in , , ,

Mom Irate After Pregnant Daughter-In-Law Tells Her She Hates Her ‘Famous’ Mac And Cheese

Asian woman cooking
wonry/Getty Images

We all know pregnancy affects a woman’s cravings and aversions, but what happens when those aversions apply to a cherished family recipe?

…And when those aversions aren’t just during pregnancy?

Redditor NecessaryAct35 knows the answer to this particular conundrum.

The Original Poster (OP) went to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) to discuss this very problem.

She asked:

“AITA for finally telling my mother in law that her mac and cheese tastes terrible?”

She went on to explain.

“My husband [30-year-old male] and I [28-year-old female] have been married for 2 years, together for 5 years, and currently 6 months pregnant.”

“We are very excited and blessed because I’ve had some complications in getting pregnant.”

“I have a very good relationship with my in laws and if any of us ever had problem, we are able to talk it through.”

“Except for one thing. My mother in law has her famous mac and cheese that everyone in her family absolutely loves.”

“I, however, found it disgusting on day 1 but I didn’t want to come off as rude and ungrateful so I pulled through it without saying anything.”

“I told my husband about it and he said that his mother has been making it for decades perfecting the recipe and she would be deeply offended if anyone told her anything bad about her mac and cheese so I should just find the right moment to tell her.”

“He for some reason loves it, so he didn’t want to be the one to tell her. Which I totally understand because it is MY issue and I had to deal with it. It’s been almost 2 years of me pretending.”

“So 2 days ago I’ve decided to just tell her. It was a family dinner where my husband’s parents had invited us over and of course, his mother was making her so-called ‘famous mac and cheese’.”

“I almost threw up at the smell and I couldn’t bear the thought of eating it, probably because I was pregnant.”

“So at dinner, when I was offered the mac and cheese, I politely declined and said ‘no thank you’. My mother-in-law looked at me and asked ‘why? You should eat. Good for the baby’.”

“And I just went right out with it ‘I’m sorry, but I don’t like your mac and cheese. Everything else tastes delicious, but this is the one thing I simply cannot eat anymore.”

“She looked so deeply offended and she literally snapped ‘Well, thanks for being honest’ and didn’t even look or speak to me for the rest of the evening.”

“My husband was on my side and tried to speak to his mother, but all I know is that it didn’t work because she has been cold to me ever since.”

“What was wrong with the mac and cheese? Her ‘perfecting the recipe’ ended up with this result:”

“Mac and cheese combined with salmon, kimchi, pineapple, seaweed salad, collard greens, onions, and garlic.”

“I don’t have a problem with the greens or onion, but the rest tastes so disgustingly wrong with mac and cheese.”

“However, the reason why I think I might have been an a**hole is because like my husband said, she has been perfecting this recipe for years.”

“Her entire family clearly loves it, and I tell her that her “perfected and loved” mac and cheese is terrible.”

“I did tell her that because I am pregnant it wasn’t possible for me to stomach the ingredients, but she still didn’t want to talk to me.”

“I’m French and my husband’s family is Korean, so that will explain the ingredients.”

“I do enjoy salmon, kimchi, and seaweed salads, but it greatly depends on which dishes it’s served with.”

“And since I’ve been pregnant, I’ve even developed an aversion to several foods that I used to love.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

    • NTA – Not The A**hole
    • YTA – You’re The A**hole
    • NAH – No A**holes Here
    • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided:

“This recipe breaks at least three Geneva conventions. That’s not mac and cheese. That’s a bio-weapon. NTA” – daydreammuse

“You lost me with the salmon and kimchi in the Mac N Cheese.”

“You get NTA for standing up against crimes against cuisine.” – NotCreativeAtAll16


“When she first asked, you said “no thank you”. You didn’t insult her. You just said you weren’t interested”

“That was short, crisp, and to the point. She wanted to know why so you told her after she asked. Good for you” – Plus-Improvement-880

“Look, that meal sounds absolutely disgusting. I couldn’t eat a bite of it on a normal day, let alone when I was pregnant.”

“But if you’ve been faking it for years, then you should’ve used your pregnancy as the excuse.”

“‘Sorry MIL but that triggers a pregnancy aversion, I can’t eat that’.”

“Or ‘Sorry MIL but I’ve been told by my midwife/OB that I can’t have salmon/kimchi/X-ingredient during the pregnancy because of health concerns.’”

