As much as titles can be useful, and even prestigious, nothing quite competes with the name you were given at birth.
One Redditor found herself clinging to that sentiment during a recent appointment. She explained everything in a post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP), known as mother951 on the site, first shed light on just which title was in question:
“AITA for requesting to be called my name instead of ‘mama’?”
To begin the post, OP got right into the issue.
“I’m a mother of two and pregnant.”
“My family doctor’s nurse was repeatedly calling me ‘mama’ whether I came in about my pregnancy or for one of the kids.”
“I tried gently correcting to my name, but she’d just give me a look and keep it up the next time.”
Then there was some push back.
“I asked to be called by my name, to which she said she was being nice and I didn’t need to be rude.”
“I said I don’t mean to be rude but I have a name and I’m only a mother to my kids.”
“She tried arguing that it’s nice of her to call me that and I should be proud and happy I’m a mama (mamma? momma? not even sure) and that she’s calling me that.”
The back and forth continued from there.
“So I also told her that when it’s needed to address me as a parent she can call me mother because I don’t like variations of the word.”
“She said that’s terrible because only kids who don’t love their mothers call them that and that normal families use mom or mommy or mama etc.”
Then OP ironed out a couple key facts.
“but we’re not native English speakers and my kids call me mother in our language, which is for us normal and common.”
“So I prefer the direct translation because words like mama and momma etc. just don’t mean anything to me.”
“I wouldn’t have said this otherwise, I’d let it go as it’s probably a normal word to her but figured if we’re already having tension might as well get this out of the way too.”
Eventually, others got involved.
“The doctor heard us and told her to call me what I told her, but during the appointment said it’s strange what I requested and she sees why nurse was angry about it.”
“I told her I stand by what I said and she also seemed unsatisfied.”
“My husband says I was unnecessarily rude as well and so does my sister. She agrees I should be happy to be called so.”
“My mom says she’s glad for me because she always hated that too but never found the voice to speak up.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
An overwhelming majority of Redditors sided with OP.
“NTA. in a professional environment, you should be called your name, particularly when you ask to be called by your name.”
“if the doctor cannot understand this, it is time to find a new doctor.” — zeiche
“NTA. I kind of hate that too. ‘Mama’ is something my baby can call me. Anyone else calling me that as if that’s just who I am now is weird.”
“And this nurse is doing wayyyy too much. This affects her in no way.” — thereforthecomments
“NTA. You asked to be addressed a certain way, and people should respect that. She may have meant nothing by it to start, but after you made it clear that you wanted to be addressed a certain way, which wasn’t in an inappropriate way, she should have complied.” — Lexi_The_G
“NTA. Names are important. You are a separate human from your children, you do not lose your identity when you become a parent.”
“To me it is condescending to call someone a name/term that boils them down to a single definition. I have had the same conversation with doctors, school staff and others.”
“From the get go I would stand firm and even now my adult/almost adult children’s friends call me by my name or a term that we have agreed on but I am NOT (child)’s mom/mother to any of them.”
“Stand firm. It is gonna take work and persistence but hopefully it will get corrected. When patients have called me sweetie/honey/dear/etc a quick and simple That is not my name my name is (name) has worked, sometimes needed repeating. Good luck!!” — witchy_crochet
Some Redditors spoke from relevant experience.
“NTA. I’m a physician, and I think it’s weird and unprofessional to call someone by anything other than their preferred name.” — KittlesLee
“NTA. We have a lot of meetings with professionals (medical and education) regarding my daughter. I often get called Mum. I hate it.”
“I will gently at first say ‘oh sorry, my name is (name) ‘ and play it like I forgot to introduce myself. If it is people who I know, know my name I will correct more forcefully.”
“In a meeting our Lead professional did it to introduce me to our group and I jumped in with ‘no actually only two people in the world call me Mum, please use (name), I’m a whole person outside of parenting’ They don’t do it now 😂” — Awkward_Badger7516
“NTA. The nurses at the OB I used never called me anything but my name.”
“That nurse would be upset because my youngest son uses my given name when talking to other people about me and sometimes when he talks to me he uses my name instead of mom.”
“My sister asked me why I ‘allowed’ it. I said it’s my name, why should I be upset that he calls me by my name. It’s doesn’t bother me.” — SnazzySusieQ
“NTA. I was a surrogate for my last pregnancy, I wasn’t biologically related to the baby AT ALL, so I’m NO WAY should I have been referred to as mom, momma, or mother, and yet, I kept being called momma by my OB nurses (and occasionally the doctor) when they KNEW I was a surrogate.” — yepanotherjennifer
With a whole thread of people agreeing with OP, it looks like the stalemate will continue for as long as her healthcare providers insist she’s a mother and nothing else.