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Redditor’s Mom And Girlfriend Furious After Discovering ‘Thoughtful’ Texts Are Prescheduled

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Life is hectic.

People have problems with memory and organization.

That combination leads to tons of stress and hurt feelings professionally and personally.

So what can be done?

Maybe getting technology involved can help.


Case in point…

Redditor Maleficent-Outside23 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for scheduling my text messages and gift reminders?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“So my daily life is kind of a mess.”

“I manage a large number of people at my company, and am constantly traveling and frequently get pulled in many directions throughout any given day.”

“All in all, it’s very easy for me to lose track of little details and forget something important because of all of this.”

“I’m always looking for ways to use technology to mitigate these issues and be more organized.”

“A couple years ago, our I[nformation] T[echnology] guy showed me how the new Iphone has a scheduling system and you can set it to automatically do things like send a text at a specific time or when you arrive at a certain place.”

“After learning how this works, I’ve come to use it fairly often.”

“For example, I have it set so when I leave the house in the morning, it texts my secretary that I’ll be at the office in 10 minutes.”

“I leave at varying times depending on if an executive needs to call me about something before I get to the office.”

“This helps her schedule out the first couple hours of my morning when I set aside time to meet with account reps who need me to approve budgets, sign off on proposals, etc… before getting to my own meetings and calls.”

“I also started using it a lot in my personal life.”

“My girlfriend really loves it when I text her in the morning and I’d sometimes get caught up in work and forget.”

“So I started writing a personal text out to her in the evening and setting it to send out at some time the next morning.”

“Just a little note about how I hope she has a great day, wishing her good luck on a presentation she has, etc.”

“My mom is also a bit forgetful these days, so I’ll frequently days in advance set up something like ‘Hey mom, hope you’re having a great day! Just wanted to make sure you remember it’s [niece]’s birthday party tonight at 7, don’t forget to bring cupcakes.'”

“To go out to her that afternoon around 4p.”

“More of the same with other things, like I’ll have it text my secretary a few days before a client’s birthday to ask her to send a gift, things like that.”

“Overall I think it’s been really helpful.”

“Last week, I showed my brother how it all worked and suggested he could use it to help himself get more organized.”

“He told my mom and girlfriend about how I use my phone to automate when I text them or send gifts, and now they’re both really pissed at me.”

“They both say they felt like I had been putting in so much effort to be thoughtful and caring despite how busy I am.”

“But it’s all just been a facade and I’m just using my phone to automate it all.”

“I honestly don’t think that’s fair.”

“Every message I sent them is something I wrote myself.”

“Every reminder is there because I set it myself.”

“I’m doing this because I felt bad that I had in the past missed these details.”

“And I feel like I’m just using the phone to help me be more organized and thoughtful.”

“But they clearly don’t see it that way and are acting like I betrayed them or something.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“You should set your iPhone to automatically text your brother several times throughout the day reminding him to go f**k himself. NTA.” ~ bransanon

“God, I wish I had an award to give you.”

“This is the sort of pettiness I aspire to.”

“NTA, OP.”

“If I were either mum or gf I would be glad I made it to the list of people important enough to make it to the list of ‘too important to risk forgetting, so must automate.'” ~ Environmental_Art591

“This… so much this.”

“OP is NTA.”

“If it was the same message every time, my verdict would be different.”

“But given they take the time to craft messages specifically for them they are not an AH.”  ~ Lex1982

“100% agree that the fact that OP goes out of their way to make sure that the messages are personalized each time is what makes them NTA.”

“My dad used to do the scheduled texts in the worst possible ways for our birthdays.”

“He’d schedule them to go out at midnight on our birthdays so he could always claim to ‘be the first one to wish us happy birthday’ but the text was always impersonal.”

“It didn’t acknowledge what age we were turning, and by the time it went out he was already asleep so we couldn’t even have a conversation if we wanted to.”