“And then after the pregnancy, you can say your tastes have changed, and you can’t stomach it anymore. And how sad you were.”

“You faked it for years and then brought it up. I’m not surprised she’s hurt. Even if that concoction shouldn’t be called food to start with.”

“I have to say a gentle YTA. Not because you should’ve eaten it, but how you said it.”

“Hopefully you can blame the pregnancy (and it’s perfectly valid reason even if that were the most delicious food ever-”

“I could eat smoked salmon in my first pregnancy and now I can’t in my second because health advise changed!) and she’ll let it go.”

“Because if the only way to fix this is to eat that, then I’m sorry and my judgment would change to E S H simply for that.”

“If this was a Michelin star meal and OP said what she did then it would be rude but because the meal doesn’t sound good, then it’s ok?”

“That doesn’t make sense to me! It’s all about how and when you say things to people to avoid unnecessarily hurt feelings!” – jellyolive

“It could have been handled more tactfully. But what kind of a mac and cheese recipe includes salmon, kimchi, pineapple, seaweed salad, collard greens, onions, and garlic?”

“That is just totally gross! Just tell her it’s because of your pregnancy, or tell her that you don’t eat some of the ingredients. (I don’t eat salmon.)” – FloMoJoeBlow

“That does sound disgusting, but why not just say you’re not a mac and cheese person, or you cannot eat some things while pregnant, etc.”

“There was no reason to tell her you don’t like her prized recipe. That’s adult politing 101.” – IndependentEarth123


“For your timing & delivery.”

“You don’t like her Mac & cheese. I mean, yeah it sounds gross, but she & her family like it. You don’t like it.”

“You can express that kindly & quietly, but instead you announced at a family dinner you’ve never like it & you’ve been faking it for years.”

“You embarrassed her.”

“You could have easily said ‘cheese is really upsetting my stomach lately. It’s been so sensitive with the pregnancy, but please, everyone else enjoy.’”

“‘I’m sure my husband will be happy with an extra helping.’”

“Then after the pregnancy simply say, ‘I think my hormones from the pregnancy changed my tastes a little. I’m sorry MIL, it’s just not one of my faves anymore, but I love your X’.”

“There’s honesty & there’s cruelty.” – KindlyCelebration223

“THIS! So many people are saying the MIL forced the issue or pressed her. Or judging based on the recipe.”

“All she did was ask why & that the baby needs food. A lot of people don’t seem to understand cultural differences either.”

“Asians feed you as a love language. Even when you’re not hungry & refuse, they will still offer. It can be pushy, but it’s out of care & being a good hostess.”

“OP wasn’t force-fed. She missed the perfect opportunity to blame it on pregnancy & changing tastebuds. OP was rude, period. OP YTA.” – Exotic_Plankton9579

“YTA Wait. So you decided to tell her at a family dinner? Why even say anything at all.”

“Just politely refuse and say your stomach is upset. Wtf. Who cares if YOU don’t like it.”

“From the ingredients, I wouldn’t like it either, but I certainly wouldn’t hurt anyone’s feelings if I didn’t like it.” – Slot_Queen

“Ooof. I’m Korean-American. YTA in the context of Korean culture, but also NTA because you were just being honest, and that mac n cheese sounds terrible.”

“I’m pregnant right now, too, so I totally feel you.”

“Maybe you’ve heard of the Korean term “noon chi” aka “the subtle art of gauging the mood of others” but it’s a big part of Korean culture, especially in a MIL-DIL context.”

“You could have politely declined in a more gracious way as to not offend her, but I also understand you were telling it like it is.”

“It’s a tricky fine line to dance, but ultimately it’s a sign of respect to stomach (ha!) your own discomfort/feelings for the sake of others/harmony.”

“An easy out would’ve been a polite, ‘my morning sickness/nausea has been acting up, so I’m unable to eat it but thank you so much for offering it to me.’”

“Yeah you would have to keep putting up the act but honestly in Korean culture that’s nothing compared to actually being outright rude/disrespectful (in their eyes).”

“I’d say get back on her good side ASAP with an apology and some type of gesture—we Koreans can hold grudges for a LONG a** time lol.” – HotArmy3750

Sounds like the OP had every right to defend her stomach and taste buds, even if there was a more tactful way to go about it. Sorry your MIL is a bit cheese, but we’re sure you’ll mac up soon.

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)