to my dog.”
“I’m going to genuinely thank and accept each one!” ~ OneWhisper5225
“I get where you are coming from.”
“She should have just said thank you and moved on.”
“If she wanted to comment on maybe some playful banter like hopefully, the dog doesn’t break that one, or her birthday is not for another month or whatever.”
“But the dude hyped up the present so much, telling her that he cannot wait for her birthday and that it would be great, it makes it sound like it would be a present for her to enjoy, not something for her dog.”
“So I can see why she would be thrown off by the gift and not react in the best way.”
“So it’s more like both suck, but I sympathize with her.” ~ Cyead
“YTA- Proper etiquette is to say thank you and graciously accept the gift.”
“If you needed to exchange or regift it later, so be it.”
“It astonishes me how many of you didn’t have parents who taught you basic manners growing up.” ~ DecemberViolet1984
“I can see OP’s perspective, but I just feel so bad for her friend.”
“He must have been so pumped to come up with the gift (he actually LISTENED to her instead of getting a lazy, impersonal gift), and it’s got to feel like he failed.”
“She could have just graciously accepted it, then donated to a shelter.”
“If he asked, just say that she tried and hated it and wanted to make sure it didn’t go to waste because it was such a great gift.”
“It wouldn’t even be a lie to say that.” ~ originalhoney
“‘She could have just graciously accepted it, then donated to a shelter.'”
“She could have and should have.”
“This entire mess would have been avoided then.”
“Her friend’s feelings wouldn’t be hurt.”
“And her dog’s ‘boundaries’ would be followed.”
“Instead, he feels like he wasted his effort and probably feels kinda dumb.”
“He’s not returning her texts and calls.”
“And she’s on Reddit arguing that she’s NTA when the vote is overwhelmingly YTA.”
“And she keeps adding information that I suppose she thinks makes it better: he has financial trouble, so why spend $60 on her?”
“She doesn’t like it when people spend money on her.”
“Her dog is well-trained; it just has boundaries.”
“He expressed romantic interest in her, but they moved forward as “just friends,’ etc.”
“Particularly the part about him not having a lot of disposable cash — that’s the part that makes me feel really bad for him.”
“He may have stalked a sale or found something on clearance, just to try to get her a gift that he thought she could really use.”
“And of course, if it WAS on clearance, no, he can’t return it.”
“I mean — sadness all around!” ~ CherryblockRedWine
“YTA. It’s rude to decline a present, even more so if it is so thoughtful.”
“I think you’re too old to get upset because you don’t like a present.” ~ Various-Ocelot-2209
“YTA. Your friend gave you a gift because he cares about you.”
“It’s not that you get gifts all the time, why would you decline it even if your dog snaps it?” ~ wb86150
“YTA. Those are usually not put on the dog except when needed, under supervision.”
“Weird of you to consider giving them to the dog to chew.”
“Regardless, by the time my kids were three, they knew to act happy and surprised over any gift, and to say, ‘thank you,’ because that’s the polite thing to do.” ~ SquirrellyGrrly
“YTA, the polite and socially acceptable thing to do in that situation is to accept the gift and say thank you.” ~ AriasK
“YTA. He tried giving you a kind and thoughtful gift.”
“You got mad.”
“So what that the gift didn’t quite land, and it’s not something you wanted?”
“He thought about, tried, spent money and time, and you snubbed him.” ~ anglenk
“Damn. Someone cared about the problems you communicated to them about your dog, and then you dismissed them. YTA.” ~ diaphugo
“My friend’s dog is his whole world.”
“When we were new friends, I got him dog stuff on his birthday because I knew he loved to spoil her.”
“Like, it made sense to me to bring him happiness through his pet, even though I knew she would eventually destroy what I got.”
“I figured out later he’s sensitive about his birthday, and now I make it more about him, but he never declined or fussed that a gift would be wasted on his dog.”
“And even though I know now he was a little let down, I took the easy option with gift giving at first.”
“If he had straight-up refused pet-themed gifts, I probably wouldn’t have been inclined to keep building a friendship.”
“We most likely would have stayed acquaintances.”
“OP is 100% YTA.” ~ ImAmandaLeeroy
“YTA. You just say thank you.”
“It wasn’t really a gift for your dog.”
“It was a gift for you; you don’t have to listen to her bark all night.”
“Honestly, no matter what he gave you, just say thank you.”
“I got a gift recently.”
“I don’t like it, I am never going to use it, and I don’t even know where I put it.”
“I said, ‘Thank you,’ and we had a fun evening.” ~ REDDIT
“YTAH. It was a well-thought-out gift to you for the one thing he thought you cherished.”
“These are commonly stored sticks, so the problem is to plan ahead and order.”
“In my opinon you could have said, ‘Thank you, how very thoughtful, and at a later date either regifted or exchanged/returned,’ no need to pee all over the guy.”
“No need to give the dog a reason to destroy.”
“Maybe it’s better that you stick to canine relationships, until you can look at things beyond your nose.” ~ AllIzLost
“I think your friend thought you loved your dog so much that you would love something that protected her from getting scared of fireworks.”
“It’s a weird present to give to you as a birthday present, but the intentions were good.”
“YTA. You should apologize.” ~ Ordinary-Audience363
“YTA. Declining a gift is very rude.”
“Like soooo rude.”
“You could have just donated them to the local animal shelter.”
“If he ever asks about it, just tell him she wouldn’t tolerate them over her ears, and you donated them so some dog could benefit from them.”
“No lies, no hurt feelings, and somewhere a happy dog not freaking out over fireworks.” ~ Vanesti
Reddit has some issues with your actions, OP.
You could’ve just taken the gift and donated it.
It was a thoughtful idea.
Maybe try apologizing again, in person.
Hopefully, he’ll come around.
Good Luck.