“OP, I’d definitely encourage you to talk to your mom and girlfriend and explain how you’re using the automation as a supplement to help you send these sweet and helpful texts as opposed to a substitute.”

“Other people in other comments have noted some great analogies (notes in lunchboxes, etc) so hopefully the people important to you can understand a bit better that this is you remembering and caring!” ~ saltyfruitbat

“When you talk with them, show them your process and share how it’s because they are so important to you that you specifically make time in your busy day to focus on them.”

“You want that connection with them and invest time and effort into it.”

“Ask them if there is anything else you can do with these texts to make them more special.”

“They took it as a sign that they are special to you. They are.”

“Talk with them about how they can feel special now that they know how it works.”

“What can they look for on their end to tell them that they’re special?”

“Find out from them.” ~ marroncito2

“Exactly! I live by my alarm and calendar notifications to make sure I get things done/arrive on time.”

“I do it bc I got tired of letting myself, and most importantly, other people down.”

“If I didn’t care about other people’s time or feelings I would have continued as usual.”

“You’re not automating your feelings and messages, you’re automating your to do list. NTA.”  ~ hiphopahippy

“This is the way. My Dad, was the most wonderful, thoughtful, loving person on the Earth.”

“Couldn’t remember a birthday or anniversary to save his life.”

“Scheduling things doesn’t make it any less thoughtful.”

“And I think your Mom and girlfriend are kind of hypocrites for saying so.”

“I mean, I’m assuming their phones and homes aren’t free of calendars.”

“I for one think it’s really cool you make an effort to schedule texts, etc… so you make sure they feel support.”

“You still TOOK TIME to write it out and schedule it.”

“Doesn’t make it any less meaningful. NTA.” ~ FleurDeCLE

“I think it’s a knee jerk reaction to go from thinking that he’s been having them on his mind all day to realizing it’s possible he wrote this two days ago and scheduled it to send at the perfect time.”

“I’m sure they’ll come around, he’s not doing anything bad and it does keep them in communication or give them a boost.”

“But it is slightly different to be like ‘Oh OP took time out of his busy day to remember my presentation, how sweet’ rather than realize ‘oh he checked ‘wish me luck’ off his to-do list last night and scheduled it for this morning.'”

“The sentiment is still there! It’s just feels a little different when you find out.”  ~ astrocanyounaut

“Your brother is the a**hole here.”

“I bet he doesn’t text your mother to remind her to bring the cupcakes.”

“I bet he doesn’t text his G[irl]F[riend] a good morning.”

“It sounds like there is some jealousy and sour grapes here.”

“And so what if you have set your phone to remind you to do all these thoughtful things?”

“You set your phone, and you do the thoughtful things!”

“I won’t tell you to stop doing the thoughtful things.”

“But maybe your mama can just ‘forget the cupcakes,’ or remember them… without your promoting, sometimes.”

“It’s up to her.”

“And your GF?”

“Well, I hope she is pretty. NTA.” ~ YouthNAsia63

“NTA. After reading this, I’m considering doing it myself!”

“You’re still putting in the effort when you remember to message them, but just at a more convenient time for everyone.”

“You know that you’ll likely forget to message at the appropriate time, so you found a way to still show you care even if you’re busy.”  ~ xyla-phone

“NTA. While I’m sure it does break the image that your mother and girlfriend had of you, all the messages were personalized.”

“It’s not like it was an automated message, such as ‘Good morning, [girlfriend’s name].'”

“‘I love you. Have a good day,’ or something mundane like that.”

“From your description, it was a thought-out response written the prior night regarding the following days special activities sent with an automated sending system because you live a busy life.

“I don’t see the harm in that!” ~ paralyzedagony

Well, OP, Reddit is with you.

It sounds like you’re doing the best you can in life.

Eventually, the GF and mom will come around. Hopefully, that is after a bit of discussion.

Keep doing your best and doing it so far in advance.

Good luck.